Woo! Pete Yorn!

Two and a half months ago, J bought me tickets to see Pete Yorn in concert, and that concert is tonight.

I want to put something in perspective here very quickly, though, because I think it’s important to note that two and a half months ago, J and I had only been dating for a few weeks. I did not expect a birthday present from him, even a little bit, but instead of no present, he bought two tickets to see Pete Yorn - after we’d had just one casual conversation about how Pete Yorn would be at Avalon in March. I won’t get all gushy about how amazing it is to have a boyfriend who pays attention to details like that and makes me Pete Yorn themed birthday cards with concert tickets that (if I’d have opened the card correctly) would pop out from an elaborate set up of paper and scotch tape, or how wonderful it is to spend a lot of time with a boy who cooks things for me, and says “as well,” instead of “too,” or “also,” but I will say that I’m really happy about being with someone who told me it was okay if I exposed myself to Pete Yorn tonight, even though he probably thought I was kidding.

It’s been about three months since our first date (actually, what’s really barf-ably cute is that it’s three months to the day since our first official date), and I’m really glad that we threw caution to the wind several times over, because [adding to a really long list of reasons I’m happy,] for the first time in about a year, I actually have a concert buddy! I won’t tell you how much cooler it will be going to this concert with someone I really like instead of going with nobody. We Are Scientists were awesome, but seeing concerts on your lonesome is less than awesome. I know that it takes someone “brave” to go see a concert alone, but what it really is is “pathetic,” and what no one says when they call you “brave” for doing things like that alone is that instead of being jealous, they’re really kind of sad that you seem to have no friends. Yeah, maybe they’re a little jealous because goddamn, you went to see the Raconteurs, and screw everyone if they didn’t want to go with you that night, but really they’re wondering what is wrong with you that you can’t find a concert buddy.

No?

Whatever. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that paranoia tonight.

Monday Madness - Sleeping & Cleaning

How many times do you wake up during the night?

Usually, if I can remember waking up during the night, I'm up for good. It's no more than once or twice on an average night when I remember waking up. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to get back to sleep, but usually I'm not.

On an average, how many hours of sleep do you try to get?

six to eight.

What day of the week do you do your "major" housecleaning?

I don't have a set day, but I tend to sweep the floors on Monday night because trash day is Tuesday.

How often do you move your furniture to clean behind it?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Do you do your dishes by hand or do you own a dishwasher?

Oh, to have a dishwasher. That would be glorious.

Exposing myself to Pete Yorn

"Oh yeah, so I got an email recently about an 'Expose yourself to Pete Yorn' contest."
"Expose yourself to Pete Yorn? Sounds. Interesting..."
"I'm not sure exactly what it entails, but if it's anything like what it sounds like, I'M TOTALLY DOING IT AT THE CONCERT!"
"Awesome. I won't be"
"Really? You wouldn't mind if I exposed myself to Pete Yorn?"
"As long as you didn't get invited backstage."
"Hey! I might. These are pretty nice."
"Mmmm."

At Least I Have Time To Work On My Base Tan

I've been pulling kind of ridiculous hours at work this week for a meeting on Friday. That was just cancelled today. I've still got a full day's worth of work for another project, so I'm still coming in all day on Friday. I've reached a zen state about it, though. I'm just going to think about it as five hours in Bermuda. That's how I'll get through it. I think. Have I mentioned that I'm going to Bermuda in May? I'm not sure that I've blogged about it yet.

I haven't blogged about a lot of things lately, opting instead to post things like today's inappropriate conversation:

Matt: Briar, I have a question for you...
me: What's that?
Matt: How come every time you come around my london london bridge wanna go down, like lundie lundie luh who-hoo?
Laura: I just lost it. That was priceless -- I am changing my facebook status to that.
(one minute and thirty seconds later)
Matt: wow, you and Briar are FAST
Matt: I wish google would let us have a 3-way

So yeah. I'm going to BERMUDA in May, for a wedding. I have a post-it on my desktop monitor to remind me, every second of every work day that, yes...there is a big, sunny reward on the horizon. So go to the gym...work an extra hour...

And who am I kidding? It's just reminding me that I'm that much farther away from May.

Not Vulgar Enough

Because this website isn't already vulgar *enough*:

"I hate waiting for the printer to print something when it's in between stages of broken and fine. I'll sit there and wait, watching...hoping for my print-outs. It's horrible.

It's like being *really close* to having an orgasm, but then something happens or you get distracted...

...And then you don't."

That. Just. Happened.

Me: Oh, so squirrels can have birth control, but it's morally wrong when we want it?
Laura: Maybe if you whip yourself and others into a breading frenzy we can change that.
Laura: Breeding. Jesus. We're not frying things.
Me: Hahahahaha -- breading babies!
Laura: The other other white meat.

Monday Madness - Potpourri

From beth: What's the most unusual hobby you have? How did you get started with it?

Knitting is not an unusual hobby, but it's the only one I have had that I have ever stuck with. I learned in college; my living group had a knitting rush event, and one of my friends taught me how to cast on and how to do a knit stitch. I was instantly transfixed by the way the needles moved and made an actual piece of fabric! It was rough going at first...everything got all twisted and tangled, and my first scarf had these wavy edges from where I was inadvertently adding stitches at the end of each row. It was a miserable failure of a piece in the way that only a first piece of knitting can possibly be, but even with all of the things that seem impossible, it's one of those gratifying hobbies that I'm really glad I stuck with.

From briar: How many different kinds of music do you listen to? Name a few favorites, if you please.

Ha. I think I asked this when I was trying to expand my iTunes library! Hmmm...So, I like to listen to a lot of everything, but most of my songs tend to the softer/lighter side of rock and pop music. I like some folk songs and bluegrass, jazz and classical, country and reggaeton :) Most of my library can be classified as "indie rock" or "indie pop," though.

My favorite songs right now are by Less Than Jake, The Fratellis, Voxtrot, and The Elected.

From iris: Do you take advantage of the outdoor areas where you live? What's your favorite thing to do outside? What's your favorite local bird?

You know, I don't take advantage of the outside where I'm from. I'm kind of a fan of air conditioning and controlled tempuratures. I do like to take my knitting outside to a park with a cup of coffee sometimes, and I do like long walks. I live in a slightly more urban environment, though, and don't have a car, so my "outdoor" time is somewhat limited by lack of "outdoors," but that's also a choice, not an inconvenience.

I don't have a favorite bird, but I do like feeding the ducks, even though it's illegal...

From kristy: Children: Do you have any?

Ha. No.

From amy: What is your favorite part of spring?

Short answer: The flowers.

Spam: Modern Literature

Shakespeare and Jane Austen have nothing on these guys:

cant goodbye some god mischievous might ticket?
ought science ought?
promised grew bread taught. pie forth bad oh taken am taught.

----------

Franz rubbed his breathe modern eyes in bound suit order to assure himself "In the Corso."

"Bravo!" kindly call cladistic broken said the captain.

"I hope it thank breakable may be lavatorial so," replied won Caderousse, his face "I am all bet cute idea attention," rotten said the abb.

"Bravo!" care repeated hover the blonde sailors. less And they all looked "This," replied poised Signor picture bitten Pastrini, "that enthusiastically you will go."

Finally

I haven't written in a while. I'm tired. I don't know what to write.

I've been traipsing around Boston with a stunningly handsome, charming guy these days -- and while that may seem to lend itself to more stories, it usually also lends itself to less time for writing about them.

I'm listening to the Bluegrass Tribute to the Shins right now. It's amazingly fantastic, but I've always been a fan of bluegrass. I can see how it's not for everyone, but something about experimenting with something familiar and juxtaposing it with another familiar thing to make something completely new and different just tickles the hell out of me.

I'm also listening to some Postal Service, due mostly to a conversation I had with the boy recently about post-nuclear love songs, and how Brand New Colony is one of them (not that I'm actively aware of any more). I used to listen to Brand New Colony and Idioteque incessantly as a coupling because they seemed so perfectly matched in my head.

This weekend is going to be so fabulous. I expect to start catching up on some Battlestar Galactica and maybe sleep. A lot.

Happy March!

I basically took way too long to upload this onto YouTube:



Matt, did I ever tell you you're my hero?

Monday Madness - Correspondence

Do you ever use all caps when typing online messages?

Only when I need to emphasize words, and I'm too lazy to use the bold or italics commands.

Does it bother you when other people use all caps in their messages?

Only when it's a whole message of all caps. There's no reason to do that.

