Firey Computer Death

My laptop may be on its last leg these days, and I am trying my hardest to transfer my 26GB of music onto my external hard drive before the whole thing explodes into pieces of angry, molten laptop. The problem lies within the fact that my computer likes to transfer about two gigs of music, then shut down in the middle of the transfer. Without warning or blue screen of death, there will just be sudden black nothingness. The best part is how it likes to transfer the folders randomly, instead of alphabetically, so I get to search for the remaining folders! Yay!

J thinks he may have found a trojan, and we found a mysterious file that I did not install. We're both crossing our fingers that it just snuck in with something else I did instal, and not that someone is remotely accessing my computer and gathering identity theft material.

While there are plenty of updates, I've spent most of my free time knitting instead of updating this blog. I started a knitting blog, just in case that's what you're interested in, and you probably won't be finding much of it here, anymore.

Wrapping up 2007

Wrapping up 2006

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
I rode my bike 50 miles for charity (I bought a bike), rented a zipcar, and asked for help. I bought a grown up bed, and a real Christmas tree.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
From last year:

This year, I want to work out more (HA), be a nicer person (at least outwardly), and definitely be more patient (both inside and out). And drink more water.

This year I just want to be happy. Happy and dehydrated.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A co-worker and his wife had a baby. She is the cutest baby in the whole. world. THE WORLD.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
Bermuda

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A pair of sensible shoes

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
July 17th. It was the first time J told me he loved me.
November 21st. When my surgeon's office called me and told me they wouldn't be able to perform the surgery on our scheduled date.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Pulling myself up and out of a giant hole.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being close enough to people who care about me. Losing hope.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was diagnosed with disthymia (depression), and my jaw has gotten progressively worse.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought J rims for his bike. Also, my bed and artwork to go above my bed.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
J has been completely amazing. He's a great guy, he works hard, and (YES, Justin) he has a cute butt.
Laura is also completely amazing. She bought a house this year, and she's one of the strongest, most amazing women that I am blessed to have in my life.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I'm pretty sure that I can't write that here because there are certain things one should avoid blogging about. But some of you know who I'm talking about.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, shoes, and a new bed.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Tokyo Police club concerts, going to Coney Island with J, the new Harry Potter book and movie. Meeting J's family (wait, excited or nervous?)

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Your English is Good by Tokyo Police Club

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
Much, much happier. And more whole.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I had ridden my bike more.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Less pity parties.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my family.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
That is a good question. I know I have invited many people to do something with me and J, but it is yet to be determined.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Yes.

23. How many one-night stands?
None worth mentioning.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Battlestar Galactica, The Office, Futurama, Planet Earth, 24 (more for the social aspect than the show. I mean... No. I mean that), Meerkat Manor (The OC of Animal Planet).

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes, see number 13, above.

26. What was the best book you read?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, The Boleyn Inheritance

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Love is All. Even though I had some of their songs last year, I ended up getting the whole album recently, and I heart it.

28. What did you want that you also ended up getting?
A Canon EOS Digital Rebel XTi for Christmas/our one year anniversary. I honestly didn't deserve it. It's pretty much the most amazing thing I own.

29. What did you want that you did not end up getting?
My jaw surgery. I really really wanted my jaw surgery.
Also, I hoped against hope that J would be in town for our anniversary, and my birthday, but it didn't turn out that way. Actually, I just found out that he will be in town for my birthday. Yey!

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I think it will be Lars and the Real Girl. If we ever get around to seeing it. But until then, King of Kong was pretty awesome.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 23, and we went to Border Cafe for some margaritas. Alisa also hosted a brunch for me.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I honestly can't think of a single thing (ask me again when I'm feeling malcontent)

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Lots of converse, stiletto heels, indie t-shirts, and boots. Also, lots of dresses, many of them far too low cut.

34. What kept you sane?
Medication. And therapy.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
John Krasinski (and not because he looks even the slightest bit like J...)

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Women's rights, gay marriage, religion in general, and abstinence education...it was a distressing year. I'm looking at you, Romney.

