Seen on the Boston Globe

Non-motorists include children, construction workers, cyclists, family pets, farm/wild animals, homeless, illiterate pedestrians, those confined to wheelchairs. Traffic laws were expressly written to protect them. None of them require a license to be on a public right of way. Motorists, however, do. All the onus for safety falls directly upon them. If you don't agree, as you signed on when applying for a license, you should immediately surrender yours

getting better

I had a rough night last night, but it was one of those situations that you simply can't do anything about. The resulting conversation actually made me feel way better, so even uncomfortable and sad situations can happen for a wonderful reason. I read this quote in zen habits after I'd calmed down, and so creating this today felt natural.

Melt Down

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Thoughts On My Bike by Andrea Dorfman

From the NYC Bicycle Film Festival '09:

Who glued these quarters down?

"I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren."

Bike Accident - For Real This Time

So, earlier this summer I was involved in a "hit and run" of sorts with a Boston cab driver (Boston Cab Associates, for the record - one of their hybrid cars). On the [very busy] Mass Ave. bridge, the cab had "stopped" [for me], but when I took my right of way he decided to go instead. He just hit my back wheel, and I managed to keep control of my bike and more importantly, I stayed on. It all seemed so scary at the time, but it really wasn't. I wasn't even hurt—just shaken.

But I survived it. I survived my first "accident." I felt victory as an urban rider.

Well, I spoke too soon, because on July 25th, I was thrown from my bike here. It was actually kind of funny because there were no cars involved in the accident part of my accident. I was too busy paying attention to the cab (go figure) that had cut me off, and my wheel got stuck in the train tracks, locked, and then I was thrown.

I lost a little bit of blood, but mostly I felt stupid. I felt stupid because it didn't occur to me that coming parallel at the tracks would catch my tire and that it would lock when I tried to turn.

Anyway, I had a lovely array of injuries:

I also had a pain in my shoulder. I couldn't move all day Sunday, but I laid on an ice pack for hours and then went to bed with one, and I felt fine on Monday. Again, I was grateful. Again, I had avoided a "real" accident. Yeah, I fell off my bike, because I'm stupid. I wasn't thrown in traffic. I wasn't hit by a car.

Well, I had my laughs about it, but I'm not laughing today. Mostly because it HURTS to laugh. It hurts to cough. It hurts like HELL to sneeze. I think I have a rotary cuff injury.

Has anyone experienced something like this? Is physical therapy the way to go? I'm running out of Ibuprofen and also the hope that this will heal itself. I thought it was a bruise, but I know I'm not qualified to diagnose my insides.

Where to Seat the Attendants

by Talley Sue Hohlfeld, Etiquette Expert

After the guest list, the seating chart is probably a bride's biggest headache. And the hardest part of THAT is, "Where should our attendants sit?"

The classic is the head table with all the wedding party, including bride and groom. But this has its flaws; if your attendants are married, or if their sweethearts are attending, this means you'll have to find those people a seat assignment elsewhere that they'll enjoy* (I'm sure you can imagine some of the complaints that result). You can weave the spouses into the head table, of course, but that can get to be pretty big!

Have you thought about seating for your attendants? What are you considering? And have you seen a solution you particularly like?

*emphasis mineto finish reading the article (which offers a great solution), you can go here

Or you could forgo the seating chart, put everyone your age in the wedding party, seat them all at the enormous head table while the "sweetheart" fends for herself, and then accuse the "sweetheart" of knitting during your wedding—but not to her face, of course.

It seems like a sure way to make your wedding the funnest fun times, ever.

On Disordered Eating

I just read this on a website I stumbled across while looking for reviews about outofyourlife.com:

Show me a woman who loves her belly (thighs, ass, nose, etc) and I'll show you a woman with an eating disorder...

I literally did a double-take.

I re-read the sentence a few times, and I know where she was going with it, but I think that the insensitivity of the statement knocked the wind out of me. I probably agree with the overall sentiment - find me a woman without insecurities and I will show you a liar, maybe. I would venture to say that even the most confident women I know still have hang-ups, although as someone who feels more comfortable with my neuroses than without, I'll be the first to admit that I wouldn't know what that feels like. And let's just remember that sometimes people with eating disorders aren't thin. But they are incredibly insecure.

I read something on sparkpeople.com recently about eating disorders and just how scarily common they are. Obviously all eating disorders have self-esteem issues at the root of them, at best, but by broadening the definition of "eating disorder" to include "disordered eating," one starts to include many women they might know... it's sad, really.

Anyway, that was my lol for the night - except for the part where the topic isn't particularly lolsy.

it's the little things

from tea and toast

I saw these adorable journals on flickr today: what a wonderful idea it would be to document things I am thankful for every day. Also a creative use for those gocco supplies hiding in my drawer.

Friday Inspiration

HP - invent from Tom and Matt on Vimeo.

This is such a clever video! It's a creative idea with a brilliant and well done set-up. It makes me want to go to design school.

Gift Idea for Architects

This awesome memo book from geografia would make a pretty cute gift for any civil-design oriented people in your life. The contours and altitude marks make each notebook a playful and unique landscape.









The only problem is that I don't know if I'd be able to bear to write on these, myself!

Beautiful Stop Motion

I couldn't help but share this beautiful stop motion save-the-date video. What a beautiful way to announce your wedding.

Monday Spark

J and I have been traveling a lot lately which means I have gotten behind on a lot of things. Aside from work, which piled up like omfg, the one I regret the most has been my diet/exercise routine. I had a pretty good thing going about a month ago, and I even lost some weight. Sure, most of my weight loss was directly involved with swine flu related loss of appetite, but I'll take the help where I can get it.

from Articulate Matter

In the past three weeks, I have dropped yoga, entirely, and my back, hips and asthma have not thanked me for it. I haven't taken a class in about two years, now, so all of my yoga has recently been done either with help from free internet videos, or the Basic Yoga Book which is a decent guide for beginners and people who, like me, have a hard time coming up with sequences on their own.

This morning, I did Yoga Today's Happy Hips and Hamstrings video. By the end I had my heels on the floor during a downward facing dog, which is not something I have been able to accomplish since I was taking yoga at MIT during my undergrad years. So here's to yoga and its amazing ability to make me feel like I've accomplished something even though I have barely started my day.

Wierd Dream Week

For some reason my dreams have been much more vivid (and strange) this week, so here's another one for the vault:

I was lying in bed, which I tend to do after J leaves for work, because both of us would wake up a little later when he was in school, and damn if I'm going to break that habit just because his commute changed.

His iPhone rang, and I wasn't sure if it was an alarm or a text message, so I picked it up, and it started freaking out on me and suddenly I was in his google reader. I saw that there was porn in his reader (do porn sites have rss feeds?), and not just a little bit of porn. We're talking massive amounts of porn. I just kept scrolling down because I couldn't help myself. And I kept seeing more and more porn.

This one I knew was a dream, but let's face it - a little too close to reality for comfort, brain (I was in my bed, with my own covers, sheets, bedroom - every detail exactly as it would be in life). I'm a realist, and I know porn exists. I even know my boyfriend looks at porn, although I have no idea when or how often (and I like it that way. Even though technically I don't disapprove of looking at porn, it's not something you want to walk in on your S.O. doing). But on his iPhone?! That's the part that was gross.

Did You See My Pajamas? That's Because I LIVE HERE.