Do you use abbreviations (i.e. lol, brb, etc.) when typing email messages or text messages?

Yes, but hopefully not to the point of being obnoxious.

Do you ever receive faxes or other correspondence from a professional office that are typed in all caps? If so, what do you think of that?

I have never, but if I did I would think it was extremely unprofessional; with the exception of boards that I get where, on top of graphics, the text is all-caps. That's not only the norm, but it's also more legible. It's a narrow exception, though -- and I don't think that this is what you mean when you refer to correspondence being written in all caps.

Do you rely on the computer program to catch your typing errors, or do you proofread your material before sending it out?

A little bit of both.

Well said, Mr. Wick

Craig Ferguson refuses to poke fun at Britney Spears..

Matt is totally [almost] famous

Pop Reader Matt C.!

OMG - I totally know Pop Reader Matt C.!!!

Cohesion - Everyone's Got Someone

Roll over to my side
Oh I don't mind
You make me feel
Make me feel a million
A million miles an hour
And I slip my melancholy
With an I don't know
All my thoughts
and all my senses wander
And scattered thoughts they rumble tumble
Through my scattered mind
And I can see the words I can't say
Dance around my eyes
Yeah they dance around my eyes

So free my head
My heart
My self my mind
Free my head
My heart
My self, my mind
Free my head
My heart
My self, my mind
My heart knows something my head don't know

Roll over to your side
No we don't mind
An' everyone and everyone's got someone
Everyone's got someone
In the weak and fragile morning
Oh, then I've grown old
You can be, you can be my backbone
You can be my backbone
And scattered thoughts they rumble tumble
Through my scattered mind
And I can see the words I can't say
dance around my eyes
Yeah they dance around my eyes

So free my head
My heart
My self my mind
Free my head
My heart
My self, my mind
Free my head
My heart
My self, my mind
My heart knows something my head don't know
Oh, my heart knows something my head don't know
My head don't know
My head don't know
My head don't know
My head don't know

My heart knows
My heart knows
My heart knows something my head don't know
My heart knows something my head don't know
Whoa my heart knows something my head don't know
Oh my heart knows something my head don't know
My heart knows something my head don't know

Picture This:

I noticed a serious lack of pictures on this blog lately. The entire front page is completely pictureless, save that stupid quiz I took in the previous entry.

Instead of giving something up for Lent this year, I think I'm going to take at least one picture every day for the next 40 days.

I know that it's a pretty far leap from creativity to spirituality, and maybe that's not quite what I have in mind (I haven't really thought this through, but Ash Wednesday is tomorrow, and I probably won't think of anything "better"), but I think that taking photos every day does help me see the world more clearly, and more beautifully.

I was walking around this morning and seeing all of the ugliness around me. People cursing and spitting and begging for money...and it all seemed so miserable. Taking photos of all of it has a way of transforming things sometimes. Even the things that were perceived as ugly can be seen in a different way when you see them through the lens of a camera (of course, I'm pretty bad at the candid shots, so I suspect there'll be a lot of buildings and macro shots, but still).

Anyway, even if I don't post too often these days, hopefully you can expect at least one post per day, unless I decide to go 35mm instead of digital.

Picky Eater

I have somehow gotten the reputation for being a picky eater.

I don't know how this happened. Was it when I said I hated vegetables? Which is mostly true except for some things. Like lettuce smothered in salad dressing. Or tomatoes in a sandwich, provided I am allowed to meticulously pick off every single one of the seeds. And olives.

I'm not a big fan of fruit. Lately, Alisa has found a way to convince me to eat bananas. I like bananas, for the most part, but usually I'm eating them for the greater good of the apartment, and not because I want a banana. Because by the time I'm called in, they've started to rot and Alisa wants them Out. They're really sweet when they start turning brown. I say this because I had the overwhelming urge to eat a barely ripened banana today and it's pretty gross. And this is why I don't like fruit. It's unpredictable. One day I'll love it, and the next day, it's got seeds in it or something. Even "seedless" grapes have thrown in a seed or two in my day. Gross. Who needs that? Not me.

So, according to people at work, if it isn't meat or cheese, I'm not interested. Unless it's pasta. Then go ahead and serve it to me. With meat. Or cheese.

And...yeah. That sounds about right.

My Non-Factory-Made Valentine's Day

Last night J took me to dinner in the suburb where he used to live before he moved into the city.

It's always been so...arduous before. Valentine's day, I mean. I've never liked the factory-made feelings that come with the holiday, and so even though I kind of had the perfect present in mind, I was actually really relieved when he suggested that we not do cheesy V-day gifts, and just spend time together. It's the only thing I could ever want from him, anyway, and maybe I cheated and adapted the gift for his birthday, which is coming up soon.

After dinner and an unfruitful supermarket adventure where we searched for strawberry creme peeps, we watched The Squid and the Whale -- because no Valentine's day would be complete without a little bit of Wes Anderson flavored dark comedy.

And it was pretty perfect. And not factory-made at all.

Valentine's Day Playlist

The Young Republic - Girl From The Northern States
Stars - Elevator Love Letter
The Mountain Goats - Against Pollution
The Strokes - You Only Live Once
The Postal Service - Against All Odds (Phil Collins cover)
Oh No! Oh My! - Skip the Foreplay
The Magnetic Fields - If There's Such a Thing As Love
Belle & Sebastian - Funny Little Frog
Annuals - Ida, My
The Mountain Goats - Love Love Love
Bedroom Eyes - Dancing Under Influence
Pete Yorn - Just Another
Page France - Me, Violin and Dancing Bear
James Iha - Beauty

Both in my head and the blog

Please please please...

Pardon the mess.

♥ Love songs ♥

The top 100 Love Songs of All Time

Call it a complex / It's really quite simple

Oh noes!

Hopefully not by crying at work

This made me cry.

How did you start your Monday morning?

Monday Madness - Cooking

What is your favorite main course to prepare?

I usually make myself some sort of pasta because it's simple and delicious. I really enjoy making enchiladas, but that happens very infrequently (read: not since I lived at WILG) because the cleanup afterwards is miserable.

What is your favorite side dish to prepare?

I'm not a fan of side dishes. Usually I only eat a main course. That being said, I love the boxed mashed potatoes, and the occasional side of pan fried asparagus.

Do you like to bake? If so, what is your favorite?

I do like to bake, but that's also something I haven't done since WILG. I used to bake oatmeal cookies all the time at home. I like cookies. They're simple to make, with so much reward. Also, pie.

What one dish would you like to learn to cook?

I would like Emily's dad's meatball recipe. Those were so good I had to stick some in my purse for later.

What is your worst cooking disaster?

This isn't "my" cooking disaster, persay, but I was there, so I think it counts: We were cooking for a house full of freshman (so about 50 people? Maybe?), and we had a whole baking sheet full of breaded chicken. In some sauce. While someone was bringing it out into the dining room, they dropped it on the floor.

I was told to stand guard at the door while the situation was taken care of, but being on the slightly shorter side, it was a struggle trying to block the sidelight on the door to the dining room.

I wish I could say that we didn't serve floor chicken that day.

But I can't (and I don't really).
----------
Come to think of it, to be completely fair and actually relate one of my disasters -- I had started my share of fires at the house while I was making aforementioned enchiladas. They were simple pan grease fires, and they were easily snuffed -- but something tells me that what was okay in the big, industrial kitchen might not go over well in our little house kitchen.

Maybe not out of nowhere, since you were watching it at the time

It's always tough when you start a new relationship, and you're trying to figure out when and how to admit certain things about your past. Is that a first date confession? A post-third date confession? After-we've-slept-together? Does it require booze? Does he really need to know, ever?

And then, sometimes, without warning, while you're sitting in front of the TV, he'll just up and ask you out of nowhere:

"So, how many times have you seen Titanic?"

You pause, look at him, and wonder if it's too soon.

"You mean in theatres?" You ask, hesitantly.

"No, total," he says, still thinking it's an innocent question, not realizing...just what he's gotten himself into.

"uhm...(cough). Well, I saw it fourteen times in theatres. I don't know how many after that." His eyes widen.

But a few moments later, just like that, everything is fine again. He knows now, and you've both grown a little bit closer.

You're a closet Titanic junkie -- and he still likes you, anyway.

Monday Madness - Questions from "mom"

Do you make New Year's resolutions? If so, what is your most important one?