37. Who did you miss?
I missed J terribly when he went to Arizona a few weeks ago and I miss him terribly now. I missed my co-worker, Neil, a lot when he left. I miss Jordan and David, and even though I talk to her every day, I miss Laura. Well, damnit - I miss all of you - why don't we all live in the same state, anymore?!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I suppose although I met Jordan, David, and Sarah last year, we didn't really get to know each other until this year. Also, a lot of the new interns at work are the awesome.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
"Love is an unreleased Pixies album in a world before file sharing"

Also, learning how to trust again can be a wonderful thing.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"
-Regina Spektor, On the Radio

As a Corollary to Heather's Post

Just in case there was some interest in Heather's post that I linked to a few days back, her husband Jon responded with his perspective on what it's like to live with someone with chronic depression.

Since there are varying levels of depression I won't pretend I know what it's like to live with it all the time, but there's something to be said about partners and friends who are open and kind when you finally admit that you need help. There are wonderful people who have allowed me to begin to heal and learn how to manage this in a safe environment - who don't judge me and who make sure I know that they think that I am a wonderful person even when I refuse to believe it. I know it's hard to be on the other side of that - mostly I'd imagine that it's hard to know what to do.

I'm sure I'm being all kinds of melodramatic, here. But thanks, anyway.

A Better Life

I read dooce.com on a daily basis because Heather is an incredibly smart, insightful, witty and beautiful person - and frankly she is one of my heroes. She isn't scared to talk about subjects that many people avoid, and it is exactly this aspect of her blog that helped me figure some things out after facing being afraid to face a few very dark times in my life.

Because I couldn't say it on the phone

Christmas Tree!

Every year since I went away to college, I have decorated my own Christmas tree. Until last year, it has always been a three foot "Canadian Pine" that I found at Walgreens, with some ornaments that I have accumulated over the years.

This year, I was going to buy a real tree - and by that, I meant a six foot "Canadian Pine" from the hardware store. Something more realistic than my three foot table-top tree.

Well...I ended up going with something even more realistic, instead.



On Sunday, J and I went to Crane Neck Christmas Tree Farm with some friends and hauled a nice eight foot tree back with us.





Oh, and for the record, we were this tall in Christmas 2007:

Daft Punk Are Brilliant, I Love Daft Punk.

Daft Punk just released a new live album, Alive 2007, and I have streamed it a few times now. I am thoroughly addicted, and will be purchasing it today so that I can listen myself sick.

I know that Around The World is everyone's favorite song, so hey, how about an .mp3? Around The World/Harder Better Faster Stronger will be on constant repeat in my iTunes today - now doesn't it make you want to get up and dance?

Daft Punk's Myspace Page
Buy the album at Amazon
Download the album on iTunes

Speaking of Daft Punk, have any of you seen the Dom and Elijah Interview Easter Egg on Return of the King?



If you have (and if you haven't, feel free to watch. I'll wait), you'll realize why I had a conniption and couldn't stop laughing for about five minutes after I had this conversation:

me: okay, for real, do you like daft punk? (i just made myself laugh)
me: (i can't stop)
laura: daft punk are brilliant
me: *deep breaths*
me: so daft punk just released a new live album
me: it's the awesome
laura: oh. you really were for real.
laura: now I'm laughing even harder.

I really am for real. This album is the awesome.

The Jaw Surgery That Wasn't

I was supposed to be getting jaw surgery today. A LeFort I Osteotomy, which would correct my upper jaw, and (hopefully) relieve me of jaw pain that gets so bad sometimes that I'm afraid my head will just explode right then and there out of sheer agony. I am obviously not getting the surgery today due to a number of reasons that are entirely not my fault, but for reasons that I keep blaming on myself, anyway.

My insurance didn't come through, which isn't a huge surprise given that my surgeon's office sent the request in right before a holiday. We planned this surgical date on October 18th, though. After years of waiting for this, I scheduled this date in good faith that a month and a half would be enough time for them to secure the operating room, contact my insurance, jump through hoops the insurance would probably put us through, and then I thought we would finally get this DONE.

