07 April 2009

Dear Upstairs Neighbor

Why has your stomping gotten worse?! For all the complaining I do on the Internet, I am wholly certain you have no idea that this blog exists, much less that I'm your irritated downstairs neighbor, and therefore your elephantine stomping can't possibly be retaliatory.

The only explanation I can venture is that you went away on spring break (which was sweet heavenly silence, you should go out of town more often. Like, permanently), where you spent the week eating cheeseburgers and small children.

And now you're eating trails of Cheetos that have been laid across your apartment (J's contribution to the theory) for exercise, since you clearly weigh 350 lbs, but I have to say - you would benefit more from a stationary bike, and so would my sanity.

Please Sweet Jesus do not renew your lease.

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