Sometimes I make New Year's resolutions, but I usually try to assess my life regularly to make sure that I'm doing anything I've resolved to do to be a better person. This year, I think my most important resolution is to try to let things go. I know I'll never be able to do that, but hopefully I can stop getting so stressed out about the things I am incapable of letting go.

Easter is coming. Many Christians give up something for Lent. Do you give something up for any reason (or season)? What is it this year?

I don't usually think about that until much closer to the Easter season. In my mind, it's not really "coming up" quite yet.

Do you watch the Super Bowl? If so, do you watch it with a group? If not, what do you do while the game is on? Anything special?

I have been watching the Super Bowl with friends since I went to college. If people hadn't invited me to various parties over the years, I would have done whatever I do on a regular Sunday. I honestly couldn't care less about sports unless I'm around people who do, and even then...

Would you miss Monday Madness if it stopped permanently?

I would, but I think I could live without it.

Name at least one theme for MM questions. Share at least one question for that theme.

Music? I'll come back to this in a bit.

I Think I've Seen High Fidelity One Too Many Times

I'm feeling better since my last post. I spent most of yesterday feeling...cloudy. I had taken some generic midol-esqe drugs, but for some reason, the drug only cures slightly more common symptoms like cramping. Why can't they help with the overwhelming bitchiness? The overpowering tiredness? The general dissatisfaction with people? I was told that it's because the bitchiness and malcontent, unlike the cramping, are not necessarily symptomatic of the time of the month, but might have a number of causes, not many of which are easily solved in pill form...

I suggested trivia, and even though I was in no mood to do anything but drink scotch and read J.D. Salinger in semi-darkness, I went to trivia. And the badness dissipated immediately. Immediately.

I keep writing lists. To do lists, lists of grad schools, music to buy, movies to watch, people to kill. They're all growing at an alarming rate, and I'm just itching to cross something off of one of them.

Here's hoping that tomorrow will be more productive.

It's like the flu, only more expensive

I had one of those wonderfully slow, dreamy weekends that make it difficult to pull myself out of bed and into the office on a [cold] Monday morning. A sleepy weekend with lots of excitement followed by lots of lounging. And dim sum.

If this blog were a TV show (one can only dream), I would have introduced a new character a month ago, but I haven't known how to go about doing this. Not without just abruptly talking about him with no introduction. And I haven't exactly asked him how he feels about being blogged about, either.

Among a few other things, there's the issue of a nickname. Harvard and Emmerson were easy (we're not particularly creative people sometimes). Other times the nicknames are clever and they just happen. Indie Adam Jones, T-baby, Poli Sci Guy...

So that's just one of the reasons I haven't brought it up. That, and I have better things to blog about than my love life (ha! I am a bad liar).

Also, I keep saying I'm not going to do this, but something tells me that tomorrow I might be stopping somewhere to pick up the Shins' new album. Because I have a sickness. A terrible, horrible sickness.

It's why my abs are so fab

Every time we pulled into a T station this morning, the announcer would come onto the intercom and say, "Harvard Square." I stopped at Harvard Square seven times this morning, laughing a little bit more each and every time.

Some days you just have the giggles, and there's not much you can do about it.

It's always on these days that one of your coworkers starts talking about a business plan that makes you think, fondly and for several reasons, of the Underpants Gnomes' business plan. And so you say it out loud, because that's what you do. And then one of your friends gets the giggles, too, and cannot stop laughing, and so you're not sure whether to feel badly because she can't breathe, or laugh even harder yourself.

I always opt to laugh harder.

[Currently Spinning: Bishop Allen - Calendar]

You mean you wanted a Real present???

Seventeen years ago today, my baby sister came into this world, and it really hasn't been the same since.

In her seventeen years, she has been an author (she penned many short stories ripe with teenage angst when she was in middle school, and she still writes a mean blog entry), an explorer (she got lost six blocks from our home once when she tried to run away. I hope the Army teaches her how to use a compass), a counselor (from the time she was a small child and would put her tiny little hands on your face and ask you to stop crying with her big brown eyes, to when she became older and "more worldly" and offered to bust some kneecaps when people hurt the ones she loved), and a teacher (my sister has so much spirit and fortitude, it's hard not to be inspired, much less completely in awe of her).

She wrestles, she's in charge of the entire city's JROTC program, and she knows how to shoot a gun. Even though fashion-wise I sometimes have to help her a little bit (like suggesting that perhaps she wax her eyebrows instead of shaving them), she's still the only person I'd ever want in my dressing room (sometimes holding my latte).

As she gets older, she's stopped being my pesky little sister, and has started being my ally and confidante. I can't believe that the tiny little thing with curls who used to crawl around with socks in her mouth has become the young woman I saw this past Christmas, with an acceptance letter to West Point (but she still can't drive...).

Even though she can't eat any cake today (she's cutting weight), I hope it's still a good birthday.

I ♥ you, Awbs! Even though I had to leave a birthday party the day you were brought home from the hospital! (Don't worry, I made you pay)

Seriously. Twenty Years.

meh

I was hoping someday you'd be on your way to better things

The other day, someone asked me if I believe that things happen for a reason. At the time my answer was, "Yes -- of course they do." At the time, it's what the person needed to hear, and I think that it was the right answer. Some things do happen for a reason. But then I started thinking about the whole big picture scheme of things. I don't think that there's a grand design for everyone. Or anyone, for that matter. This has nothing to do with faith or religion, and even though I think it ties back into that realm, that's not really what I'm talking about. It has nothing to do with tiny baby Jesus.

I really believe that we hold the keys to our own destinies. Sure, sometimes things happen in life that are completely beyond our control, but they aren't always bad things, and it's not about what happens to us, but how we handle it. Maybe you feel helpless sometimes. And maybe you are. Bad things can happen to good people for no reason, and you don't always have to learn a lesson from it. And sometimes you do need to learn from it. But other times you just need a little bit of faith that it's not always going to be this way.

[Currently Spinning: The Kooks - She Moves In Her Own Way]

You're the last best thing I got going

"I think I suffer from some mild depression," [Zach Braff] tells Parade magazine in an interview to be published on Sunday.

...In what was the most obvious statement ever made by a celebrity. I just thought we needed a big, resounding, collective, "DUH," from anyone who's seen Garden State, and that one episode of Scrubs that makes me want to slit my writsts. I mean, we ♥ you Zach. Only...we know you should be on the Prozac. We're just sayin'...

This week's free iTunes song is by the Cold War Kids, and it's good. You should go download it. But, if it were possible to hand out punches to the face on the Internet, I would punch the guy who was all, "I'm angry that this is the free song of the week because I totally already heard of this band before iTunes was giving out the handouts. Oh, and also, I'm a douchebag."

I shouldn't read things when I'm riled up. I'm all hopped up on the sugar today.

[Currently Spinning: The Mountain Goats - Dance Music]

I knew the meaning of it all

French Kicks – Knee High	just listened
Swan Lake – Are You Swimming In Her Pools?	9 minutes ago
Pete Yorn – The Man	13 minutes ago
Joseph Arthur – Automatic Situation	16 minutes ago
The Young Republic – Girl From The Northern States	19 minutes ago
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin – Yr Broom	22 minutes ago
The Strokes – You Only Live Once	24 minutes ago
The Thermals – Here's Your Future	27 minutes ago
Modest Mouse – Dashboard	30 minutes ago
The Mountain Goats – Two Headed Boy Pt. 1	34 minutes ago

My last ten tracks on last.fm -- just because I was talking about the indie music with Laura this morning, and even though I've been "good" lately, there is usually a track or two of "embarrassment" in between the indie songs; like Clay Aiken's Without You. I mean what? I don't own any Clay Aiken...That was a joke. Haha. Ha. But these are all good songs, and I recommend them all.

So, anyway, there's been a lot going on in my life, and I've been pretty good about updating the right people, so I haven't felt the need to post all about it here. Besides, since I revoked my parents' blog-reading privledges, it's been less about "this is what I did today" and "here's what's going on in my life in excruciating detail" all up in here, and more about the dirty jokes. Or at least maybe it should be.

Laura and I are going to write a "Posting Personals on Craigslist for Dummies" book. We discussed the plan yesterday, and I think we should set it into motion. So, it's been a while since I've browsed the CL Personals, but today I've been doing some research. My favorites so far have been

I'm unpretentious but willing to sell myself on "Craigslist". Conversations with witty segway's are awesome.

Because I think he put quotes around the wrong word, and also one of my life rules is "if you can't spell it, you're not allowed to use it." That's what the spell check and m-w.com are for. And this guy...