So, to be exact, I have been waiting for the go ahead to get this done for two years. I have been through no less than three insurance providers in the course of my waiting. Unfortunately, fate timed this date such that when it was scheduled I would be covered by an insurance company that is not local, and thus does not operate under Massachusetts code, and thus has been a huge pain in my ass - repeatedly and for every variety of medical care I've ever needed. In the meantime, my jaw pain has progressed, and sometimes I wake up and it's locked up so tightly that I have to use a heating pack on my face. So that I can eat. Or, you know, function.

I have been in braces for almost three years now. The braces haven't really been doing much; my teeth haven't moved in the last two years. The worst part about having braces as an adult is...well, having braces as an adult. I know I'm the only one who matters that even notices them as a negative thing. Both my boyfriend and my best friend have repeatedly told me that the braces aren't even a fraction of a thought on people's minds, but they are still all I can think about when I'm meeting someone for the first time, or smiling, or laughing. Or looking into a mirror.

I am fine, really. I was fine in Minnesota, when I didn't have to think about it, and I'm fine now, even though I am so ridiculously confused and sad and disoriented. I hate whoever it was, whatever collection of events it was, that caused me to have to take back all of the paperwork only to have to do it again sometime soon. Whatever caused me to have to cancel my mother's $800 flight and several hundred dollar rental car because I will need her here when I get my surgery and we can't just spend $1000 every time we get dicked around. I hate that I was forced to rent a zipcar for the purpose of rushing some dental molds to an office in another city, only to find out that it didn't matter, anymore - and then get an icing-on-the-cake parking ticket from the good old city of Somerville.

I am so bummed. And queasy, and tired. I don't know why I'm queasy, but I am. I have been since I found out that my surgery date was going to come and go, and I wasn't going to be able to do a thing about it. It's hard to take out anger on the source when there really isn't one.

I think it's about time to finally start throwing bricks at cars that don't stop at stop lights or yield to my bike when I have the right of way. I mean, the anger has to go somewhere. I can't just keep it inside!

Woo, Turkey!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am off to Minnesota to (hopefully, if the skies are on my side) spend dinner with my sister, and Laura and her family. For now, I'm leaving a link to a blog post I found on digg that was pretty interesting. I'd like to live my life with a little bit less cynicism, but that's another topic for another time, I suppose. Right now, I have to pack.

http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/how-to-be-naked-like-a-baby/

I am fairly sure that if they took porn off the internet, there would only be one website left and it would be called "bring back the porn"

I am busy as all holy hell and will stay that way until I leave for Minnesota. Updates, although there are probably many, will be scarce -- as they have been.

Until then, you, who found this blog via google.co.uk (and not only that, but I am the number one hit...What the...?):

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=flickr.panties.&btnG=Search&meta=

You are disgusting. That is not what the Internet is for.

Fiery Bolero

I finished the fiery bolero last night. Even though it doesn't fit me, I'm still pretty happy with the way it turned out. The seaming was a little bit touch and go, and was maybe a bit messy in places, but after I got the hang of picking up stitches for the collar, I realized that this knitting thing...it isn't so hard with enough practice.

So now I need to find someone just a little bit bigger than me to wear it. I want one for myself oh so badly...but not badly enough to rip this one out.

Mulesing and Circumcision

I was reading up on mulesing on Wikipedia today because I keep hearing about it in the knitting and animal rights worlds. There was an interesting thread on ravelry, so I decided to do a little research (emphasis on a little).

My first thought was that it sounds absolutely horrible. Then again, so can circumcision and it sounded a little bit like circumcision.

The non-wooled skin which is around the anus (and vulva in ewes) is pulled tight as the cut heals and results in a smooth area that does not get fouled by fæces or urine.

When managed according to the standards, policies and procedures developed by the CSIRO, lambs are normally mulesed a few weeks after birth. The operation takes one to two minutes. Standard practice is to do this operation simultaneously with other procedures such as ear marking, tail docking, and vaccination. Because the procedure removes skin, not any underlying flesh or structure, there is little blood loss from the cut other than a minor oozing on the edges of the cut skin.

but I hadn't seen it paralleled to circumcision anywhere, yet. I wondered if that was incredibly ignorant of me.