One of the perils of city living is that I occasionally frequently have to kick people off of our stoop. Usually it's some drunk or drugged up homeless person who is yelling at passersby or has passed out on our stoop so suddenly that they bang the doorway on their way down. Part of me has intense yuppie guilt about asking them to move it, then telling them to move it, then telling them that I'm phoning the police. The majority of my other parts have a short fuse, though, and would like to be able to step onto our threshold without also having to step on a vagrant person, so I end up calling the police about 70% of the time (I call often enough that I am heeded from time to time by the regulars). Occasionally, though, it's not a homeless person. Sometimes it's people in business suits. Or small families with noisy children. And for some stupid reason, it takes me longer to deal with them than it takes me to deal with the homeless people.

Tonight, as I was sitting at my desk trying to think of a good blog entry, I was debating whether or not to ask a woman who was having a cell phone conversation on our stoop to move it along.

Tonight, I finally reasoned that I kick bums off my stoop without a second thought, so why not someone who is clearly on the phone with work or their family, who might be on their way to a nice dinner, or a warm home? They have equally no right to loiter on the property I rent and bother me. Maybe there are quiet persons chilling out there more often than I know, and to them I say chill away - I only use my door a handful of times during the day, anyway, so rock on, because you're not bothering me at all.

This woman, however, was bothering me. So why was I sitting at my desk trying to enjoy a glass of wine instead of kicking her off my stoop so I could actually enjoy it? She was breaking both of the rules I use to determine whether to call the freakin' cops about the homeless people (being noisy and being relentless about being noisy), so why on earth wasn't I telling her to leave?

And now I segue to honestly ask: what the hell is wrong with people? I don't go and stand on her front porch and have loud, chatty conversations. There is nothing really so different about an urban stoop. I don't know how to describe why it's not okay to people not in this situation, except to tell you that it's private property (and that there are noise ordinances). I get that for some inane reason it probably seems okay to you, to stand "innocently" on my stoop and talk loudly (I'm sorry, at your natural volume? Really?), I really do. However, as a first floor urban apartment dweller I am here to tell you, world - it is not okay. It is not okay for you to be on someone else's stoop doing anything. Ever. Especially if you're doing it loudly!

In the end, I didn't even kick her off my stoop because she was that annoying - I did it because of the principle of the matter. These poor homeless people have nowhere to go, but they drive me bonkers, so I ask the police to help me deal with them. This woman was wearing her "I'm an entitled cunt" business suit and having a chatty cell phone conversation on my front porch even though the weather outside is beautiful (i.e. no rain or snow she was taking shelter from). Let's take a moment to reflect on that. Poor homeless person. Noisy entitled asshole.

The only question I still have for myself is why did it take me so long to open my door and stare at her with a deadpan face, holding a glass of wine in my pajamas, until she got the hint?

The Naked Dream

I had that dream last night, the one where you're naked in impossibly uncomfortable situations.

I was shopping at a Payless with my mother, sister and grandmother, and for some reason didn't have clothing on most of the time (at one point, I put my ipod into my pocket, so why I couldn't keep that skirt on the entire time is beyond me). I was actually fine with it (I've been working out, lately), until I noticed someone from my former job was there, also. As it sunk in, and I started panicking and feeling very self conscious, I noticed large pockets of people from my former job milling around, for some reason taking a tour of the building (why a typical modern Payless in El Paso would be architecturally significant to a firm in Boston is beyond me).

I jumped behind a clothing rack, fully expecting to be able to throw a dress over myself and have them ring it up as I walked out, but in between me and the women's clothing section was a group of people my age being dominated by someone I particularly dislike, and she was coming my way, talking loudly about herself, as usual. I pretended to be casually browsing the toddler's clothing in my birthday suit while she kept creeping up around the corner, and I was willing myself to become invisible or sink into the floor, somehow.

Fortunately, this is when my alarm clock rescued me.

Maybe on a related note, I start my first class at MassArt tonight.

Global Warming

I thought this video presented something Really Important in a way that is both visually stunning and easy to swallow. I made a mental note to add even more energy saving measures to our list after this.




I just hope the message gets through to more people, and that instead of dismissing it as a myth, or crazy liberal bunk, they get on board with simple, everyday changes that can make a difference to the future of our planet.

It's really not that hard, and it doesn't even have to be more expensive, to stop supporting companies that don't do anything to change the current situation. Believe me, there's a lot more that J and I could do, but just think of what we as a city, a country, a planet, could do if every household simply reduced their waste, and stopped to think about their environmental impact every time they purchased something, or drove somewhere, or shopped for things. It would just be a start, but what a great start it would be.

P.S. The song, Treeology by Shady Bard (myspace), was also featured in an episode of Grey's Anatomy this season (as well as two other songs in other episodes), which is why it might sound familiar.

Sore Throat

I have had a persistent sore throat for exactly two weeks, now. I can barely remember a time when I didn't have a sore throat. I had my throat swabbed, and an initial swab test didn't indicate strep, but the lab results haven't come back, yet.

This is seriously hampering my ability to a) be a nice person and b) get shit done.

It may or may not have been swine flu. That's definitely what I told everyone at Josh and Chana's wedding I had. Heh.

For now, MedlinePlus recommends the following:

drinking warm liquids like honey or lemon tea.
Gargling several times a day with warm salt water (1/2 tsp salt in 1 cup water)
Cold liquids and popsicles (yey, popsicles!)
Sucking on hard candies or lozenges
Using a cold mist humidifier
Over the counter pain medication (I use Ibuprofen)

I suppose this is all I can do for now...Hopefully settling back at home will help, since I've been traveling quite a bit these past two weeks.

Also, apologies if I gave anyone the swine flu (kidding).

(I'm not really sorry).

Dear Upstairs Neighbor

Why has your stomping gotten worse?! For all the complaining I do on the Internet, I am wholly certain you have no idea that this blog exists, much less that I'm your irritated downstairs neighbor, and therefore your elephantine stomping can't possibly be retaliatory.

The only explanation I can venture is that you went away on spring break (which was sweet heavenly silence, you should go out of town more often. Like, permanently), where you spent the week eating cheeseburgers and small children.

And now you're eating trails of Cheetos that have been laid across your apartment (J's contribution to the theory) for exercise, since you clearly weigh 350 lbs, but I have to say - you would benefit more from a stationary bike, and so would my sanity.

Signed,
Please Sweet Jesus do not renew your lease.

“Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol is working like a charm!”

I found this article today concerning the overwhelming number of pedestrian deaths in LA: http://www.citywatchla.com/content/view/2148/

I wish I could say I thought there was a solution, but as long as people rely so heavily on their cars to transport them from place to place, this is going to be a problem. I can't count the number of times on my hands that I have nearly been hit by cars while I'm in the middle of a crosswalk, and once I nearly struck a kid while I was in my car because he darted into the street unexpectedly - in a crosswalk. For that reason alone, I can't blame the drivers any more than the authorities can, but at least I wasn't eating a sandwich when I nearly hit the kid

Long story...somewhat shorter: Some woman once came so close to hitting me that she actually tapped my leg with her bumper while I was coming home from the supermarket, just a block away from my house - in the home stretch if you will. It wasn't until long after she'd sped away, screaming at me to go fuck myself that I realized how close I had come to being sprawled out in the intersection, a bloody mess, with the eggs I'd so carefully packed smashed all over the pavement. The woman who blamed me for being in the street while I had the walk signal? She had been eating a fucking sandwich when she shit her pants realizing there was someone in the crosswalk. I didn't even have an opportunity to respond, I just stood on the street corner, jaw slack, eyes wide, while it sunk in what had just happened. For all the care I had taken to look both ways twice, she probably wouldn't have been held accountable, anyway - it was a sandwich, but it could have just as easily been a cell phone or a noisy child in the backseat, or she could have been rummaging for a CD. It still would have been my fault for being in the street; just as much consolation to a dead pedestrian than an injured one. If that's not a WTF realization, I don't know what is.