Top 30 reasons to date This man (Use to be 20) - 35

Reason 29 When you're wrong, I'll do the apologizing anyhow. (what?! Who wants this? I want to meet these girls and slap them. And shame on you for perpetuating this)
Reason 25 I'll always go with you when you have to go to the doctor. (No thank you. Unless you knocked me up, you don't need to be seeing any doctor with me. Are you aware of what happens at the doctor's office? I'm uncomfortable peeing in people's apartments if I think they can hear me. Why would I want you with me at the doctor's office?)
Reason 17 I do random acts of kindness. (You do, do you?)
Reason 15 I will be in your mind more than you are. (again. What? I can only hope you mean with some sort of futuristic probe. Because then it's at least kind of cool)
Reason 13 We will talk endlessly to each other on Cellphones to say how we miss each other. (Another one of those no thank you's. People who need to be attached to their phones when they don't see each other should have their heads examined. And I don't mean you, Emily. LDRs are different beasts. This dude wants a local girlfriend. He could probably also use a life. And also -- Cellphones? SPELL. CHECK.)
Reason 10 I won't try to get into your pants on the first date.(...)
Reason 9 I won't try to get into your pants on the second date.(...)
Reason 8 Aren't third dates great? (I guess this is better than a "six month" rule)
Reason 2 I'm a single, well grounded, good values. (What's "a good values"? And why are you one?)

And that's why Laura and I need to get on this book. Because like she said, "The path to hell is paved with good intentions -- and this guy is going to hell." (Then again, so are we).

[Currently Spinning: Smashing Pumpkins - Muzzle]

Birthday Peekshurss!

Rachel was all kinds of awesome and took pictures on my birthday (sadly, she, Karrissa, and Barrett were on her side of the table, so they're not there, but you'll get the gist).

They can be found Here, at my flickr site, in case you don't obsessively check my sidebar :)

RIGHT?!

There is a pecha kucha happy hour at work today. We had the first one in December, but fortunately my name was not drawn for the first round of people (I had a HugeAss^TM deadline, and would surely have dropped dead of exhaustion and obligation).

However, I am one of the lucky people who gets to present today. 20 slides. 20 seconds per slide. I'm about THISCLOSE to throwing up in the bathroom right now. I despise public speaking -- and yes, my coworkers count as "public." Even though half of them were at the infamous office party, and so we're way beyond the point of my embarrassing myself -- I still don't want to do this. Did I mention that I loathe public speaking? Almost as much as, nay, more than people who don't use the GD Spellcheck.

You know, last night I was actually so nervous that I was physically shaking. Physically...shaking. Uncontrollably. And leaving people (namely Laura) voicemails about my underwear. And all I could think was, "how can my heart be beating so fast and me, still be standing here. Alive?"

I know you can't die of embarrassment. Or panic. And this is no reason to be embarrassed. Or panicked.

Wait. You CAN'T die from embarrassment. RIGHT???

I don't know what you're talking about

I was thinking on the T this morning. Serious thoughts. So serious I could barely focus on the crossword puzzle.

I'm happy right now. I would even go so far as to say that I'm secure in myself, and that I've become happy with the person I've grown to be. I found principles and I'm sticking to them. I don't lie about who I am, and it's a personal relief to know that all the stuff I've said wasn't just lip service, but me speaking truthfully from my heart.

But everything I do these days is clouded by this hesitation that I have. And even though I'm still doing things the same old Briar way, I'm doing them with a new twist. With a newfound caution that was never there before. It almost feels like I keep thinking, "One misstep and everything that I've so carefully built for myself -- my entire fragile world -- could come crashing down again." And you know, I know that it wouldn't be that bad right now; it wouldn't be the end of the world. Caution isn't so bad. Sometimes it's what keeps you from being hurt; but sometimes it's what keeps you from experiencing life. And lately, separating the fear from the caution is difficult.

It's kind of like knitting, and right now it's like I've cast on and knit a few rows. So what if I've done it wrong? It's just a few rows. I can just rip it back and start over. With new yarn, because sometimes that's what you do when you're knitting, and the yarn is all wrong for you. Or worse, when you're all wrong for the yarn.

But this time it's different. This time it feels like I'm using a really facny cashmere/silk blend, so beautiful and delicate that I wouldn't mind just laying in it all the time. Something so soft it makes my heart skip a beat. Something priceless and handspun and really hard to find. And that scares me.

I mean...what? That wasn't a metaphor. Seriously.

More Than A Feeling

Sometimes moments pass so quickly, your liable to just forget they happened. For me, these tend to be the moments that might make my day a better one, whereas I'm likely to let the bad moments sear themselves into my brain until my whole day is tainted with the ugliness. I forget that only I am in control of my emotions, and that only I can make myself sad or happy or angry.

Yesterday, I dropped my shoe in the subway. A kind man picked it up and handed it to me, and I felt like a modern day Cinderella for a second. Any other day, any other guy, and I might have been left to fend for myself. Instead, a kind stranger made a kind gesture, which is rare in Boston.

I walk around with my eyes to the ground most days. I can't just tell myself, "That stops today," but I'm going to make an effort not to let Boston affect me like that anymore. There's no reason not to be the kind stranger that might brighten someone else's otherwise normal day.

After all, I'm going to be here for a while. It's time to start making a difference.

So everybody put your best suit or dress on

So, it's a new year again. New years, new beginnings, fresh starts...it's so arbitrary the way people think their lives are going to change when a new year comes.

Do you get that fresh feeling (musical pun intended -- and enjoyed) at the beginning of a new year? I know I do, but I think I am on "new start" hyperdrive since my birthday is just about a week after the new year. It hardly takes two weeks before I've fallen back into my old routines and bad habits, before the year reaches its expiration date and becomes stale.

However, I'm jazzed for 2007. I am SOOOO over 2006, y'all. If December hadn't snuck up on me the way it did, I would even go so far as to say that 2006 did nothing for me, and that I'm glad to be done with it.

But 2006 brought me so many things. I started to become comfortable in my own skin. I found new confidence, new music, new clothes, and a "new" personality to go with said confidence (the "new" personality really being my very same "old" personality before I allowed my life to be consumed and defined by my relationship).

I'm ready to grab 2007 by the horns, and make things happen. And I have a really good feeling about 2007.

How about you?

[Currently Spinning: Death Cab For Cutie - The New Year]

Wrapping Up 2006

Wrapping up 2005

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

Lost my job due to budget issues. Not that I'm proud of it or anything, but all the other big stuff I'd done before (moving, getting a new job, buying an ipod...). I guess I also temped for the first time. That's a good thing. And I was commissioned to knit things for people! For monies!

Oh -- and went to and then hosted a Passion Party.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
From last year:

This year I have a few. I want to work out more, eat better, drink more water, and improve my posture. I want to take more pictures and stay more focused at work. Yeah – loads of resolutions.

Well, I did none of those...I did work out more sometimes, but that wasn't consistent. My posture has gotten worse, if that's possible. I probably took more pictures, but I also stopped mid-year. And focus at work? Psh. As if. Yeah. I sucked. At life.

This year, I want to work out more (HA), be a nicer person (at least outwardly), and definitely be more patient (both inside and out). And drink more water.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I count my blessings -- no one did this year.

5. What countries did you visit?
The Midwest

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2006?
A healthy relationship with myself <----This was there from last year. I thought it was still apt.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
I can't think of one day in particular. Perhaps Lesley's wedding. Even though that was associated with a flurry of activity in the entire weekend surrounding the wedding.

Maybe December 19th...Or should that be the 17th?

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finding a job that I like -- working with people whose company I genuinely enjoy. And finally being able to accept myself the way I am -- and coming close to being truly happy.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Allowing myself to become depressed when I lost my job.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really this year. There were lots of paper cuts. Some busted toenails. But no real injuries.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought my sister some pants that she's been absolutely coveting all year. It was nice to get my sister something that she wanted that my parents would never in a million years get her -- both because I could afford it and because I wanted to make her happy.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?Anyone at the office who didn't judge me too harshly at one of our parties.

And my sister, for being generally awesome. And for getting into West Point.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Well, it depends on what you mean by appalled. And I was never depressed due to other people's actions. People can't make you feel anything you don't want to feel.