I wrote a paper in college that began as an FGM paper, but by the time I researched and edited, and re-researched and re-edited, it had turned into a paper about male circumcision: the unknown horrors. In all of the cases I have been familiar with, circumcision didn't leave a physical impact or, to my knowledge, an emotional one, but I have to admit that my sample size is small. Very small. Is it really a matter of hygeine? Or is it about cosmetics, or Victorian views on masturbation? Can it traumatize the baby? Is it worth it? The research I did raised more questions than it answered, and I could only address so many in the paper -- I wasn't answering them, anyway, I was so confused.

I guess my question was, am I crazy for comparing mulesing to circumcision, and going further, is either one inhumane enough to call for the eradication of the practice?

It seems that there is a resounding assertion that museling is just plain wrong. However, after doing a quick Google search on circumcision and museling, I found that I just haven't been reading closely enough, because a lot of people seem to draw on the parallel.

I haven't come to a conclusion on either topic at the moment. More research than I genuinely care to do right now would be required, but I think both are interesting.

I also wanted to post this comment found at treehugger.com:

I believe Ethan [a previous poster] is comparing muesling to his own circumcision... I wonder if [he] realizes that lambs are born far more physically advanced than humans - that is to say baby sheep are at par developmentally with beginning school aged children (I know that sheep don't do the whole spoken language thing, so spare me. I mean that they walk, explore, have the capacity to learn, etc. - something which took Ethan a year or three to warm up to). So, Ethan, if your first day of school commenced with being circumcised sans anaesthesia, would you still have graduated?

All of the above aside, here's a bit of background not covered by the wiki link:
1.) Sheep's posteriors have been covered with wool for thousands of years.
2.) Feces and urine have probably been getting stuck there for just as long.
3.) Flies have been around for even longer than that.
4.) Two world wars in the first half of the last century, and the amassing of armies to fight them, created an unprecedented demand for wool for uniforms. This demand led to a new manner of raising livestock, and the acceptance of the practice of mulesing.

The issue isn't so much flystrike, it's that the animals are now raised in conditions which cause it. All you have to do is keep their bums clean! With one ranch-hand per hundred sheep this was not a problem, but with one per a thousand you have a bunch of dirty animals... If you take out the animal equation, mulesing is to wool what pesticides and preservatives are to food. Do you only buy organic vegetables? Then do the same with your next sweater and support companies like SmartWool.

Maybe no more educational than everything else I've read today, but I thought it was interesting.

I only have so much to give, too

I am so tired of being angry all the time.

I feel like every step in this recovery has been slow and painful; every time I look ahead to see how far I have to go, I feel like I am staring down an endless highway, and when I look back to see how far I've come, I've traveled an inch.

I feel so helpless and frustrated and clumsy, like I'm stuck being insecure and inept and completely hopeless while I wait to become someone better.

I feel like no one is listening to me, and by the time I demand to be heard, by the time I want to scream at people to look at me, pay attention to me -- tell me everything is going to be okay -- all I do is push people away. I have absolutely no idea how to ask for what I need, and how can I blame people for not meeting expectations I don't even know I have?

My world is falling so short of what I have hoped for right now, and I have no idea how to reconcile that.

Recipe for a not so bad day, after all

To cure an insanely bad day at work, take this zucchini bread recipe, some bad TV, and a sweet boyfriend. Mix thoroughly.

Luckiest Girl in the World

Last night I had the most wonderful dream.

I was at "work," and had run downstairs to go grab lunch. On my way out, I asked my boyfriend -- this beefy Irish guy that I worked with -- what he wanted for lunch. He was feeling sick, so he wanted a very specific soup. When I ran downstairs to grab it for him, I bumped into another co-worker, my best friend J. I had just grabbed a semi-viable substitution for the soup that they did not have, but J asked if I wanted to join him for lunch in the park, and I completely forgot about my sick boyfriend waiting upstairs.