Let's please keep in perspective that this is in Cambridge, of all places - one of America's most walkable cities, not that traffic cesspit we call Los Angeles. To make matters worse, they seem to have been channeling Homer Simpson to come up with a solution. FTA:

Meanwhile, traffic engineers argue for the removal of crosswalks in Los Angeles, pointing to a study performed several decades ago in San Diego that indicates that less traffic fatalities occur without a crosswalk than with a crosswalk.

“By your logic, I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.”
“Hmm; how does it work?”
“It doesn’t work; it’s just a stupid rock!”
“Uh-huh.”
“... but I don’t see any tigers around, do you?”
“Lisa, I want to buy your rock...”

Bishop Allen Tickets Procured Today

Number 24 off the list!

STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP

You know, I thought it had been a little too quiet the past week. A little too calm, a bit too relaxing...our upstairs neighbors were definitely on spring break.

And now they're back.

Goody.

Black Bear lyrics - Black Bear

Black Bear on MySpace

I couldn't find the [correct] lyrics to this song anywhere online, so I decided to post them here. This album is pretty amazing, circa 2006, and the only reason I'm posting this now is because I'm making a B hearts J playlist and this song, black bear, reminds me strongly of him. I had to transpose them, anyway, because I have OCD when it comes to song lyrics, so here they are for the Interweb:

In the woods in the mountains
Is a good place to begin
A song about a black bear
Living in his black bear den
Doing all the black bear things
A black bear just might do
I hope in my next lifetime
I can be a black bear, too

And here comes black bear now
Crashing through the brush
Unfazed by thorns of branches
That would hurt me to the touch
In pursuit of some small animal
The food chain is a truth
And the bear has the advantage
Of the massive claw and tooth
But he'll also stop for berries
Or honey from the bees
Or nuts that he can shake down
From the canopy of trees
And afterwards he'll have his choice
From any stream to drink
While I fill up another cup from my old kitchen sink
And if he wants he'll have a nap
And dream his black bear dreams
That I could only dream of
Like I dream to drink from streams
And as he sleeps he hears the breeze
and knows that he is safe
While I'm sleeping with the fan on
To drown out my lack of faith
The simplicity of solitude is a hard thing to perfect
Stealing happiness from loneliness is not a simple theft
But the black bear has it figured out
And gets what he deserves
And the fur that he is wearing is the fur that he prefers

And when he stared across the river
Into my eyes
It made me shiver
And I knew that it was lovely
To have a black bear thinking of me
And when he thinks he is thoughtful
And when he rests he is restful
And when he runs he runs the fastest
And spins the earth right on its axis

And that's his gift to all
Showing us the sun
Keeping time for everyone
A steady beating drum
And in all the dirt he bounds upon
He'd leave his heavy track
That is deep when he is young and blue
But deepest when he's black
Because color for the black bear
Is a synonym for age
If I were one then I'd be in my cinnamon phase
Instead I am of 22 and the decades weigh a ton
This new century's essentially a bullet from the gun
It takes coffee, pot, they cost a lot, just to stay abreast
But the coffee hits my sense of loss and makes a nervous wreck
The simplicity of solitude is a hard thing to perfect
Stealing happiness from loneliness is not a simple theft
But the black bear has it figured out
And gets what he deserves
And the fur that he is wearing is the fur that he prefers

And when he stared across the river
Into my eyes
It made me shiver
And I knew that it was lovely
To have a black bear thinking of me
And when he thinks he is thoughtful
And when he rests he is restful
And when he runs he runs the fastest
And spins the earth right on its axis

You can hear it on his myspace page, along with a few other pretty amazing songs. He says this album was deeply personal, and that shines through in the brilliance of his lyrics and the folksy rhythm of his guitar.

Yeah, this song is totally J personified.

Spring Cure 2009

I'm participating in Apartment Therapy's Spring Cure for a second, hopefully more successful time.

Our apartment has been lived in for over eight months, and some things have just now started to come together, like our kitchen and my workspace, and if we're going to be here another year, I don't mind pouring more of myself into this place to make it feel like home, even if I'm not in the position to pour more money into it at the time.

The living room probably needs the least amount of work. It's where we keep our bikes, the couch and the TV, and our record player. J's workstation takes up one of the front window bays, and because our front door opens into the center of the living room, there isn't a lot to do in terms of rearranging. I think the coffee table could use a makeover, and if we ever found a new console that didn't break the bank, but still fit in the small space we have leftover, I'd snap it up in a heartbeat.

Plans for the living room: coffee table makeover, hang the ikea pendant light over J's desk, sew throw pillows using orange Marimekko fabric. Block windows using contact paper; take down blinds.

We moved my desk into the kitchen, which has been freeing and has relieved the aggravation of listening to the neighbors slam the door and do their laundry at the back of the house at all hours during the day. We hung a ledge over my desk where I'm displaying my camera collection, and I hung a rail above my computer to hold my colored pencils and inks. The second rail went above the stove, holding our measuring cups and a bag of onions, right now. I found an Orla Kiley stoneware canister, which now holds our coffee, and a gorgeous blue peppermill from Anthropologie, which could very well be the centerpiece of the whole kitchen, I'm that in love. The kitchen still needs a lot of work, though.

Plans for the kitchen: One more trip to IKEA to buy a spice rack for our grundtal rail, maybe buy a grundtal shelf, buy more hooks. Move asker pot to my desk, maybe use it for a potted plant. Hang "Now Panic and Freak Out" print somewhere near workspace or kitchen table. Finish block printing napkins, embroider rest. Sew curtains for kitchen window. Find new drawer pulls for desk.

That's all for now, I guess. The bedroom still needs a ton of work, and I could probably refinish that chest of drawers we pulled in from the street. I'm going to be pulling inspiration photos this week, and planning my attack. The goal is not to spend any money, with the exception of completing the grundtal solution and buying thread to sew my curtains and pillowcases.

You're on, Spring Cure 2009.

from postsecret.blogspot.com

I know I shouldn't even go here, because of all the topics that I least like to discuss, religion is in the top three, but comments like this really irk the hell out of me. So then your faith wasn't all that strong, post card person. You can't actually hate Bill Maher, because if you believed strongly enough, Bill Maher would just be another idiot in the masses whose faith was misguided and wrong. I think you hate yourself for being so weak. If you need other people to reinforce your beliefs? You're a sheep, which is probably appropriate given that you want to join the fold and all that. But I wish that, instead, this post card read "I hate myself for letting this guy confuse me about my faith when I was just starting to find it again." I'm pretty good at the self-loathing, post card person. I can teach you if you need a lesson or two on personal responsibility self blame.


Find religion, post card person, have faith. But stop blaming Bill Maher when it eludes you. It's not his fault you're confused.

I read post secret to feel connected with people, and that's what it did in it's inception, but these days I feel like it's just a bunch of people griping about asinine things, using bad grammar and being incapable of figuring out the difference between they're and their, and your and you're, while being homophobes.

Half Blood Prince Featurette

Something to tide us over until July 17th - which cannot come soon enough!

Crash Course in Cooking

So, I have been cooking more, lately - in fact we haven't spent any money on food since last Saturday when we went grocery shopping, and even after I used most of our food, I managed to squeeze some veggies and bulk potatoes into a soup!