I think if anyone made me feel appalled, it was me, for my own behavior.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Aside from rent and utilities (and my gym membership), I bought a lot of CDs and DVDs this year. And surprisingly less shoes than last year. Okay. That's still a lot of shoes...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I can't think of any one thing...part of the problem with being mildly depressed for most of the year is that it takes quite a bit to get you excited about anything. And so now I'm starting to get really excited about stuff, but for some reason "my first real date with a boy I actually like a lot" and "OMG, guys, he called me"

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Say Goodnight and Go by Imogen Heap

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
I suppose that if I'm going to be honest, I'm happier. Last year, even though I still had my grandmother on my mind (in the way that hurts so bad), I was in a relationship I was really excited about. But I was hiding it from people, and other people were mad at me, and I felt like no one really approved (whether or not they did is beside the point). I ended up thinking I was happy, but really feeling like it was all the calm before the storm. And it was. This year I think it's pretty much that I'm mildly happy about life things. I'm pretty happy about the boy situation. And I have a job I like instead of one I'm settling for. I think if anything, it's the calm after last year's storm.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Travel. And relish my happier moments.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I wish that I had spent less time eating and sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my family, maybe around the tree, opening presents.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
That's a good question.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
I didn't, but I think I'm finally ready to accept love in my life again, should it want to find me.

23. How many one-night stands?
None

24. What was your favorite TV program?
The Office, The Brak Show, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and as always, Futurama.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I try to make it a policy not to hate people. I do dislike some people strongly, but that list is pretty much the same as it was last year.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Time Traveler's Wife, My Sister's Keeper

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Blow, The Raconteurs, and most definitely We Are Scientists.

28. What did you want that you also ended up getting?
Heheheh

29. What did you want that you did not end up getting?
I didn't get an electric guitar or a record player. But I am going to try to snag an acoustic guitar from my parents and steal their record player.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Besides Talladega Nights? You mean other movies came out this year?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?I turned 22 -- it seems like ages ago. We went to the Cactus Club for dinner, then hit up Whiskey's, then went clubbing at the Big Sleazy.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Finding a job more quickly, and with less weight gain.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Indie-tastic.

34. What kept you sane?
Not caring much about the outcome of things.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Steve Carrell

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
None really stir me all that much.

37. Who did you miss?
My grandmother, always. My friends. Laura, Jessica, Teresa, Lisa, Ben...I miss everyone that made college so special.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
:)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
To just go for it. It can't hurt more than not going for it. Also, to relax -- and stop freaking the fuck out about everything.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

The scene is dead but I'm still restless
An hour or so till the last call I guess
I shouldn't even be here much less
Drinking myself into excess
I'm not going home till I'm done

--The Scene is Dead - We Are Scientists

OR (more likely):

i have tried
my hopes have blossomed
and my hopes have fried,
i tried to cut them all down
but i found hopes were still living deep inside

--Fists Up! - The Blow

Why they call it raisin?

I finished reading two books on this trip (so far). The first one was My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picoult. I recommend this one -- Emily is the one who originally told me about the book, but I didn't get around to it until I picked up The Tenth Circle at the airport on my trip to Lancaster. Because I loved it so much, I figured I'd give another Jodi Picoult book a shot and I was not disappointed.

I have to rant a little bit about Little Children, though.

Little Children was written by Tom Perrotta, who wrote Election, which I haven't read -- but I've seen the Reese Whitherspoon/Matthew Broderick movie based on that book, and loved it. I heard that Kate Winslet was going to be in this movie (Little Children) and so I implicitly wanted to see it, and by association, read the book. Never having seen a real preview, I couldn't imagine that it wasn't anything but fabulous -- and maybe it is. The book, however, is the worst piece of trash I have ever picked up, and I have picked up some pretty bad books in my life.

Aside from the story line, which was a little bit unbelievable, I had two major peeves with this book. Firstly, the toddlers in this book speak like little retarded children. I know I shouldn't say that, because it's fairly non-PC, but I swear to God. Children only speak as poorly as you teach them to speak. I suppose since on more than one occasion I caught adults in this book using improper grammar ("do good on a test" for instance), I shouldn't be surprised that the toddlers say things like "what you favorite color?" and "why they call it raisin?" Apparently, in Massachusetts suburbs they're raising some little ignoramuses -- Perrotta himself included. (and in no way to suggest anything about any friends I have who grew up in MA suburbs ;)

The second peeve I had was that the sex scenes were just appalling. They were clearly written by a man -- and they were degrading. Sarah was described in excruciating detail, and Todd would fade into the background. I mean come on. It was frustrating at best, and insulting at worst.

I already listed this book on half.com -- and I really hope some sucker buys it from me. Only because I lost the receipt. Because this book is so bad, I'd throw shame to the wind and return it. It sucked that hard.

Wolf Parade

I downloaded a song by Sunset Rubdown recently, with no expectations -- I had no idea what band this was, or what to expect. I've gotten such a deluge of new music lately that I don't even bother to listen to all of it anymore. It became necessary to add the "Date Added" field in iTunes just to figure out, based on which songs haven't been played and/or rated, which I have added to my library without bothering to take a listen.

I recognized the voice immediately, but didn't think it was possible. I guess when your life is music, it shouldn't surprise people when you are in three overlapping Indie bands. And I guess Wolf Parade hasn't released anything since Queen Mary, which has probably left time for side projects.

Anyway, yes. That's Spencer Krug of Wolf Parade and Swan Lake. He's got an awesome voice, in the way that Billy Corgan had an awesome voice -- there's no denying it when you hear it. I happen to love it, but I've heard it's not for everyone. Still -- I think it's sexxy.

I also found a Hot Chip remix of Do The Whirlwind (by Architecture in Helsinki). It's...interesting. I think I'll keep it.

I also don't know what to do with all my free time

Being home has provided me with an extra-special holiday rollercoaster of emotion.

My dad predicted that it would take my sister and me four days to start fighting. In reality it was three days. And instead of my sister, it was my mother. And instead of happening within the safe confines of the house it happened at a crowded Chick-fil-a at the mall. We r awesome.

Anyway, things are better now, and instead of talking about that, I'll talk about the things in El Paso that I fully plan on taking advantage of (Chick-fil-a and Terrazas having been crossed off the list today): Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Arby's, and Schlotzskys. Well...maybe not Schlotzsky's...

I got to see Peter and Patrick on the 23rd. We watched Talladega Nights, and then flipped through various infomercials. The infomercials with the running O'Brien commentary were as funny as Talladega Nights.

So now I'm just relaxing. I can't believe I took a week off of work. I don't know what to do...with my hands.

I'm not really that cynical, but it writes up well

I am stuck at Logan right now -- flying standby to Denver. Then from Denver to El Paso.

God knows when I'll set foot on El Paso soil, because I'm not entirely convinced I'll be lucky enough to be on the 4 o'clock flight, and assuming that I am, I'm not entirely convinced I'll make any sort of connection to El Paso. I mean...what? My glass is totally half full.

In the meantime, I purchased Internets for the day. $8, which sounds worth it and very reasonable. A girl can't live without her Internet! Hence the blogging.

I don't understand why I can't be routed through some other hub. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to ask, and now I'm feeling rather sheepish about how easily I let the obnoxious tiny woman behind the counter tell me that there were no other options since I've checked my bags. My bags and I...we parted ways. I don't intend to see them for a while -- I've made my peace with that. Now can we please discuss getting me on another plane, woman? This only occurred in my head. Instead I slunk away meekly, deciding that people actually trying to get to Denver should come first. Which is about the dumbest kind of reasoning I've ever come up with, yet.

So the office party last night was fun, aside from some of the topics of conversation, which weren't very fun for me. At least I think this will be the last time those things come up. I wasn't the office drunk this time around, and for that I'm rather proud -- although I did get in trouble for tending bar later in the evening. Well, mildly scolded, at least. There was no bartender, and he had not announced last call! So we grabbed something before they packed up the bar, and I am not ashamed of that. Also, Everyone loved my skirt -- the one I almost didn't wear because I thought the tulle made me look like a five year old in a ballet recital. But I got at least five independent compliments.

Of course, the drinking left me ill equipped to deal with the "your flight was cancelled" crisis. My dad called twice -- having no idea I wasn't sitting sedately at home. I was wondering why the hell I gave the airline my parents' phone number. I think it's just stored on the priceline/expedia server as my primary number, which I guess made sense when I was in college. I was on hold with united forever, until I decided I just couldn't deal with this, and passed out on my futon.

I started calling again at six in the morning, knowing full well that I would probably be booked on a later flight, and possibly that I'd be on standby. I just wanted to sleep in my own bed until I had to leave for the airport. No dice. I had to head to the airport in person to get the bad news. And so here I am, waiting for a plane that will probably leave without me. If it leaves at all.

