Wierd Dream Week

For some reason my dreams have been much more vivid (and strange) this week, so here's another one for the vault:

I was lying in bed, which I tend to do after J leaves for work, because both of us would wake up a little later when he was in school, and damn if I'm going to break that habit just because his commute changed.

His iPhone rang, and I wasn't sure if it was an alarm or a text message, so I picked it up, and it started freaking out on me and suddenly I was in his google reader. I saw that there was porn in his reader (do porn sites have rss feeds?), and not just a little bit of porn. We're talking massive amounts of porn. I just kept scrolling down because I couldn't help myself. And I kept seeing more and more porn.

This one I knew was a dream, but let's face it - a little too close to reality for comfort, brain (I was in my bed, with my own covers, sheets, bedroom - every detail exactly as it would be in life). I'm a realist, and I know porn exists. I even know my boyfriend looks at porn, although I have no idea when or how often (and I like it that way. Even though technically I don't disapprove of looking at porn, it's not something you want to walk in on your S.O. doing). But on his iPhone?! That's the part that was gross.

The Naked Dream

I had that dream last night, the one where you're naked in impossibly uncomfortable situations.

I was shopping at a Payless with my mother, sister and grandmother, and for some reason didn't have clothing on most of the time (at one point, I put my ipod into my pocket, so why I couldn't keep that skirt on the entire time is beyond me). I was actually fine with it (I've been working out, lately), until I noticed someone from my former job was there, also. As it sunk in, and I started panicking and feeling very self conscious, I noticed large pockets of people from my former job milling around, for some reason taking a tour of the building (why a typical modern Payless in El Paso would be architecturally significant to a firm in Boston is beyond me).

I jumped behind a clothing rack, fully expecting to be able to throw a dress over myself and have them ring it up as I walked out, but in between me and the women's clothing section was a group of people my age being dominated by someone I particularly dislike, and she was coming my way, talking loudly about herself, as usual. I pretended to be casually browsing the toddler's clothing in my birthday suit while she kept creeping up around the corner, and I was willing myself to become invisible or sink into the floor, somehow.

Fortunately, this is when my alarm clock rescued me.

Maybe on a related note, I start my first class at MassArt tonight.

It's Because My Job is Making me Crazy with Last Minute Deadlines

Last night I had a dream that J and I were getting married.

The whole thing was completely disorganized and had been slapped together at the last minute. I remember that I kept saying to myself, "SHIT, if only I had had more time! I would have thought of this!" (This being any number of things from the dinner to the location to the invitations, and if I remember correctly, we'd been engaged for a while...or were embarrassingly stupid enough to think we could plan a wedding in a day?) I think the worst part was the invitations, which ended up being printed the day of, and even though the wedding was happening that evening, we were still using a laser printer at home so that "at least people would have something to remember it by." (Who? Since no one was invited...I don't know who was coming...)

My dress was something hideous that was borrowed at the last minute, and the ceremony+reception were being held in the basement of an old used bookstore (any poetic notions about that were blasted when I saw the cast iron spiral staircase with slap-shod blue carpeting that led down to the basement, which was equally dingy, leaky, and poorly lit).

The whole thing was a nightmare, but through everything, I just wanted to get it over with because the important part was that J and I were together - I didn't care about the wedding.

I woke up and went to therapy. Not only did I not get what I needed out of my session, but instead of deciding that my suggestion of once every other week was fine, we figured that in reality, I probably should ramp it up to twice a week (as if. Hello - I need to have a life, too. I can't just spend my life being in therapy and working my shitty day job, then recovering from therapy and my shitty day job every day). I left feeling like I kind of wished that I could go no times a week, hating that my therapist knows things about me that even I don't want to know about me. Yes, that is the point, thanks. I left kind of wanting to smack some hypothetical someone in the teeth.

I'm unreasonably angry with myself about being myself, and I'm also kind of pissed that I have to be at work non-stop for the next two days. This is why Wednesday is going to be a beach day. Unless it rains, in which case it will be screen print some arts for my walls day. Either way, by then I hope to no longer be hating myself.

Luckiest Girl in the World

Last night I had the most wonderful dream.

I was at "work," and had run downstairs to go grab lunch. On my way out, I asked my boyfriend -- this beefy Irish guy that I worked with -- what he wanted for lunch. He was feeling sick, so he wanted a very specific soup. When I ran downstairs to grab it for him, I bumped into another co-worker, my best friend J. I had just grabbed a semi-viable substitution for the soup that they did not have, but J asked if I wanted to join him for lunch in the park, and I completely forgot about my sick boyfriend waiting upstairs.

We walked across the street and sat near some flowers under a tree. I was having such a good time, and he was so beautiful and sweet and funny. I had had the biggest crush on him for the longest time and it was so painful because I had this really sweet mild mannered boyfriend, but I was in love with J. He was so perfect and we were so wonderful together - I mean, we were best friends. I was torn up inside and I had no idea what I was going to do.