It's overwhelming to throw down $100+ at the supermarket. It feels like quite a bit of money, and it kind of makes me want to cry sometimes, but we do everything we can to keep the costs low, and while we do treat ourselves every now and again (we don't scrimp on olive oil, for instance, or certain spices), we use coupons, buy store brands, and take advantage of sales.

I made myself kind of sad with the photography. Food photography is tough to begin with, but our apartment has such shitty lighting, and I occasionally get a good shot,







But mostly, I get shaky shots, or shots of pork tenderloin looking undercooked.

And then nights like last night, when I had a stressful day and have been eating cheese since 10AM, we make a 1/3 cup of lentils, have some hummus and call it a night. No, it's not gourmet cooking, but it's better than our usual standby of Taco Bell or Aram's Pizza.

So documenting hasn't improved my cooking, but cooking has improved my cooking, if that makes any sense.

The only recipe to emerge from this month was the Rosemary Chicken (first picture of the three shown above). It's delicious, it's baked, and it's got sweet potatoes and leeks, so the vegetables are right in there with everything - a one stop cooking wonder. I just need to get the quantities right, because the recipe calls for a whole chicken, and I'm just not comfortable with that. Next step: mastering the Rosemary Chicken, and finding a new recipe.

Hope

The other day I was walking home and I saw some Obama propaganda papered onto a light post. It made my heart skip a beat, and I was happy that I lived in this country, again.

The feeling took me by surprise, especially since the afterglow of Obama's inauguration has passed. I'm proud of us, America.

Keys: Found!

J found my keys in the unlikeliest of places - the one purse I didn't check because I haven't used it since last February! I guess I put them in there when I considered using the purse on Sunday, but forgot to bring them with me when I decided to use a large tote bag, instead.

PHEW.

Today is a mess

It started this morning, on our way out the door, when I realized that I couldn't find my keys. J was the last person to open the front door, and it's possible I haven't had my keys since before Saturday, when we went to dinner. I called the only two places we have been since then, and nothing.

J lent me his keys for the day, and instead of making a copy, we just figured we'd find mine when I got home and had a chance to look under every cushion, in every coat pocket. So I went to the Target in Dorchester, because I wanted some Orla Kiley canisters which happen to be sold out at every Target near me. I had a gift card from my birthday, and I've been waiting for just the right purchase, and thought I had found it in Orla's Target line.

All the way out in South Boston I find what I'm looking for, barely, because all of the canisters are busted, and besides, I left my gift card at home. I finally decided to buy the smallest canister they're selling, the only one that's not busted, which isn't going to be as useful as the bigger ones, but I figured it's pretty and today sucks, so I'm going to reward myself by spending money I don't really have on things I don't really need.

On the shuttle back to the T station, some random Dorchester dude screamed into his cell phone repeatedly. He must have called the same woman, Colleen, seven times over the course of our fifteen minute shuttle ride, to leave angry messages, or tell her that he couldn't hear her, but he'd call her back (fifteen seconds later), earning himself dozens of dirty looks from the passengers which did nothing to embarrass him or, more importantly, shut up his face. The best part was when he muttered something about "fucking people," to himself, and then apologized to me for his "language."

I finally got home, feeling completely on edge, wishing I had been able to make a Dr's appointment before March (I called in early January), because I've run out of Ativan. I tore the apartment to shreds looking for my keys, and still, nothing.

I already felt like I should crawl into bed and let today be done with, but I decided to spend time doing some data entry (my current paid gig). Nothing could get worse while I was innocently working at my computer, right?

I got an email from Urban Outfitters. Turns out that the two duvet covers I bought for $14, each, which I was going to turn into four curtain panels, have sold out, so they canceled an order I made early last week. I was so happy when I bought them because not only were they thicker fabric than the curtains with the same print, but each curtain panel costs $30! That was a savings of over $90! Not only did today suck, but now U.O. is going back in time, to my happy place, to screw with me!

I bought the last tapestry they had for $36, because fuck. I can only make two curtains out of it, if I'm lucky, so If they email me to tell me that I didn't get that "last one" in stock, I'm going to have to lick the Ativan dust out of my prescription bottle.

I am so done with today. Today can suck it.

Wait. What?

"When I was in high school, my desire was to be a sportscaster, until I learned that you'd have to move to Bristol, Connecticut. It was far away. So instead, I had a daughter and named her Bristol." -Sarah Palin

February's Book

This month, my book is 1491: New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus by Charles C. Mann. I'm barely 37 pages into this book, and I am loving it. The book addresses issues surrounding the Euro-centric view that is taken, even by many well-established anthropologists, of Native American culture prior to the arrival of Columbus (although Mann uses the non-p.c. term "Indian" to refer to any of the natives, he explains why in the book). Mostly, the book contradicts the belief that pre-Columbian Indians were "sparsely settled in a pristine wilderness; rather, there were huge numbers of Indians who actively molded and influenced the land around them." What drew me to this book, besides the fact that J recently bought it, is the idea that many Americans use pre-Columbian Indians as a model for eco-friendly life, even though our preconceptions about these people are way off. It chalenges many of the ideas we have today about global development, more importantly how to fix the problems we are having right now, and I have to say that it's a pretty fascinating topic.

I just finished reading Devil in the White City, the biographical tale of the World's Columbian Exposition in 1893, and how the fair created the perfect setting for serial killer H.H. Holmes. Devil in the White City is written with a kind of narrative that reads almost like fiction, and I thought I'd continue in that vein with 1491. Mann writes as an archeologist, a scholar, and just a regular guy who thinks the topic is pretty awesome, and the latter is how his writing comes off.

More on Customer Service

I have always believed that everyone should have a job in customer service at some point in their lives. I learned more working retail this holiday season, after leaving my office job, than I ever did at that office job. However, the best part is that while you may have to deal with irrational people in corporate life (I know I did. All the time), the irrational people stories in retail are usually more colorful, although there's a lot to be said about the temp at my old firm whose "contract wasn't renewed" about four months after he punched a wall because I guess that's how long the paperwork takes.
But anyway, now that I've already blurbed my (second) worst corporate story, I thought I'd share my worst retail experience.
Just before Christmas I was ringing up a woman's purchases - a vase and a particularly unwieldy bunch of fake flowering branches, which were too large for our standard bags, but who the woman had insisted be "wrapped up so [she] could get them home safely." She handed me her credit card, and after I swiped it, I turned to look for a solution while she signed the pad. I was in the middle of shimmying these things into one of our umbrella bags, when she reached over the counter and grabbed her card, telling me, "I'm going to take my card. I've been a customer here for years."
I smiled and nodded (who cares how long you've been a customer here?), then wrestled with the branches some more. After finally getting the things settled in their bag, I put the charge through to get her receipt, when she asked me if I was going to check her signature.
Stunned, I said, "Sure, can I see your card?"
She showed me her card, but kept a death grip on the thing instead of letting me have it. "Looks good to me. Here's your branches...and..."
"How could you possibly remember what my signature looked like?" She demanded.
I told her that, out of habit, I had glanced at her signature before I cleared the screen, and her A's were similar. She was clearly bat-shit crazy, but hadn't deliberately signed the two differently (although I wouldn't have put it past her).
I handed her things to her over the counter, but she wouldn't have any of it, and kept insisting that we discuss why I was so stupid—at no point did she even give me time to interject with niceties—and after a few minutes of listening to her berate me, I was done. I just wanted to get to the long line that was building behind her.
Finally, I interrupted her. "Okay," was all I said, then turned around to help another customer who had been patiently waiting for this lady's insanity to simmer down. Thinking that if the worst I could do to this woman was not say "Have a nice day," (since she wouldn't let me, anyway) I thought ignoring her might get rid of her, and it did. I proceeded to help a very nice man choose some cookware...
Until about thirty seconds later, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Crazy had come back to tell me that she didn't appreciate my attitude, and she did not like the way I'd left things with her. She wanted to know how on earth I decided to work in retail if I hated people so much. Then she asked to speak to a manager.
She asked my manager if they could speak privately while she looked at me with crazy eyes. Out of earshot, she told my manager that she would not, could not buy anything from someone with such a negative energy. She returned everything, but that's not the best part. She then made my manager RING HER UP AGAIN.
The store didn't lose any money, and this woman got to go home with some ugly fake branches no one sane would ever need. My manager and I had a "talk" about this situation—we talked about how bat-shit crazy that woman had to have been. So the moral, here?
Maybe there is no moral. One thing I know for sure - this woman has never worked in retail. She could also use some lessons in common courtesy ("Would you please check my signature so I can have my card back? I'd hate to forget it"), as well as a refresher on cause and effect (before the incident, I had been smiling happily, and chatting about how beautiful those stupid, ugly branches were going to look in her house). I hope that her cat (this woman had at least three cats, trust me) ate every last fake flower on those hideous branches and cost that woman thousands in vet bills, because I'll bet those ugly branches are not very good for cats' stomachs.