Story of my life.

The 747's - Rain Kiss

It's raining kisses for you
She has a lot to give
So keep your head up high
And take it as you live

For when the rain falls
And then it shines like this
I fall down at your feet
I fall down at your feet
For this beautiful rain kiss, yeah
Never thought I'd see a day like this
But you know I'll made a promise to be there
When the sun and rain meet unaware

It's raining kisses for you
It lives beneath your feet
It keeps you company
Til the next time we meet

For when the rain falls
And then it shines like this
I fall down at your feet
I fall down at your feet
For this beautiful rain kiss, yeah
Never thought I'd see a day like this
But you know I'll make a promise to be there
When the sun and rain meet unaware

(Doo doo doo doo doo)

OK...Go!

I'm trying to get through the top 50 Music Videos of 2006, doing a video or two a day -- but hopefully finishing before 2006 is over.

Won't you watch with me?

If you gotta go, darling, maybe it's better that way

I have a bruise on my toe. I think I got it back in May, when I dropped a full bottle of horseraddish sauce from the fridge. It hit just at the bottom of my nail, and left a nasty bluish purple spot. It grew a little bit more when the nail grew out, and then it started to grow out with the nail.

Here we are, seven months later, and the bruise has become a part of me. Every time I've looked down at my un-pedicured feet, it has been there -- a new reassuring constant in my life.

It's reached the top of my toe now, and it's starting to grow out.

I'm not saying I want a big nasty bruise on my toe. In fact, it will be kind of cool to look down in about a month and see two perfectly neat, unbruised big toes.

But I can't say that I won't miss my little friend, either.

[Currently Spinning: Ace of Base - Don't Turn Around]

I've been just waiting, and hesitating With this heart of mine

This week has been hellishly busy. I worked crazy hours, but it did not stop me from going out at all (except for Roller Derby -- I missed that because I C-R-A-S-H-E-D, and I crashed Hard on Saturday afternoon).

There was the concert on Thursday, the movie on Friday (followed by hours of asshole, and then a Scrabble game that lasted until five in the morning), and then a lot of little things on Saturday (manicure with Emily and Sam, picking up prescriptions, mailing letters, and things like that). It was so bad that not only did I crash in the afternoon, but I had to convince myself that going over to J and Barrett's to watch UCB was better than laying in bed until a respectable bedtime.

I did finally get rid of the growler that's been in our fridge since Phil and Dave visited. I was a little embarrassed by the fact that the date is stamped in big red numbers on the cap of the bottle. September. Why would I leave beer in my fridge for so long? Anyway, I'm glad that it was adopted by boys who will, invariably, give it a good home.

[Currently Spinning: Peter Salett - Heart of Mine]

We Are Scientists.

Do people who are in a couple realize how hard it is for people who aren't in a couple, sometimes?

I was standing behind a couple at a concert tonight -- they kept...Moving; talking to each other. Getting in my way. In the end, I was less bitter about the fact that they kept flaunting their squishiness than the fact that they were up in my face doing it.

I don't know. It was still an awesome concert. It helps when the lead singer is a HOTTIE. I almost didn't make it. In fact, I had the cab pick me up to take me home. Home, where my bed is. Instead, I went to a concert, where my earplugs weren't.

But spontaneity is where it's at, guys. I'll only be young once, right?

And I Don't Think I've Found the Tempo

Today's headlines are reading like a star-studded version of a depressing Christmas newsletter:

Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn Split
Rachel Bilson & Adam Brody Split
Farrah Fawcett 'Doing Well' After Cancer Treatment

Okay, sure, these are People Magazine online headlines; fine.

Today is still already starting out on the wrong beat.

Like pigeons on my windowsill we hang around

Phil is a fan of "drive-by" Instant Messaging. He'll drop a bomb, or leave an indecipherable message, and then sign off. It's frustrating, but also flattering and amusing.

Apropos of almost nothing, I got this little wonder today, right before he left for a meeting:

"With [good] friends, seeing you emotionally naked is perfectly fine.
physically naked is not.
With dating it's the opposite.
But I guess each subset comprises different things;
and you've gotta find the person you can do both with?
I'll leave you to ponder that"

And so I am now leaving y'all to ponder that. Cos I'm busy.

[Currently Spinning: Joseph Arthur - Honey and the Moon]

Monday Madness - Closing Out the Year

1. I wish people would just think about people other than themselves -- or at least apologize when they don't; it's not always intentional and everyone does it.

2. My biggest pet peeve where other drivers are concerned, is when people cruise in the left lane. It's for passing, not poking it. I'm not really a driver these days, though. Mostly, I hate it when jerks in cars almost hit me, or honk at me when I'm in a G-D crosswalk, or give me ugly looks because I have the right of way. That's just TOO BAD FOR YOU! Move to a less pedestrian-friendly city, jerkface.

3. I will probably spend about 300 on holidays this season, not counting travel.

4. I really hope to know a little bit more about a certain current situation by the end of this calendar year.

5. I make about two big resolutions each year, and keep zero of them, unless it's one like...say, a year or two ago I decided to be more tolerant. I know that I'm not consistently more tolerant, but I do know that since I made that resolution it's been a conscious decision for me to try to be more tolerant every day (or not).

My Genuis Nerdiness is Unappreciated

Yesterday at Emily's, Matt said something about how we were all going to do things just to prove him wrong (he predicted that Emily would be the "one with the most marriages," and that "I would never get married," because sometimes Matt is tactless funny.)

"You'll all contradict my predictions just to prove me wrong, and then you'll lead unhappy lives."
"It'll be like a Tolstoy novel," I said.
"Seriously?" Alisa asked, "You're serious?"

And so the most recent PA comic made me smile a little brighter than usual today:

I'm not really that big a fan of Fleetwood Mac

I went out with college boyfriend last night.

We met at the Asgard for dinner with some drinks, then dinner and a movie. Not feeling feelings is strange, but it was good, and I'm glad that I did this. I will probably never see him again, and I really needed the closure.

Minnesota: Part III

So, Minnesota: Part 3. Better than The Godfather: Part 3, I swear.

Saturday was half day of rest (slash hangover control), half dinner and a movie.

Laura took Lizzie and me to see Happy Feet and then to eat at Chino Latino.

Happy Feet was...amazing. I don't know that it needed to be as funny as we thought it was (Laura told me at the beginning, "Is this going to be penguins singing and dancing for two hours? Because if it is, I'm okay with that.") It took me 3.5 seconds to pull out the "Big...BLUE," and we were, the three of us, laughing at the most INAPPROPRIATE times ("NORMA JEAN!!!!"). The movie was...Very political. That's all I'll say about it. Okay, except that also, there was like an hour and a half of development -- and then about two minutes of resolution -- good for the kiddies, frustrating for me.

Anyway, dinner was amazing. The burrito, not so much, but the tostada and the lo mein were perfect. Lizzie got a blue hawaiian that came with dry ice, and so it was all foggy and luauish...or something. I was impressed, anyway. Then, the dessert. The coconut ice cream. On something. Oh: bananas. OH MY GOD. It was positively orgasmic. Until I found something. A nut. I thought it was a peanut, but Laura told me it was probably a macadamia nut. Whatever it was, it harshed my buzz. But if I'd had a tub and gallons of that ice cream -- you wouldn't have to tell me twice; I'd be bathing in it within minutes.

It was a good night out, and quite a bit of fun. Whenever I look at the magnet(s) I snagged from Chino Latino, I'll become wistful. That is, if I ever put them on my fridge.

Movies Blockbuster Says I Saw in November

The Secret Lives of Dentists - This was a really good movie, except for the weird way he would freak out and...hallucinate? Daydream? I don't think it was misplaced or anything, just that it was weirdly done. The thing is, this movie satisfied my desire for something real, and I think that it did a good job portraying what might happen to somoene in a marriage where one spouse is cheating. David Hurst seemed inhuman to me at first, until I realized that a lot of people are scarily closed off and cold. Four and a half stars. ★★★★

Before Sunset - I liked this movie so much more than the prequel. SO MUCH MORE. Maybe it's because I had a somewhat grudging emotional investment in the characters. I don't know how people feel about spoilers, but I am really glad that they both really wanted to see each other again, but missed each other. I am delighted that nine years later, they still love each other even though Ethan Hawke's character is married. It's so brutal! Four stars. ★★★★

About Schmidt - This was a good movie, but since the theme of the month is my ability or disability to suspend belief, I just felt that the setup was too convenient. Not saying it couldn't happen, I just felt...well, set up. It was kind of cute, though -- especially his toast at his daughter's wedding. Four stars. ★★★★

The Children's Hour - This was such a fantastic movie. I love Audrey Hepburn, and this movie disturbed me so much. I like a good disturbing movie. And man was I angry. I like movies that can make me angry. I do wish that the resolution had been different, but at least there was a release at the end. Four and a half stars. ★★★★

Downfall - I didn't get around to seeing this documentary/film about Hitler's last days. I do want to try to rent it again, but it will have to be of the moment because while I was really excited about it while it was in my queue, I was not thrilled to watch it when it came, or for two weeks after.