I woke up and looked around -- I was already dating J. He mumbled something in his sleep and scratched his nose. I settled back down into the covers, feeling warm and happy. I was already with my best friend. He was laying right there next to me.

2 Days, 2 Weird Dreams

I have had two weird dreams in the past two days; both dreams good in their own way.

I can't really share the one from two nights ago (yes it was dirty ;) but last night, I dreamed that I was going to the ballet with the orchestra. It was a weird combination of me now and me then, because I was clearly trying to get to the ballet from work, but everyone from high school was there. I was dressed up, but I hadn't been able to find a date -- or so I thought. When I got there, Patrick was also there, and we sat next to each other and just settled into being completely comfortable with each other, holding hands, putting our arms over each other's shoulders, and he kept kissing my temple.

We ended up getting cheated out of the ballet (the performance was about thirty seconds long, then they were showing old clips of old debutante dances on a TV mounted up in the corner. We decided it was completely lame, and left the room. It turns out, we were supposed to be in the high school (it just looked nothing like my high school), and so we went to search for Dusty's room so we could hang out somewhere. I was getting mixed signals from Patrick, and at some later point, when I went to the restroom, I came back to overhear him explaining to Sara how he was dating someone who was in Australia, and that he'd either have to break up with her before he went out there to visit her, or he'd probably stay with her because it cost so much to go out there and then not stay with the person.

I was kind of crushed, but also felt a competitive surge rise inside me, and I thought that if I could be completely charming that night, maybe he'd reconsider being with me again, but I kept saying really stupid things.

We talked about High-Q some, and a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while were there. Mike, Nicky and Daniel Bujanda were sitting in one corner, talking about how Mike took Patrick's place on the High-Q team (which isn't true -- no one really took Pat's place, or was that just in my heart? Joke). Dixie was in another corner, and she was really happy to see Patrick, but really cold to me. I didn't know what to think, but before I had time to analyze it, Patrick said we were leaving. So Sara, Peter, and I got to his car, and he was taking us home, but he kept driving backwards, and not really paying attention to the road (so not Patrick!) -- and searching for this one song to play for us, if it wasn't on the radio before midnight. We started listening to some matchbox 20 song, and I thought that was the song he wanted us to hear, but it wasn't. He was going to take us to his parent's house to listen to it, and I remembered his parent's house looking like what it looked like in one of my waaay old dreams (So weird!).

I woke up to that warm, fuzzy feeling when you see an old friend. But the thing is, the only place I'll ever see him is in my dreams.

Peter is living with him right now; his brother, one of my best friends from high school, who I talk to nearly every day -- and Patrick hasn't once talked to me, or even said hello through Peter. So I can only assume he's stopped caring, and probably never will again. I guess as long as I don't let it interfere with my relationship with Peter (uh...again)...I'll be okay, because honestly, it's not like I've tried that hard to contact him. And really, after three or four years...what am I even complaining about? Last time I talked to him on AIM (at 4 in the morning, Junior year at MIT), he implied that affirmitive action was the only reason I was there, and so it didn't end well.

Strange Dreams

I kind of want a sewing machine, as though I need more craft related things to keep me occupied. I barely have enough time for the knitting as it is -- and I'm unemployed!

My real reason for posting right now, though, is to document the strange dreams I had last night.

Dream the First:
I was at my grandmother's house, and we were either packing up boxes for her to leave or unpacking boxes of Christmas supplies. I remember being in the different rooms in the house very vividly, talking to my mom or my grandmother. Everything was a little bit...bigger, cleaner, and in better condition than when she was there. I was dating someone (and yes, I know who he was, but I'm not publishing it here), and I was sitting on the reclining chair while he sat on the side of the loveseat that was closest to me. He put his hand on my head and stroked my hair a few times. We were talking about the most mundane things, but the gesture, and the feeling I got being next to him was so warm and loving, and I was ridiculously happy when I woke up (at six in the morning).

I rolled over and went back to sleep, only to have Dream the Second:
I was at some sort of convention that was school related, but it felt like the StuCo conventions I went to in high school rather than something I would have done at MIT. Still, everyone there was someone I knew from college. Team Awesome was there -- but so was college boyfriend. I was hanging around my friends, but then I went off to do something. When I came back, one of my friends was on the floor, sitting across from college boyfriend, and they were wildly making out. Honestly? The first thought that came to my mind was that the friend had been through a lot, and I understood. I wasn't mad at her, and I wasn't mad at him. I wasn't okay with it, either, but I didn't have the capacity to cope with it because I had been up all night and was tired. I went to the bathroom, but to do that, I had to pass them. When I got into the hallway, I turned around, and college boyfriend was there, stammering and red in the face, apologizing. I told him that I honestly couldn't care less what he had to say about it, and that it was his business, and that even if it bothered me, he wasn't the one I wanted to talk to about it. And then I walked off.

At lunch, I picked up food that was supposed to be paid for, but evidently we were supposed to get cards at the beginning of the day, and I had never gotten one. I had a screaming match with the guy at the register, and he wouldn't just let me go and the line kept getting longer and longer and longer. I told him that my idiot group leader had never given me a card, but then I realized Teresa was in my group, too, and she had just handed him one, so I was confused and angry and why did everything have to keep happening to me?!