We walked across the street and sat near some flowers under a tree. I was having such a good time, and he was so beautiful and sweet and funny. I had had the biggest crush on him for the longest time and it was so painful because I had this really sweet mild mannered boyfriend, but I was in love with J. He was so perfect and we were so wonderful together - I mean, we were best friends. I was torn up inside and I had no idea what I was going to do.

I woke up and looked around -- I was already dating J. He mumbled something in his sleep and scratched his nose. I settled back down into the covers, feeling warm and happy. I was already with my best friend. He was laying right there next to me.

Blogging because I have too much time on my hands

Okay, I'm going to do what I do best and turn this Nov. 1^st blog post into a bitch fest (I'm participating in NaBloPoMo), because today I have a rant.

I've been fielding comments over on flickr due to J's recent Internet fame. I shouldn't. Field the comments, I mean. Especially after we Googled it and had a riotous laugh about some of the comments on other blogs that I have zero control over:

I think its unique even though its ugly.

Is it me or wearing a social site costume is the best way to tell everybody around that you don't have a social life ?

Photoshop.

Where are the ads?
Obviously, the party has Firefox with Adblock.

Yes. HILARIOUS. And somewhat ironically hilarious given the spoof comments J came up with.

The vast majority of the comments have been nice. Some guy on digg was tickled by the "easter eggs," and the gearfuse guy was the first to point out that J didn't have enough stars.

Some people were just downright OFFENDED that they came up with the idea first but weren't plastered all over the Internet. I'm sorry that just because he didn't do it first, J happened to do it right. I'm sorry your fragile little egos were so bruised you had to be offended at all (although some of you were just sharing for sharing's sake, so I'm not speaking at y'all). I mean honestly, guys. I just posted a picture I took to flickr. Panties, unbunch.

Then, along the same vein, there are the people who felt compelled to link to their similar, yet less creative, costumes that "only took 15 minutes to make and were better." Seriously? It's not a contest. But if it were, shouldn't you have a little bit more pride in your work? First of all, don't tell me it took 15 minutes because I saw the link you posted and I know roughly how long it takes to make poster boards. You, unfortunately, invested more than 15 minutes in that. Add time for not actually thinking of witty comments, but instead just printing your costume off the Internet. Awesome! You can use a glue stick! Don't you have more dignity than that? Are you twelve?*

But there's one that really burns my butt, and it has come up with regards to my knitting so I felt it deserved an entry because it makes me want to stab people in the eye. This is the, "You must have so much time on your hands," comment.

Too. Much. Time. On my hands. On the Internet, I am incapable of giving the withering stare that I have perfected for just such occasions. Are you seriously telling me that because I made time to do something that makes me happy, that it is more frivolous than the time you spend farting around doing whatever it is that you do that does not interest me at all? Next time it happens I'm going to say something about the new 26 hour day I've converted to, and how they should try it.

I know that I am judgmental, but christ. Do people even think when they open their mouths anymore?

*There's no piggy-backing on my flickr page. If your comment was deleted, it was because you're a dick, because you had the audacity to post a link to your costume while calling someone who had the EXACT SAME IDEA AS YOU lame (you want some of those hits? Stop being a dick and maybe I'd allow the referral from my page), or because you annoyed me. It's my photo, my paid space on flickr, my rules. Post your links elsewhere. Be idiots elsewhere. Digg might be a good place for that.

I Feel Like I'm Dating A Rock Star

So just in case you hadn't heard, my boyfriend is famous.

Well...Internet famous. His face is ALL. OVER. THE. INTERNET. This is because he is super awesome and creative.

Here's the photo that started it all.

Our Love of Pizza...and Not Wearing Pants

J and I had a hankering for pizza last night (okay, in all reality, we had a hankering for "food," and as I had started to pull pajama pants on, I no longer had any desire to wear real pants just to go to a restaurant), and so we sauntered over to the Papa John's website to order pizza without any human interaction at all! Or pants! (Just how I like my pizza!) There was a special involving free cheese sticks with an order of any large 3 topping pizza. We usually get the cheese sticks, anyway, with a bacon pizza, but with this deal we could spent the same amount of money and get two extra toppings. What a steal! I was feeling creative, and so our three toppings were bacon, extra cheese...and bacon.