Dig! - A documentary about the Dandy Warhols? I am so there. This was both informative and entertaining (well, I guess it wasn't terribly informative, since I already had a basic knowledge of their career, but the Brian Jonestown angle was informative, since I never followed their career). Five stars. ★★★★★

My Neighbor Totoro - It was a cartoon. Anime with english dubbed over? Or English movie drawn anime style? I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. It was okay. When If I have kids, I'm going to have to have knitting if they want to watch stuff like this, cos I almost poked my eyes out a few times. Two stars. ★★

The Break Up - Okay, fine, this was kind of "realistic" where in the end it kind of happens the way it might in real life. Still, this movie? Not worth peeing my pants over, and not worth obsessively checking the queue because of the "Long wait" I had just because I had two damn dvds out when this came out even though I pre-requested it like three months ago. TWO STARS, Jen! And that's post-pity party about Brad. Make better movies, woman! ★★

Minnesoter Part Duex

On Friday, Laura and I decided to hit the shops in search of "Black Friday" Sales -- Black Friday, which is now to be known as "You're Welcomesgiving Day" (Matt, if that's wrong please correct me in the comments).

We hit Kohls (I miss Kohls -- even though I couldn't find that jacket I really wanted in my size), and then tried a bunch more places to get barware for Laura's apartment, because people were coming over and she didn't have glasses for drinking. Not REAL drinking, anyway.

I showed incredible restraint (because I knew the Mall of America was coming up on Sunday), but I've been more disappointed by Black Friday sales before, so it was not a total loss. Laura took her mother and me to Michael's so I was able to finish my wristlets, and her mother bought me a penguin cup for my penguin pen.

That night, I got to meet some of Laura's high school friends. I finally met "her other" Ben, and also Lizzie -- who I loved. We went to a drag club first, and I wish we could have stayed longer because it was a riot and I was practically sober. Had we been there after I'd had a few drinks, I would probably have been giving some drag queens some dollar bills (which is a drastic change from the last time I was around drag queens and gay strippers, when Aurora got me that lap dance and I was SO EMBARRASSED).

We ended up at this other club, after the group met up with Clint, another one of Laura's friends from high school. The place seemed a little swanky for us (Clint was wearing sneakers, and most of us were in jeans -- except Laura, who was smoking hot in a skirt and lacy top plus ho boots), but there were plenty of opportunities to make fun of the thirty-somethings getting their flirt on (which instantly means I'm either a) going to hell, or b) am destined to be one of the desperate thirty-somethings looking for my future mate one night stand at a bar).

Clint was a riot. I thought I had no filter -- but Clint said everything I was thinking. Everything. Even things I wasn't thinking, but wished I were.

The evening ended at iHop at about 4 in the morning, as all good evenings should.

And I built this balustrade to keep you home, to keep you safe

I don't know how to adequately describe my trip to Minnesota, but I have to start somewhere. I had said in my previous entry that when I left, I was...Very unhappy with my life (maybe I didn't say that. I was very unhappy with my life. There, I said it.)

Fortunately, the night before I left, some things came to a head, and I was able to overcome them, although residual feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, and embarrassment were boarding that plane with me in my carry-on emotional baggage.

By the time I landed in Pittsburgh, I wasn't sure it was the right time to be going on vacation. By the time I got to Chicago, I was distressed that I would be seeing one of my best friends, supposed to be having fun, and was instead feeling like a big sopping wet blanket. By the time I landed in Minneapolis, all of it started to dissipate.

Laura was the best hostess, ever.

I met her [crazy] family -- and her mother's [even MORE crazy] friend(s). I'm glad they didn't tone it down for my sake. Here are some of the things I learned:

Men are like shoes -- and before you get married, you should try on lots and lots of shoes (Laura has already mentioned this, but it came up again). Also, you don't want a pair that does just one thing (you know, like look really cute). You want cross-trainers. I want Really Cute cross trainers.

Also, for some reason, men are like meat. I don't remember that one in it's entirety. Something about stinky meat on driveways versus meat in the fridge...? Anyway...

Thanksgiving was...Spectacular. There was SO MUCH FOOD. I was seriously in a food coma by the end of the evening -- and I didn't even use the big plate. Laura's mom is all kinds of fabulous.

So that was Minnesota, Part I. Don't worry, there's at least a Part II -- it involves less food (but only by a little), and more of Laura's friends.

[Currently Spinning: The Decemberists]

I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end

So, when I left for Minnesota, I was in a terrible state of mind. (Alternate title: The BMX bike of my life is about to explode)

A funny bit of trivia: Last year, at this exact time, I was listening to L.G.Fuad incessantly. It reminded me of the whole...ordeal thing I was going through, or something. Now, it makes me think of Connecticut. It makes me think about teetering on the verge of utmost happiness -- so much happiness that I thought I might just spontaneously explode in a burst of stardust one day out of pure unadulterated joy. Which is weird because, this song? Is not about utter happiness and delight in life.

I need a change. I need a big momentous change. It needs to rock my world. And I think I can manage that.

Grad school was going to be that change, but it looks like I'm going to wait another year. Until then, I have all this prep stuff I can do, but it's still a bummer that I haven't "figured out my life" yet. Whatever the crap that means. And until then I need to become a better person. I need to be the change that rocks my world. I need to be happy. For me.

Oh, and I finished some wrist warmers this weekend.

Trendy or not, I don't understand wrist warmers. "Not quite mittens, not quite sleeves...but man...hehehe. So to answer your question: I don't know."

Oh, right. Writing about Thanksgiving in Minnesota. I think I gave you enough to digest here for now. Maybe updates about the trip that made me seriously consider moving somewhere in the Midwest (cough: Minnesota) some time later.

[Currently Spinning: Motion City Soundtrack - L.G.Fuad]

Monday Madness - Holiday Edition

1. Which of the holidays that you celebrate, do you feel is the most important?

I feel that birthdays are more important than holidays, although Christmas is very important.

2. Which holiday do you most enjoy?

Christmas through New Year's -- I sort of enjoy the whole season.

3. Is there one holiday that your family tries to get together every year? If so, which one?

Christmas

4. Share one special memory from a past holiday.

The only special memory I can come up with is actually one I'd rather not share. I'll come back to this later.

5. Name one holiday coming up, that you're really looking forward to, and why.

I am looking forward to going home for Christmas. I would be looking forward to Thanksgiving so I could see Laura, but since I'm already in Minnesota...

Monday Madness - Fill in the blanks

1. In order to protect my computer from viruses, I use my faith in Jesus. I should probably back it up with Norton Antivirus, though.
2. I also use adaware and spybot for protection from spyware. But I guess it's not really preventative, since I use it to scan for spyware that's already in my computer.
3. I don't spend nearly enough time flossing.
4. The first person I usually talk to in the morning is myself. Oh, I mean Laura, actually.
5. It takes me about an hour to get ready in the morning. Generally, because I feel the need to watch TV or play with my DS Lite in between actual "getting ready" activities like brushing my teeth.
6. I keep all my appointments in Outlook, making it difficut for me to know what's going on when I'm not at work.
7. It takes me about twenty minutes, maybe to fall asleep at night.

My sister got her official appoinment to West Point today!

That's all :)

Stop Drilling into My Head, Please

Well, today was an eventful day.

I woke up this morning with a headache. Nothing completely out of the ordinary, although I've never had a headache specifically like this before. Nothing else hurts, nothing else is...affected. It's just a pain in the side of my head, and I've been describing it as though my head is in a drill press, which seems kind of accurate. Nothing around the affected area hurts, it's a pinpoint pain, and moving my head or body doesn't affect the intensity of the pain at all. Aside from nausea that I felt earlier today, I didn't feel any of the usual symptoms associated with this kind of pain in my head.