RSS Blips

If anyone reads this through an RSS feed, you might have seen some earlier posts post today - I decided to put them up because I no longer work at my old job, and I thought it was better to be honest, and post them now. I have less to lose; I didn't want to rock the boat at work, before.

I still have some uncomfortable moments thinking about privacy issues and the fact that this blog is highly searchable, but since these issues are personal and not actually work related, and I've been working through them, I figured it might be helpful for anyone who might come by who is struggling with the same things. I tried not to post about work when I was still there, but my job was so high stress that it was impossible to temper that all the time. Still, I'm proud that it took me this long to post those entries. Mostly I'm letting go - and that's an integral part of my story. So there it is.

Problems with CSS Fixed Width

This entry will probably be of no interest to most of the people who still read this blog, but for my own personal reasons I need to document my progress in resolving this issue - if only because every time I run into a problem coding a website, I remember that I had the same, or a similar problem last time I was coding a website. When I can't remember how I resolved certain problems, it kind of makes me want to put my face through things. More so when I figure it out again. So much for learning the hard way.

I'm doing the xhtml/css for a friend's website. He's a graphic designer, himself, so the design he proposed is clean, simple, and pretty streamlined. Simple enough. Or so I thought.

The most current problem I resolved was that my navbar was bullying my main window, taking up the remainder of the container instead of being the fixed width that it had been assigned, which pushed the main window down below the navbar.


You can see the problem above. This was all very confusing and it started happening when I brought iframes into the equation, although iframes had nothing to do with it (multitasking...sometimes it's not your friend). I knew that the css had to be buggy, but I couldn't figure out how. I did the basic scan of open brackets, missing semi-colons...all of it checked out:

#navbar {
position: relative;
display: inline;
margin: 0;
padding: 0;
width: 90px;
height: auto;
background: #ffffff;
}

After an hour of using firebug, gnashing my teeth, and not seeing anything helpful, I added this, practically on a whim:

#navbar {
float: left;
position: relative;
display: inline;
margin: 0;
padding: 0;
width: 90px;
height: auto;
background: #ffffff;
}

It worked! I remember facing this problem with the index page of my own website, and as you can imagine, it's really frustrating to have spent an hour banging my head against the wall before that simple no-brainer solution finally started to come into focus. Especially on a project with a fixed budget.

Now. Onto iframes.

(design by tim gentle)

25 things to do before I turn 26

1. Reshape and rebuild my website so that it's something I want to share with everyone I meet
2. Take up yoga, again!
3. Use a letterpress
4. Blockprint
5. Lose ten pounds
6. Ride my bike more places that we would normally take the car
7. Cook at least five times a week
8. Create a new budget, reflecting my new life changes and future goals
9. Read at least one book a month
10. Ride our bikes in Rhode Island, or Maine, or up the coast. Something scenic, and long
11. Have one screen-free night a week
12. Master at least four new recipes
13. Sew a dress
14. Put some entries in my etsy shop!
15. Dress up for Halloween, make our costumes
16. Finish Dan and Lydia's wedding present (afghan)
17. Make my Christmas presents this year
18. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge (I've ridden across on my bike before, but didn't have time to take pictures, or absorb)
19. Make 25 pieces of art
20. Take a dance class
21. Go sledding
22. Plant an herb garden
23. Find some photo booths and take pictures
24. See Bishop Allen live
25. Deep clean my home and make it a peaceful, inspiring and beautiful place to live

25 Things I did and didn't do

Last year I was inspired by hulagirl to make a list of things to do before my next birthday. I only managed a few of them, but it was helpful to make the list, and this year's list will be better! Live and learn, I guess.

Things I did do: Built my own website. Screen printed (although it was one t-shirt, one art piece, and many Christmas cards). Started a new list. Began the process of sewing as a means of keeping my clothing nicer longer. Took more photos, and paid closer attention to settings. Made my Christmas cards from scratch. Knit entrelac, although it was just a swatch. Rode my bike four times a week, at least - this slowly dragged as I lost my job and then it got cold, but I was more than successful for a few months. Rode in the New York Five Borough ride. Visited Napa Valley. I'm down to one remaining bulb that isn't a CFL. Got a library card - used it. Built a light box. Used it.

For the most part, things I did not do ended up being things I could live without. As I said, this will only improve the quality of this year's list.

Meal of the Day: Enchiladas

Enchiladas! I get so excited any time anyone mentions them. I love them so much that I buy frozen ones from Trader Joe's just because they're the most authentic thing out east. Sure, I'm half Mexican, learned the recipe from my naturalized grandmother who was born in Chihuahua, but I buy mine from Trader Joe's, because they're "more authentic." Wait. What?

Okay, so the thing about enchiladas: They're messy and they're time intensive. There's either oil involved, or just the flipping and the number of dishes it takes can be overwhelming, plus what do you serve with them? Where's the vegetable? The only thing I do differently than my grandma taught is that I buy my enchilada sauce from Old El Paso instead of making it in my blender from dried red chilies. Oh, and I also buy my tortillas instead of making them from scratch, but let me tell you: I bought some masa last time I was at the supermarket, so watch out supermarket tortillas.

Enchiladas are a highly attention oriented meal, where you're doing all the work the whole time, and then it's time to eat, which is something that doesn't entirely appeal to me (there's something poetic about checking my email while dinner "simmers" or "boils"), but in the end they were delicious and well worth the effort.

The thing that tripped me up was the mexican rice. I haven't ever attempted to make rice that wasn't plain and straightforward rice+water in rice cooker, and I wasn't sure it would turn out fantastically. I added some stewed tomatoes and tomato boullion, and I browned the rice over oil with garlic and onions before throwing them in the rice cooker. Turns out it's hard to screw up rice when you use a rice cooker. Maybe will repeat on Taco night?

