America's Next Top Model: The Girl Who Goes Bald

Last night the girls on America's Next Top Model were dressed as flowers, and Tyra took the flower metaphor waaay to far. Tyra's crazy, and I love her for it, but sometimes she just needs to quit it -- last night was one of those times. Get ready to be "deflowered"??? Are you serious, Tyra? And then the girls who all thought deflowered --> being nude? Jesus God, people. Mary and I looked at each other and immediately burst into laughter.

Last week I told someone I was having trouble doing these ANTM recaps without using the word "bitch," so this week I'm going to try really hard to keep the use of the word bitch to this paragraph explaining how, no matter how much I may want to, I can't use...that word. (One more time to get it out of my system: ...bitch)

This week was the most glorious week in ANTM: Makeover week! Mostly, I like to see girls cry when Tyra hacks off all their hair or gives them weaves. It's so predictable. Also, as a professional who uses rendering software to get that photo-realistic look for important presentations, I especially appreciated the digitized photos of the girls' makeovers. Way to use MS Paint, guys! Can I outsource my next presentation board to you all?

Most of the makeovers were not good. Saleisha got this bob that...might be cute? In certain lighting? The other makeovers were drastic, yet tired. Bianca's hair was so fried they had to shave it all off. She was a good sport about it, and I get why she was crying, but I have very little sympathy for someone who fries their hair out so badly it needs to be shaved off. It was pink for crying out loud. She should have known better -- this is high fashion, as Tyra pointed out, not Queens. Heather got the best makeover of all: a trim and some highlights.

This week's challenge was "the Cover Girl challenge" (the tables of make-up, etc). Sarah won, and the other girls were just glad it wasn't Saleisha again. I just remembered a tiny unrelated detail that blew my mind...When Niles introduced his wife?! I never thought, with all the womanizing he clearly does, that Niles might be married! Wow. Just wow.

The photo shoot, as previously mentioned, was flower themed. The girls were dressed up as follows:

Ambreal - Rose
Bianca - Sunflower
Chantal - Baby's Breath
Ebony - Bird of Paradise
Heather - Weeds
Janet - Hydrangea
Jenah - Moss
Lisa - Bamboo
Saleisha - Tulip
Sarah - Ivy
Victoria - Cactus

I liked the concept, and the look on Heather's face when she found out she was a weed was priceless. Victoria simply doesn't get it -- being a flower?...Is dumb. She comes at it from the perspective of a student, though. She weighs the pros and cons and seems to come to the visible conclusion that her heart is not in it. To the cameras, though, she states that she's going to try harder because she can win this; probably because she's never gotten less than an A- in her life, and like all other things she must not fail at this (I have a bad habit of projecting, but something in that last sentence makes so much sense that I feel like I get Victoria).

The elimination round: Victoria and Saleisha are in the bottom. Victoria totally got that she was a cactus because she has a prickly personality, but she mouths off to Twiggy during the panel, and Tyra tells her that top models are gracious and sans attitude. Saleisha is told that she isn't photographing as well as she should, and that her eyes have no emotion - there's nothing behind them (like a brain).

Eventually the chip on Victoria's shoulder does her in, and she is eliminated. As she leaves the house, she admits that it's better this way so that she doesn't steal some girl's dream. Ultimately, I did like Victoria, even though she came off as very condescending -- probably because I can relate. I think the cutting room floor was not kind to her, so maybe her clips were...manipulated - and if anyone's going to be okay after elimination, it's her. Now that Victoria's gone, though, I can focus all of my attention on Heather. Beautiful, wonderful, unaffected Heather -- who is very much going to be America's Next Top Model unless she completely blows the commercial competition..