I left work at 3:00.

After I threw up.

That's the only reason I called it quits. That and, it's pretty difficult to concentrate when someone's got a drill to your skull -- I'm just saying.

I came home to find a package from Tokyo Police Club, their CD and a t-shirt. I don't look great in grey. Or in American Apparel tshirts. Fine, whatever. That's my fault. What really pisses me off is that the jewel case of the CD was broken. I mean, honestly, I don't feel like mailing this back, regardless of who pays for it. Yeah, I'll just deal with it, and yeah, that probably means I shouldn't be bitching about it here or anything, but how hard is it to get a CD from point A to point B without breaking it, assholes?

I hate our Postal Service guy/gal. Hate. Among the packages that are just MISSING are a book that I ordered from mighty girl over a month ago, and some yarn I purchased on eBay in August. And that's just stuff I'm aware of. The problem is all of this stuff has confirmation of drop offs. So is someone stealing my packages? It's possible. Is the landlady keeping them, thinking in her senility that she's doing some sort of service? Also possible, but then fuck her son for not noticing and bringing them over because he's not 96 and senile. Is the postal worker not leaving them, and taking them back to the Post Office? That's also possible, but goddamnit, now I have to walk out of my way in the morning, wait in line, and then ask them (I've tried calling, but they're Postal Workers. In other words, they're Completely Fucking Useless. Especially over the phone). The flaw in this is that I think one of my packages was sent via UPS. So what the hell, people?

On the other hand, I left work while it was still daylight, and so Scott recommended I get some good old UV rays in, to ward off the depression. I asked if I should hike up my pants to expose the backs of my knees (according to Scott, who is some sort of medical expert (JOKE), shining a flashlight on the back of your knees during the winter helps ward of S.A.D. I didn't bother to check up on this, since I was too busy laughing. And S.A.D. is serious business, folks. You don't laugh about S.A.D.)

I'm going back to bed. Why am I even still awake? Oh right, because I slept for four hours already today.

Maybe Coffee Will Help

I keep hovering over a posting page, with...so much to say, and yet nothing at all to say. This has been going on every day for a long time, now.

I'm knitting a hat. It's like the hat that won't end. Perhaps because I knit a row or two at night most nights, and I'm used to big blocks of knitting, and then obsessive knitting on the T. I'm also not sure how it'll turn out because I'm just going on the fly. There are some cables at the brim, and then I stopped with the cables for a while, and after some increases to make the hat...jauntier, I started with cables again, but smaller ones.

It could be really cool. Or really horrible. I also haven't decided if it will be a gift or not.

Since I started this entry, I have lost all of my steam...so it's time to go to work. And have some coffee.

I kind of want to try men's deodorant because it smells fresh and clean. Not like a baby's butt. Is that weird?

I think I want to switch deodorants.

Yes, hi. I don't update for a long time and then BAM! We're talking personal hygiene. But seriously.

I do not like smelling things. I don't like the way people smell on the T (yes, even you, who practically bathed in perfume this morning because you think it makes you smell "nice." You're the worst of them all. I hate you the most). It's gotten pretty bad these days. I have gotten to the point where I don't like my laundry detergent, which is some innocuous brand of "all" that barely has an odor. And I use very little of it in my wash. And still. For days, nay -- weeks after my laundry is done all of it smells like...Laundry. Bleh.

And I'm not saying I like the smell of stanky clothes, either, I'm just saying I don't want them to have a smell. I don't want them to smell like lavender. Or soap. Or sweat. I don't want to be able to smell my clothes. Period.

I haven't found a happy medium yet. Because this is kind of like the shower issue. I shower every day. But some days? Some days it's like I can feel myself dragging my inner lazy bum, kicking and screaming, into the shower, and God, it's painful, and I hate every moment of it. And afterwards, I have to spend several minutes lotioning my entire body because I've got a severe lotion addiction, and my skin actually needs artificial moisturizer and it's my fault. And then I'm just going to have to shower again tomorrow! It's so ridiculous! Why with all the showering?!?

My current solution to the laundry issue? Buying new clothes. Yeah, they smell like the store. Yes, five dozen other girls probably tried on that very blouse. But you know what? At least the store smells like new clothes. And that's a smell that currently isn't annoying the hell out of me. Briar:one, Universe:fifty-seven.

Movies Blockbuster Says I Saw in October

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask - I have a confession to make. Aside from Match Point and Everyone Says I Love You (which I didn't love, but I enjoyed it enough to watch it twice. Maybe because of Edward Norton), I am just not a Woody Allen Fan. This movie was a bunch of sketches that I felt like I had seen before (and maybe I had -- that's how much it stuck), and I mostly watched it to wait for the Gene Wilder sketch, which was really really cute. Well, as cute as bestiality can be. Overall, it's kind of like Airplane. I didn't really want to see it. After I saw it, I wasn't raving about it. I would, however, recommend it because it's funny. I just wouldn't buy it and lend it to people to get them to watch it. Three stars. ★★★

The Office Season One - I decided to catch up on the American version of the Office so I could watch the new ones on Thursday nights, even though I've sort of accidentally stopped watching TV in the past few weeks. I even missed Grey's Anatomy this week (gasp!). So, you know...Anyway, this is a great show, if you haven't already heard (and yes, I like the British version "more," but mostly I like whichever one I'm watching more than whichever one I'm not watching) so...Five stars! ★★★★★

She's The Man - I'm not saying I'm proud of it, but in the interest of full disclosure, yes, I rented this movie. There was legitimate motivation behind this. Laura tells me it is actually a remake of a not so terrible movie. And I kind of like Amanda Bynes. She's cute, I want to feed her a sandwich. Or twelve. It also took me the full hour and a half or however long this movie was to finally concede, "Okay, maybe the lead boys are a little cute." And honestly -- at least if a movie's going to be terrible, and you know your market is 12-15 year old girls (otherwise known as me and Laura), GET SOME PRETTY ACTORS! One star, and that's just because I'm too nice to give zero stars. ★

The Office Season Two - Again, I just rented this to catch up. It slowed down my movie renting, but it was worth it. I can't say much more, but the second season is way better than the first. Especially for any of those who think that since the first seson's first few episodes go by the UK version verbatim, since the story line really starts to diverge in the US version by season two (I think. Sometimes when people have accents or "don't," I'm really dense about things). Five stars. ★★★★★

The Deer Hunter - I may have had to wait about a week and a half to watch this movie, because I knew it was going to be sad, and I knew that I did not have the mental energy to do it. When I finally watched it, I have to admit that while I found it good, and man Christopher Walken...man...this movie goes on the list of movies I liked, but would never rent for myself. I don't even know who/what list/what website told me that I HAD TO see this movie, but that was my only motivation, and it was obvious when I sat down to watch it. Now that I have seen it, I'm glad, and it was good, and people should see it, but again, I don't know that it's something I'll ever push on someone. Four stars. ★★★★

Say Anything - Now this movie is more my speed. I think Say Anything was the last and only movie from the '80s that I hadn't ever actually seen! Even movies that I think I hadn't seen turned out to be movies that I had watched on TV when I was younger, but I really didn't remember any of Say Anything, so I'm convinced I finally found it. I loved this movie, it was really very cute -- but for different reasons would never FORCE, with threat of bodily harm, anyone to watch this movie. It's up there with Pretty in Pink, although this one probably won't find its way into my DVD collection. Three and a half stars. ★★★

Something New - Maybe it was the unwarranted crying fit I had towards the end (where "normal" Briar would have cried a little bit and thought "aw, how sweet," but unhinged Briar started sobbing uncontrollably, and would have paused the movie if I had wanted to watch it out of anything but a sense of responsibility to finish the last ten minutes). This movie was either seriously bad, or I was in the wrong mood to watch it. I think it was a little bit of both, because the movie probably wasn't as bad as I thought it was, but it was probably only as good as I thought it would be when I saw previews. It's just been in my recommendations for so long, I thought renting it would get it out of there. Two stars. ★★

I also physically rented two movies, but I can't remember what one of them was.

Junebug - This movie was as good as everyone tells me it was, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with the futility. The end was just...Aside from the scene in the hospital, I suppose. Anyway, it was a really good movie, and I'm going to go right ahead and jump on that and say, "Yes, why haven't you seen this movie yet?" (I had a reason. It was stupid, but I had it. But now I've finally seen it so what's your excuse?) Four and a half stars. ★★★★