Meal of the Day: Beef & Veggie Stir Fry

Today I made a beef and veggie stir fry that was adapted from a Stir Fry cookbook I bought off of half.com years ago. The beef was nice and tender because I marinated it overnight, but for some reason this recipe had much less flavor than it has had the past few times I've made it. I've made this before, but it's taken us a while to find a combination of veggies that works for both of us (hint: only one of those vegetable is actually called for in the book), and last night's rendition was good, but hopefully it's better next time. The first time I made this, I think we both ate in awe and silence for a few minutes, it was that. good.

marinade:
1/2 cup dry red wine (I use cooking wine, but sometimes open a nice bottle of cab or chianti if we're going to have it with dinner)
2 Tbsp soy sauce
1 or 2 cloves of minced garlic

1LB of sirloin, beef tips, or whatever kind of beef you feel like cutting into stir fry appropriate pieces
1/2 cup green onions
1 cup broccoli
1 can of sliced water chestnuts (sometimes I throw these in recipes that don't even call for them! YUM)
1/4 cup of celery (the recipe calls for a ton more, but celery? yuck, after a certain point. that point being 1/4 of a cup)
*a few radishes, sliced thin (which I skipped this time around)
2 Tbsp hoisin sauce

After the meat is marniated for at least 30 minutes, you put it in a wok with some vegetable oil until it's cooked through. Take it out of the wok, then mix all of the veggies (I start with the tougher ones for a minute before I add the softer ones) with the hoisin sauce and cook those for a few minutes. Add the meat back in, and let it all cook together for a few more minutes.

I serve this with Jasmine rice, and there's always enough for lunch the next day.

Baked Chicken

J and I have developed this really bad habit in the last seven months when we go to the grocery store. Sometimes I have a pretty detailed menu in hand, complete with a shopping list, but most of the time I have a menu in the broadest sense of the word, and we kind of piece it together as we shop. We know how unproductive this is, but we have persisted in doing it this way, anyway. Even when we have the detailed list, we either are derailed (damn you Trader Joe's and your delicious organic products), or we become super lazy as the week progresses, and end up eating out, leaving things like the vegetables or all of the bread to rot (damn you Trader Joe's and your highly perishable organic products), which is disappointing and not exactly encouraging, then it leads to less grocery buying, and thus more eating out. By the end of 2008, we were eating out quite a bit, and our fridge didn't smell very nice. There kept being "too much to do," though, and it just felt too overwhelming to fix it at the moment.

Jointly, we have decided to ditch this habit in 2009. Partly because I am so dead broke right now that I cannot afford to eat out more than once a week (we do breakfast with friends on Sundays, and even in this economy that's a non-negotiable for me), and partly because of my resolution to be more careful with what we bring into the house. Cooking for ourselves is a good way to ensure that even if we're not being 100% organic or green and healthy, at least we know what's going into our meals, and the waste that is associated. I said jointly and then I listed my reasons...but don't worry, J is jazzed, too.

So for the month of January, hopefully until this becomes habit, I will be documenting what we eat, if we stray from our goal, and maybe some notes on how delicious and easy a meal is, or how I will never put it near my mouth again.

Tonight we used some chicken that had been sitting in our freezer for a while, some couscous that had been sitting in our pantry for a long time, and some fresh green beans. We've been out of town for a while, so even though we took a trip to the supermarket today, our goal this week is to rid ourselves of the last of the 2008 perishables. We paired the meal with some of the Yuengling that we brought back from PA. We have a lot of Yuengling.

This meal was simple enough, very tasty, and I'd say it was fairly healthy, too (although portion sizes...? I didn't bother to check). We almost always buy organic chicken breasts - I don't like dark meat, and the Perdue thin sliced breasts cook up pretty easily - those were what I* cooked today. I basted about 1 lb of chicken breasts using a little less than one Tbsp. of butter, and then covered them with Progresso breading mix. I baked them at 400° for 12 minutes, covered, then flipped them over and baked for 8 minutes, uncovered (does it matter that I uncovered them? Probably not. I basically forgot to put the aluminum foil back on...).

I sauteéd the green beans, with a little bit of olive oil and some minced garlic, for about 6 minutes, although I think they could have used another minute or two - I kept reading warnings about how nasty overcooked green beans are, and don't do it, and I got nervous. I also got to use the new paring knife J's mom got us for Christmas, which was exciting.

The couscous came in a box.

My other secret desire is to take better food pictures. Today's was kind of a quickie (I forgot until just as J and I sat down to eat), but I'm going to try to be better about it in the future, at least for new recipes.



*While J is actively involved in the decision as to what we eat, I tend to do most of the cooking. This is because I abhor cleaning up. This doesn't mean my boyfriend doesn't cook, or can't cook. This also doesn't mean that he doesn't help. He chops, mixes, and grabs the wok from our tall shelf for me, sometimes. But mostly he does the dishes, which is why he is possibly my favorite person in the world.

Wrapping up 2008

Wrapping up 2007

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Underwent surgery (somewhere between minor and major surgery), worked a retail job, did not spend Christmas with my family, screen printed, moved in with my boyfriend.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
From last year:

This year I just want to be happy. Happy and dehydrated.

I was definitely more happy this year. But I drank more water. Although I spent more time dehydrated than hydrated, so I'll call it a win.

This year, I want to build on my professional goals on a daily basis, probably in the form of a journal, but definitely in a measurable way. I want to find a job - not a crappy retail job (that I love, but Jesus is it hard), but a real, honest to goodness job. I want to be closer to my existing friends. I want to be more selective about the things I bring into the house, whether it's things I buy that I don't need, like clothes or shoes I will wear once, or things that we buy that may make our lives easier, but hurt the environment in the process. I also want to learn how to sew.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
None this year, although we went to San Francisco, Michigan, and Pennsylvania, plus we hit up Brooklyn and Manhattan a few times.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Last year I said that I wanted a pair of sensible shoes. What with that job in retail, this became a necessity. The problem? One pair of sensible shoes will not go with every single one of my outfits. GAH. So maybe two pairs of sensible shoes?

I also would like to have a polished, finished, working website/portfolio.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
March 25th. Kind of. That was the date I had my surgery. Obviously I don't remember most of it, but the surrounding anticipation, relief, and pain will always be with me, beside the elation of having the surgery behind me.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Leaving a job that I truly hated, which had started eating away at my happiness like a cancer.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Getting fired from that same shitty job. I should never have let it reach the depths that it reached, in terms of my performance, my depression, and my anger at everyone around me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just more of the same.

Actually, the day I went to pick up the last of my things at the old office, the wheel of my folding shopping cart got stuck in the street outside the subway. It stopped dead in its tracks, but I kept moving, banging my leg (and getting the nastiest bruise I've ever had in the process), and falling ass over teakettle over the top of the cart, spilling my books, papers, everything. Serious insult to injury. Screw you, old job. It took six whole weeks for that bruise to finally go away!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my iMAC!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
J's, whose support and devotion have never wavered.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A few people at my old job. I know what part of it was my responsibility. The rest of it: Shame on you, you-probably-don't-know-who-you-are, because you're pure evil, and that kind of thing doesn't translate or compute in your brain, does it?

14. Where did most of your money go?
the iMac, rent, San Francisco, being unemployed, investments in tools to (hopefully) help my future career (iMac included, I guess).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was uber excited to move in with J this year. It was probably the best decision I made in 2008. I also got really excited about spending Christmas in PA with J and his family.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Time to Pretend by MGMT. Or After Hours by We Are Scientists.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
Happier, definitely. It keeps increasing noticeably year by year. Yes, the anti-depressants help, and so has the therapist, and losing the shitty job. All contributing factors in my overall level of contentment. But I'm finding things are just...easier.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I had ridden my bike more frequently. I wish that I had been more pro-active about learning design skills that would have helped me outside of architecture. I wish that I had cooked more often.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I could always use less time watching TV on the couch. Which is a good thing, since we're canceling cable.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With J's family in PA.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
In Pasadena for THE ROSEBOWL!!!