Also, we may like Papa John's a little too much...Sometimes we order pizza through my account and request it be delivered to J's apartment. We've done this a few times too many, it seems, because he's started getting Papa John's coupons sent to his apartment, all addressed to me.

Yarn I stole doesn't count towards the budget, right?

I bought some knitpicks yarn recently; I sincerely needed one more skein of the Iris Alpaca Cloud to finish Muir, and while I was there...



knitpicks alpaca cloud in peppermint
So last night, due to my recent (just prior to this order, but I want to point out that I qualified this order!) promise to J not to buy any more yarn, at least until all of the projects currently on my needles have been completed:

"Look at this yarn! I want to sleep in a bed of this yarn. Isn't it beautiful?"
"...Did you buy that yarn in the past few days?"
"Well, yes, but...

...No, I stole it."

Loving Frank

I went to Western Pennsylvania this weekend because two of J's childhood friends were getting married. Going on plane rides means that I need a new book or two, and this trip was no exception. I picked up Loving Frank and The Boleyn Inheritance.

I haven't started reading the Boleyn Inheritance, but I finished Loving Frank this morning. I am a sucker for historical fiction; this trip felt like the perfect time to indulge that urge. Plus, the other book I had really wanted to bring was the Half Blood Prince, but I could hear J groaning when I picked it up, and he wasn't even there.

Loving Frank follows the life of Martha "Mamah" Borthwick, Frank Lloyd Wright's mistress, from around 1903 until her death in 1914. This oft overlooked woman is usually "a footnote in the life of America's greatest architect," but in this book she shines. We finally learn a little bit more about Mamah (pronounced 'May-mah') Borthwick Cheney and her role in the American feminist movement (which is slight but notable), and the book even seems to treat her as Wright's first real love. The book ends with the tragic and untimely death of Mamah and her children in Taliesin, the house Wright designed for Mamah and himself after he deserted his first wife, Catherine, and their six children.

I have always wanted to know more about this mistress that Frank Lloyd Wright had, mostly because I crave details about tragic and clandestine love affairs of most famous people, especially ones that I admire. It's hard to find information about Mamah, aside from summaries of her murder which are usually just in the details about the demise of Taliesin. She obviously meant a lot to Wright, but on the other hand they only knew each other for a grand total of nine years, and the affair coincides suspiciously with a huge artistic/mid-life crisis on Wright's part. Even Mamah, through the voice of Nancy Horan admits that Frank was already and always a shining star in this world, and would have been even without her in his life. This is not to discount her, but she certainly wasn't his first mistress, and even though it's very possible that they may have been happy together if she had survived, he didn't seem to have a habit of staying faithful to any one woman (which reminds me of Roman Polanski in some ways).

I was angered throughout the book by Frank and Mamah, two incredibly selfish people who destroyed the lives of their families in the pursuit of their own happiness, but I have a soft spot for FLW's architecture, which helps me overlook his shortcomings as a father. In Mamah's case, the destruction was quite literal, since both of her children died with her that day at Taliesin, but many other accounts seem to say that Frank Lloyd Wright's children did not appreciate their father's desertion very much. While I tend to agree with most of Mamah's feminist views, on principle, she seemed to be living a social experiment with Wright simply to push her own feminist agenda -- one that seems sad when you take into account her children.

In the end, it was a beautifully written book, even though I felt that it romanticizes the relationship to the point of making it seem silly. Mamah's obsession with Frank sounded very much like my high school crushes: childish fantasies where I could not see anything outside of my desire. The biggest difference is that I was a child, myself, and she was a woman with children. I have some sympathy for her because she grew up in a different time, but much of her relationship with Frank seemed unstable to me, and if she hadn't perished in that fire, I sincerely doubt they would have made it to the end. Still, this is conjecture based on pure (albeit thoroughly researched) fiction since much of her correspondence was burned with her in Taliesin. The book was thoughtfully written and felt true to the characters, but it was pieced together using Frank's life and a meager ten letters from Mamah to Ellen Key.

