I had a dream and you were in it / The blue of your eyes was Infinite / You seemed to be / in love with me / Which isn't very realistic

I'm going to need a music patch. I vowed to Laura (and am now documenting it here so NO CHEATING) that I will not buy any more CDs for a month. I think I should extend that to include DVDs...what with the whole going to Minnesota for Thanksgiving thing.

Thanks to Steve's AWESOME podcast, and also free swag via last.fm banners, I have, in the past twenty-four hours purchased The Magenetic Fields' i, and The Decemberistis' Crane Wife. It's a sickness you guys. Just last week I HAD TO pick up the Lemonheads' new self-titled album, and while I was there I saw the Libertines and thought, "Why not?"

So. There you have it. Thank goodness Matt said he'd authorize my computer with his iTunes account so I will have some Ben Kweller to hold me over! (Which spawned the conversation that's been my away message for the past day, which is "He said he'd authorize my computer if I wanted / I said that sounded kinky / But I liked it." "It was kinky / Very kinky."

Anyway.

Things have been...interesting. I'm feeling a lot better about some things. I'm feeling more nervous about others. Grad school applications are due SO SOON, and I've only hashed out one half-baked plan involving Chicago, and thus IIT. I don't even know if I want to go there. Does that mean I should just move to Chicago for the bloody hell of it? I mean...why not?

Then there are studio projects I need to...revamp for my portfolio -- which is what I'm really nervous about. The applications, tedious as they are, and the GREs (uh...FUCK)...all of that is just static. I can do that, no problem. It's the portfolio that makes my stomach all knotty.

Still more, I'm very confused about some things in my personal life right now. Basically, it boils down to my being lazy, apathetic, or SCARED. Lazy isn't really an option in this case, because I'm not avoiding anything because I'm tired or bored. I don't think it's apathy, and if it is, it's only because I'm so guarded with my heart these days (thanks). That leaves scared, which I think is fair, given the history involved.

So what now? That's not up to me. I've decided I'm taking a completely passive stance on this one. And if that means that nothing ever happens, then que será.

[Currently Spinning: The Magnetic Fields - I Don't Believe You]