The next scene was in front of a lecture hall where I was waiting with Jessica to go to class , but we were waiting for these boys we liked to come by. When it was time for class, we went into the lecture hall, where Alisa and Teresa were sitting all the way at the top, where I wouldn't be able to see without my glasses. I was still unsure how to act about my friend and college boyfriend, and I was trying to be friendly, but it was hard. Laura and Jessica joined us, and I got to sit next to Laura, but this guy, Gabe was on my left, and then the desks started closing in on me, and I started feeling claustrophobic. I looked back and saw that college boyfriend was up there, too, and I chose the claustrophobia over making eye contact with him.

Kirstie Alley ended up being the professor, and the class ended up being Calc 2, and she went so fast I couldn't take notes and I didn't understand, and I was scared and wanted to cry, and it's a wonder I ever passed Calc 2. I woke up being terrified I hadn't studied properly.

Wacky Dreams

I had the strangest dream this morning. I was shopping with my parents and my nina and nino, and with someone my age (a female friend, who was fictional). My friend and I separated from the "adults" and went shopping on our own. We took a while, but we were supposed to meet the parents shortly, and when we thought we saw the men walking across the parking lot, we started running to catch the "shuttle" (to across the parking lot, which was a hundred feet away, tops...).

Once we jumped on the shuttle, I was no longer with a girl friend, but with my boyfriend, Ryan (that would be Ryan Atwood, perhaps more familiarly known as Benjamin McKenzie). The shuttle took off, and it was...a plane, not a bus. I was really hoping we'd just loop around, but kept joking that we'd end up some place like Chicago. Or Denton, but in the dream, the instant I said Denton, I didn't know where it was. I kept thinking West Coast, but I was sure it was in New Jersey. I'm a Texas girl. I know Denton is in Texas. Just not in my dreams, apparently. The guy in the couple sitting in front of us was being a real jerk, and the pilot took a real shining to Ryan (Ben).

We stopped at a restaurant to eat, and jerkface guy sat down, so we rushed to the back of the restaurant to be away from them. The pilot wanted us (Ryan mostly) to sit with him, and so we sat down. Then somehow, we were channelling little kids (Ruthie from 7th Heaven, and some guy that was supposed to be her step brother), and they were admitting that they'd known each other all their lives, and that they loved each other. Suddenly they were teenagers, and the boy was professing his love, but Ruthie said, "Eeew, get off of me!" and ran away. I ran after her, but got distracted by a map of the world that had a pikkachu island. See, pikkachu had disappeared, and I was on an elite ninja squad that was assigned to find him (it?). Except...okay, fine. I was Sailor Moon. And it was pikkachu at first, but it turns out we were duped, and it was your everyday, garden-variety hamster.

Yes, I know that the only interpretation for this dream is that I am a freak. The one I had before that involved McDonalds, my grandmother's house, my mom, and a park in El Paso that looked like Boston Common in my dream. I don't remember the specifics, though, and that's kind of a shame. On the bright side, I'm not the only one with WEIRD dreams:
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phil: i had a dream
phil: where you called me
phil: and were like
phil: "phil, i'm in los angeles"
phil: and you went to the so you think you can dance taping
phil: and met benji
phil: and then you ended up getting married
phil: hahahaa
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Apparently, my fantasies transcend time and space, and end up in other people's dreams, too.

Soho is, like...on the other side of the world!

I had a dream last night that a certain friend of mine was leaving to work in Soho.

I had just finished taking the "Architecture GRE," and had failed to do one part of the exam. I kept switching seats, and leaving behind one of the packets each time. I knew that I had failed the exam, because I never completed the packet I kept forgetting: the "sketch a perspective" portion of the exam. It was worth 48% of the final score, and I hadn't even finished the other packet in time. It was dark and grey outside, and there was a big storm warning, and the feeling in the air kept me from concentrating.

Later, a bunch of the people who had taken the exam with me were at a table in the hallway, and Steve, who was there as a volunteer because he had already taken the exam, told me not to worry because I could just take it again. I couldn't decide whether to snap at him about his affected Dutch accent first, or the fact that "just taking it again" wasn't an option because $538 doesn't just grow on trees, Steve.

It was just after this that the friend of mine made their announcement, and everything just went dark (because Soho is so ridiculously far away, you see, and I was absolutely crushed). The proctor told us that we needed to go upstairs for our scores and some punch and cookies, and Thomas Ian Nicholas (who happened to be a good friend of mine - and had a bit of a crush on me, I might add) told me to follow him upstairs, but I just stood there while everyone trickled away in different directions.

I tried to track down Thomas, but by the time I went to the stairwell, he had gone upstairs, and I couldn't remember where to go for the punch and cookies. On one of the landings, a used violin string caught my eye, then another one, and another. Out of curiosity, I followed the trail of discarded violin strings towards the roof exit.