If your things are architecture, feminism, and historical fiction, I highly recommend this book, although I would also recommend it if you like Cosmo, Glamour, or Chick-lit. There's a lot more "Bridges of Madison County" in this book than there are accounts of Frank Lloyd Wright's architectural influence on anyone but Mamah Borthwick Cheney.

America's Next Top Model: The Girl Who Goes Bald

Last night the girls on America's Next Top Model were dressed as flowers, and Tyra took the flower metaphor waaay to far. Tyra's crazy, and I love her for it, but sometimes she just needs to quit it -- last night was one of those times. Get ready to be "deflowered"??? Are you serious, Tyra? And then the girls who all thought deflowered --> being nude? Jesus God, people. Mary and I looked at each other and immediately burst into laughter.

Last week I told someone I was having trouble doing these ANTM recaps without using the word "bitch," so this week I'm going to try really hard to keep the use of the word bitch to this paragraph explaining how, no matter how much I may want to, I can't use...that word. (One more time to get it out of my system: ...bitch)

This week was the most glorious week in ANTM: Makeover week! Mostly, I like to see girls cry when Tyra hacks off all their hair or gives them weaves. It's so predictable. Also, as a professional who uses rendering software to get that photo-realistic look for important presentations, I especially appreciated the digitized photos of the girls' makeovers. Way to use MS Paint, guys! Can I outsource my next presentation board to you all?

Most of the makeovers were not good. Saleisha got this bob that...might be cute? In certain lighting? The other makeovers were drastic, yet tired. Bianca's hair was so fried they had to shave it all off. She was a good sport about it, and I get why she was crying, but I have very little sympathy for someone who fries their hair out so badly it needs to be shaved off. It was pink for crying out loud. She should have known better -- this is high fashion, as Tyra pointed out, not Queens. Heather got the best makeover of all: a trim and some highlights.

This week's challenge was "the Cover Girl challenge" (the tables of make-up, etc). Sarah won, and the other girls were just glad it wasn't Saleisha again. I just remembered a tiny unrelated detail that blew my mind...When Niles introduced his wife?! I never thought, with all the womanizing he clearly does, that Niles might be married! Wow. Just wow.

The photo shoot, as previously mentioned, was flower themed. The girls were dressed up as follows:

Ambreal - Rose
Bianca - Sunflower
Chantal - Baby's Breath
Ebony - Bird of Paradise
Heather - Weeds
Janet - Hydrangea
Jenah - Moss
Lisa - Bamboo
Saleisha - Tulip
Sarah - Ivy
Victoria - Cactus

I liked the concept, and the look on Heather's face when she found out she was a weed was priceless. Victoria simply doesn't get it -- being a flower?...Is dumb. She comes at it from the perspective of a student, though. She weighs the pros and cons and seems to come to the visible conclusion that her heart is not in it. To the cameras, though, she states that she's going to try harder because she can win this; probably because she's never gotten less than an A- in her life, and like all other things she must not fail at this (I have a bad habit of projecting, but something in that last sentence makes so much sense that I feel like I get Victoria).

The elimination round: Victoria and Saleisha are in the bottom. Victoria totally got that she was a cactus because she has a prickly personality, but she mouths off to Twiggy during the panel, and Tyra tells her that top models are gracious and sans attitude. Saleisha is told that she isn't photographing as well as she should, and that her eyes have no emotion - there's nothing behind them (like a brain).

Eventually the chip on Victoria's shoulder does her in, and she is eliminated. As she leaves the house, she admits that it's better this way so that she doesn't steal some girl's dream. Ultimately, I did like Victoria, even though she came off as very condescending -- probably because I can relate. I think the cutting room floor was not kind to her, so maybe her clips were...manipulated - and if anyone's going to be okay after elimination, it's her. Now that Victoria's gone, though, I can focus all of my attention on Heather. Beautiful, wonderful, unaffected Heather -- who is very much going to be America's Next Top Model unless she completely blows the commercial competition..