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fall more in love with him every day.

23. How many one-night stands?
Fail.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
How I Met Your Mother, Battlestar Galactica, The Office, Futurama, Gossip Girl, It's Me or the Dog - also a resurgence of Gilmore Girls and What I Like About You once I lost my job.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope. I still hate her, btw, it's just less on the surface, now.

26. What was the best book you read?
I re-read the Time Traveler's Wife, and it was as good this time as it was the first time.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Spinto Band, even though I ironically haven't listened to much of their new album, and all of the stuff I like was from 2005.

28. What did you want that you also ended up getting?
A sewing machine, knives and a hand mixer for our kitchen, my life back. My jaw surgery.

29. What did you want that you did not end up getting?
A humidifier - but I'm going to rectify that with my Christmas cash money.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Well, this is obvious since we just watched it, but I think 3:10 to Yuma gets that honor, despite its coming out last year. (If we had not watched it on Christmas day for the first time, I would have said Dark Knight, because when we watched it in IMAX I think my heart stopped. Twice. But Christian Bale is Christian Bale, so whatever).

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 24 - we played pool and I only invited a few close friends, which is the best way to have a birthday.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A better relationship with my parents.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Many, many dresses, finally a haircut that fits my personality, awesome Prada glasses, and lots of cool necklaces.

34. What kept you sane?
Medication. And therapy. Again.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Christian Bale.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Women's rights, gay rights. The envir-o-ment.

37. Who did you miss?
I missed my family at Christmas, since it was the first year I didn't get to see them.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
One of my managers. I don't see her, ever, outside of work, but she's such a sweet person, and I aspire to be more like her one day. Or to understand why I'm not at all like her, but why people like me benefit the world, too, maybe. But mostly because I wish I were more like her.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
To stop rushing things and ride out the good feelings. Once you get there, there will be new feelings, some good, some bad - but stressing everyone out by pushing things tends to fuel more of the bad ones than the good ones. Oh, and STFU, already.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"Can’t help but feel attacked, what’s that supposed to mean
I know I won’t relax or act like it’s no big deal
This happens all the time; it’s kind of our routine
But we all recognize that I’m the problem here"
--WAS, Ghouls

Christmas Story

1. What’s your favorite holiday tradition.
Back at home, my favorite tradition was always sitting around the tree opening presents. It was sometimes really touching to see how thoughtful people could were be (hee. "could were."). Christmas cards are another tradition I love, although I probably don't ever get started on them early enough (I just mailed them out today! eek)
2. A favorite cookie recipe?
I love anything with coconut in the recipe - and sugar cookies are always a big hit, especially because of how flexible you can be with decorations. This year, J and I made white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. I should probably save some for him!
3. Share a story behind a special ornament on your tree.
Two years ago, I went out of town for work to Franklin & Marshall college just before the holidays. My co-worker and I were invited to the construction company's Christmas party, and our party gifts were blue and silver F&M holiday ornaments. I got a blue one, and it's a totally oddball ornament, because my ornaments are all hot pink. I love it all the more for that. I didn't get to travel much for work, so it was nice to have such a concrete reminder of what turned out to be a good trip.
4. All you want from Santa is….?
A job
5. What’s your favorite Christmas movie and why?
It’s a Wonderful Life - I used to watch it every year with my grandmother. I continue the tradition to this day, even though it's not the same without her. She was kind of in love with Jimmy Stewart (um, who isn't?).
6. Are you dong anything special for the holidays this year?
I'm going to join J in PA. I'm excited and nervous and really happy all at the same time.
7. What’s the best toy you ever got when you were a kid.
I'm pretty sure I got a bike one Christmas. I know I loved the bike, it was purple with white handlebars, and white tires - but I can't remember if it was a Christmas or birthday present. It was, however, a totally rad gift.
8. Why is Christmas special to you?
Aside from the stress of shopping, everyone seems so happy this time of year. Things are sparkly because of the lights, cold and crisp (hopefully with snow!), and there's so much hope for the upcoming year, anticipation of the presents and Christmas cards, and a lot of celebration that the year is coming to an end. It's so happy.

Guide to Good Customer Service

I've noticed that now that the holidays are nipping at our heels, people are coming into the store demanding better service. The problem is their inability to recognize that sometimes it's their own actions that are hampering their means to getting service with a smile. You want to see a smile on my face? Hows about you try not being an asshole, for a start. Here are some tips on how to make it until Christmas when you've got so much shopping left to do, and so many more assish store clerks to deal with:

The person on the other side of the counter is human, too. They've probably got a to-do list that's a mile long, just like you - it is the holiday season after all, which is why you're in the store all stressed out, looking for deals. However, instead of sitting in an office pretending to look busy while they shop or buy plane tickets on the Internet, the person helping you has to stand on their feet for 8 hours of the day, sans internet, often dealing with high-maintenance customers. Sure, they chose a job in retail, but do you think anyone joins a retail team because it's their dream job? Does that mean they deserve to be treated like crap, or that they're obviously unintelligent?

Next time, just try being nice. You don't have to put yourself in their shoes or anything, just maybe don't be a dick. Don't look at them like they have two heads when they ask for your phone number, zip code, whatever. It's not like they're going to get off their shift and ask you to go out for drinks - the computer won't let them through the system unless they ask. They don't give a crap that you don't want any more phone calls, that you're already in the system, or that you get too many catalogs. All you have to say is, "no thanks," and if you say it with a smile, you may get a high five or something, is all I'm saying.

Calm down. Sometimes the situation is exacerbated because your hysteria is fueling my hysteria. This goes back to the thing about my being human, too. I have emotions, and sometimes I can't control them, either. In my case, I have a super awesome manager who happens to be nice all of the time, but I also have a[n equally awesome] manager who mutters things about customers as they walk away. Like I said, just because we're in retail doesn't mean we're there to make your retail experience sunshine and puppies 100% of the time. And if you simply treat us like someone you might see again (and if you intend on going into a shop more than once, you probably will), maybe you'll be able to respect yourself when you walk out of the store. If you want to take a gander as to whose faces I'm more likely to remember, I'll give you two guesses, and I'll even give you a hint: it's not the people who are really nice to me, as much as I wish it were.

Yes, you do usually get what you want - after a while - and even then, only when we are actually physically able to do it, but at what cost? Maybe you're okay with people groaning when you walk into a store. I know I'm not, but then again maybe that's why you're an asshole to store clerks when I try really hard not to be.

It's not always about you. We didn't deliberately run out of a product because we knew you were coming into the store. Have to wait in line? So do the twelve people ahead of you. Maybe you feel it's deeply personal because you've only got seven shopping days until Christmas, but so does the rest of the community. Happy retailers are more likely to help you as much as they can - except, sometimes, when they encountered a severely pissy customer eight seconds before they were with you (and for those cases, I am truly, truly sorry). Sometimes we're brusque, or rushed, but it's not because you're annoying us at all - sometimes it's simply because someone just spent five minutes of her life screaming at us and berating us because she had fifteen minutes on her meter, and we can't give her the quarters she so desperately needs, because she's not currently in the middle of a cash transaction - she's in the middle of the store yelling at someone.

I'm not saying that being brusque or rushed is acceptable behavior on behalf of the clerk - the message is more along the lines of "don't potentially ruin it for everyone else by being a jerk."

