Today, I took relatively long lunch and ended up feeding the birds in the Common. Before you're quick to judge...or think it's cute or something, know this: while I may not be like some people, who are curious as to what it might feel like to kick a pigeon, I was only feeding the birds to be mean.
See, they were pecking at each other and making the most god-awful racket, and from watching them, you'd think that they were hungry little birds who would never see food again, instead of fat, stupid birds in Boston Common who get fed all the time. I found this all too terribly amusing. It started out innocently enough, to tempt a pigeon to come near my foot -- only kidding. Except I was trying to be nice at first, feeding the tiny sparrows. The bread had touched the bench, anyway, and I wasn't going to eat it, so I threw little bits of it towards the cute little guys. But then they started attacking each other for it. And I laughed. I couldn't help myself. I threw more bread, and they became more violent, and then I couldn't stop. It was like a train wreck. A funny train wreck. That I had started.
I was sad when I ran out of bread. And the birds started to look at me with angry, beady little eyes. So that's when I called lunch to a close, and headed back to the office.
I'm totally going back tomorrow with a loaf of wonderbread.
1 comment:
i laughed so hard i started crying. my mother would be proud of you.
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