Helpful suggestions...aren't always helpful. You think one of us should be bagging constantly while the other person rings you up? We should have a drawer with "just quarters" that the staff can access without a manager? We really should have a public restroom? Thanks. I mean, really. You're so much more clever than me (I'm a lowly store clerk. With a degree from MIT) and no one has ever said that to me before.

Grousing causes my eye to twitch, and I know my voice sounds flatter, and my smile is less sparkly with you grousers - even when I'm honestly trying to get through the day being nice to everyone, and manage to succeed, you've sucked a piece of my soul. I'm absolutely not saying you shouldn't voice your opinion, especially when it's a valid and thoughtful concern, I'm just saying that your complaint is one in a million of the same complaint - and eventually, yes, it can wear on a person. Congrats, you're the thousandth grousing customer. You get a cold, flat stare!

Complaining is futile, unless you honestly want to fill out a form, send an email, or call our corporate office. And sometimes your ideas are brilliant, and really could help the store - but is the store clerk, or even the manager, the person who can make that change? Never immediately, and usually no.

Also, one more quick thing, because it's come up far too often in the past three days: debit cards are debit cards - the computer, not the clerk, will read the card as a debit card, because it is a debit card and no force in the universe will change that - especially if DEBIT is written on your card in big black letters. However, if you want to use it as a "credit card," please ask - it's always an option if the debit card has a logo on it (mastercard or visa, for instance). And if you don't know the difference, you should feel embarrassed when you snap and gnarl at the clerk that "it's a credit card," because it's not, but I can press a tiny little button so that you can sign instead of entering your PIN¹ - it takes all of half a second, and it doesn't require rudeness to work. And there you were being a jerk because you think I'm an idiot for not reading your mind. And, really, who looks more stupid in this situation now that you know what you wouldn't allow me to explain to you at the register?

¹"When clerks ask this question, they are really asking you to pick one of two ways they can process your debit – a PIN (personal identification number) based transaction or as a signature-based transaction. One costs the merchant a little more and one takes a little longer to hit your checking account, but fundamentally a debit transaction is a debit transaction." -Debit or Credit? Here's The Answer
And on that note, this writer personally always uses the "credit" option when forking over her debit card. Here's why.

RIP Phinneas

Well, our fish is dead.

He got dropsy, and by the time he started showing symptoms (he'd stopped eating a week before that), the Internet diagnosed him as doomed. So we had this fish swimming around doing a pretty good impression of a pine cone, and now he's dead. There was nothing we could do, and unlike some of the other fish illnesses he could have contracted, dropsy is the one for which there is no one known cause, and for which there is no [relatively expensive for a $3 fish] cure.

Anyway, I never thought I'd miss a fish so much. We're going to finally get that shrimp, but in the meantime I think we're going to fill the tank with anonymous no name fish (to prep the tank for our shrimpy). No more getting attached. I'll be ready for another betta sometime, but not now.

How ridiculous am I? Yeah, I know - maybe it's time for a puppy.

It's because you are

I'm sorry, I don't understand. How exactly are you "wonderful" and "tolerant," if you can't tolerate homosexuality...I don't consider myself a tolerant person, but I do consider myself liberal, and I do think that anti-homosexual people are fucking ridiculous not-wonderful assholes...

...Oh wait, did I say that out loud? Was I supposed to be "tolerant" because I'm liberal? Did I just prove your asinine point?

Or about grammar.

Budgeting for Dummies Series: Thrive.com

The last piece of my budgeting puzzle was justthrive.com. Thrive tracks your spending, savings, and gives you a score (out of 10) based on how much money you are stashing away and how much you are spending based on your income level.

After you've been in their system for a short time, thrive will have advice for you whenever you log in. Whether it's "you're meeting all of your spending goals, keep at it!" or "You're overspending. Slow down!" thrive is like your honest best friend who keeps track of all of your money.

Thrive was how I found my high yield savings account, and occasionally they suggest I move my money around so that I can accumulate more interest. When I decided to get a new credit card, I used thrive in conjunction with mint.com to shop around and find the best interest rate and rewards program.¹

I highly recommend thrive.com, although it's system seems to update more slowly than either of the other websites I use for budgeting. I wouldn't use it alone, but your mileage may vary. It's very handy and very helpful in a refreshingly honest way (I was nearly offended once when the website told me to stop spending money, but then I realized that this was exactly why I needed budgeting software).

¹I only applied for a new credit card because my old credit card's APR was alarmingly high, even after I called and asked to have it lowered. I have an impeccable credit rating, though, so this is definitely something I do not in any way endorse, because it's not my place to recommend getting a new credit card to anyone I don't know. Any time you apply for new lines of credit, your score can drop, and it's up to you to determine whether a new line of credit is a good thing. While "freecreditreport.com" gets a lot of airplay, I've found that Credit Karma is a much better way to keep tabs on this information - and it's actually free. For more credit advice, there is plenty of information on the web, but you can start here for some tips.

Thrive has recently added a feature that predicts your credit score based on the information they have, but personally I've found that it highly underestimates my score for whatever reason.

Budgeting for Dummies Series: Mint.com

I have been using mint.com for nearly as long as I've been using Quicken online, since I joined mint about two weeks after I joined Quicken. Mint.com also has some pretty snazzy pie charts, and they have a very similar setup with the categorizing of transactions and budgets, although for me, the budgets on mint.com were more intuitive and easy to set up than the ones on Quicken.

The overview page allows you to set budgets by different categories and the bars will fill with color as you approach each limit, turning from green to yellow if you get too close, up until you hit the limit. It turns red if you go over your limit, and a little red number will pop up next to your budget, letting you know by exactly how much you went over.

Your accounts are listed in the left hand panel, and you can see transactions from each of them individually, or you can see all of them at once. The transactions tab allows you to categorize your expenditures and income, and all of this is very much like what I described in Quicken. Like Quicken, mint is also mostly intuitive, but some of the categories will need correcting at first. The only problem I've run into has to do with duplicate entries. I neglected to mention this last time, because Quicken is better about this than mint, but both systems have given me trouble with duplicates before. I assume this is because when I pay my credit card bills, it is seen as a debit from my savings account, but since my credit cards are also in the system, the actual purchase is also seen as a debit. Then the credit is only counted once, so I've had to hide some of my debits before - and I would recommend watching out for that, but it's pretty simple to catch.

The trends tab is where the fantastic pie chart lives. You can also analyze your expenses of each category by month in the bar chart at the bottom, and then compare your expenses to the averages in other cities in the U.S. If you click on a color of the pie chart, it will break it down further, and it lists the places you've spent money next to the pie chart, by frequency of your visits to each place. The sliding bar at the bottom lets you change the time frame from which the pie chart gathers its data, so you can see a few months at a time if you'd like.

But as I mentioned in my write-up about Quicken, the difference with mint.com is the next tab, where you can chart your retirement accounts. This can be a dangerous thing, maybe, especially in light of the recent economy...but on the other hand, it has been a blessing because of my recent employment status. I need to roll my former 401(K) into a traditional IRA, and mint.com has a lot of suggestions for doing just that.

The "Ways to Save" tab is the best part, so I've saved it for last. Since I started using mint.com, I have found a new credit card with better rewards (and 0%APR for a year, followed by the lowest APR I have ever seen after the year is up), and I have a new payment account that is accumulating a higher interest rate than my former one. Mint.com had all sorts of recommendations for me, and since I've moved on them, I've been happier with what my money is doing for me.