Relationship Advice From Peter

peter: i heard alot of people pick up people at grocery stores - especially the trendy ones
peter: like whole foods
me: i guess i could do more grocery shopping...but I just see a lot of couples when I go
peter: look for guys with baskets - they are single

The "vegetarian" thing. It comes and goes.

I had half of a roast beef sandwich for lunch today before I looked at it, and then promptly had to excuse myself to the restroom.

I think I'm done with meat for a while, again. [My stomach] just can't deal with that kind of karma right now.

Everything's Duckie

Sometimes I feel stupid, like, Wow. Just wow.

Like during the Emmy Awards when they kept showing that guy on Two and a Half Men that isn't Charlie Sheen, and I was like, "Stop cutting to that guy! Geez!" And then I find out that guy is Jon Cryer, and I'm like, "d'oh."

The good news, though, is that they're releasing a new Everything's Duckie Edition of Pretty in Pink on DVD. Not that I don't already have a copy of Pretty in Pink, but you know. Alt-ending...

When the leaves start to turn, so will I

At yoga today, we did an exercise where you think relaxing thoughts, or healing thoughts, or just happy thoughts, at the beginning of class, but you concentrate on the thought(s) while you're building energy throughout class. Then, right before the relaxation technique at the end, you release the energy you've accumulated and push it out into the world, wherever you want it to go. We were told that we could use it for ourselves, if we just needed to relax our minds and make it throught the week, but I used my energy for two of my friends, thinking simultaneous thoughts for them and sending out my wishes with all of my heart. I know that one of them needed the relaxation I could have kept for myself, and I just wanted the other one to know I was thinking about them. It was the closest thing I've felt to prayer in a long time, and it felt good, for a while.

During class, the pains in my lower back started to come back. Not a bad pain, but rather more of a discomfort after the back twists, when I was laying flat on my back. Almost like phantom pains, reminding me how I was scared about my back recently - just before I found this job, but didn't have anyone to talk to want to talk to anyone about it.

This back pain had hit me hard and sharp, and actually made it very difficult for me to get around for a few weeks. Weeks. It disappeared as mysteriously as it appeared, but for a while I was terrified, because there was no explanation as to why my back suddenly stopped feeling normal, and wouldn't get better. It was either bad or worse for a while, but the pain was always there, 24 hours a day.

My theory is that the pain was a physical manifestation of my depression. The depression that I was denying -- it was trying to get my attention and make me address the problem. My family, we don't talk about these things, much less to professionals. We suck it up. We deal with it. That's just stupid. I should have seen a doctor. I should have told a friend. I should still see a doctor, or talk to my yoga instructor about it, especially if it's coming back. Especially if it's mental.

Because I think I know why it's hurting. I can feel the melancholy enveloping me again. Meloncholy without purpose; without reason. See, I don't know what I'm so sad about. I don't know why it makes me happy to have sadness inside of me; why I feel so full when I feel so empty.

I think it's the turning of the seasons. The idea that I'm losing something that I'll never get back. I want to take it all in and keep it from slipping through my fingers again, and I want to smell it and taste it once more. I want to hold it and breathe it in, and I want it to linger just a little bit longer this time.

I despise the in-betweens. Autumn can't get here soon enough.

And a Greyhound Will Love Me Unconditionally

I'm pretty sure I want kids someday. In the FAR FAR future, definitely, but the mommy badge is one I'm fairly certain I want to wear. Someday.

Then, I see things like This. And This.

And then I remember This. And This.

And suddenly, being a barren old spinster doesn't seem. so. bad.

It Was Still A Good Weekend

Things I did yesterday:

Sat on couch, watched TV.

Things I did not do yesterday:

Return clothes to BR
Buy milk
Buy diet coke and lunch for the work week
Get up from the couch

What kept me sitting in front of the idiot box all day? Who knows, but this is what I watched: Full House, Can't Buy Me Love, Ever After/Someone Like You, She's All That, and finally, the Emmy's. So, basically, full-on mocking can commence...Now.

I feel kind of "meh" about this year's Emmy's. They played up the "controversy," and also how they run over every year, but in the way that annoyed me, not the way that was funny, haha, making fun of ourselves, hahaHa. Grey's Anatomy didn't take home any awards, and Ellen Pompeo's speech defect heavy Bostonian accent wasn't apparent when she presented with Patrick Dempsey, which I was actually really hoping to hear. It seems she's done some pretty good work with a speech therapist.

And other things, like I am glad that the Office won, but am also sad that Scrubs was overlooked entirely, as in why wasn't Zach Braff nominated? Or Sarah Chalke? Not that anyone on Scrubs would have stood a chance to win against Julia Louis-Dreyfus, but still. It's nice to be nominated. Stephen Colbert was robbed, but I thought that he and John Stewart stole the show when they presented. Unless you think Hugh Laurie was funnier, which for me was a toss-up. The tribute to Aaron Spelling was nice, but of course I was left with the heebie-jeebies when they kept panning to Tori Spelling, and I thought about the money issues and gross. It sucks when there's so much emphasis on finances that it muddies everything else to the point where you don't know how the person feels about losing a parent, and the whole death/inheritence/public mourning thing in the biz feels dirty to me.

I can see it

I just had no idea those two are engaged. Strange. Yet very cute:

(That's Sacha Baron Cohen--even though I only really know him as Ali G, and Isla Fisher--of Wedding Crashers)

I am too cool for school

I just had a brilliant idea.

Anna's, Hollywood Express, and then the COUCH.

ALL NIGHT LONG.

One Skein Pal Revealed

I completely forgot to update about my One Skein Pal!

OMG, I'm a terrible person.

Anyway, my secret pal...My...Well, not so secret anymore pal, was superfantastic (and now I finally have an...Illicit copy of darts of pleasure, so I finally get that reference, even though super-fantastic is something I've said since I was little). Anyway.

So my secret pal. She lives SO CLOSE TO ME. Like...I can probably see her house (apartment?) from here. My last package was really great. Alisa was telling me that there was no way someone made the crochet-ed yarn bag. That it had to have been store bought (which makes me reconsider the quality of my own craftwork...*raises eyebrow*). ******Sorry, if that wasn't clear -- that means it was so well made; hand made -- that it looked store bought. because it was so good. Just to be clear. I will post a picture as soon as I get new batteries for the camera. There were also two beautiful skeins of yarn in the package that...Well I don't know what I'm going to do with them, yet but, you know, SOMETHING. Wow. Just wow.

So thank you so much, Cathy!

That was so terrible I think it gave me cancer

Remember my confession about Phil Hoffman? Well, I have another embarrassing celebrity crush, but I think I've talked to people about this one*.

I was watching Blazing Saddles tonight. It reminds me of Ian. And that song..."You couldn't make a Mel Brooks movie today; I saw Blazing Saddles yesterday." (Politically Correct by SR-71). Also? That I am completely head over heels in love with Gene Wilder. I mean...He's not a very attractive man anymore, now that he's seventy-three -- and to be completely frank, he was never quite the hottie of the comedy world. Still? My heart melts whenever I see him. He's such a sweetheart, and any man who plays the fox in the Little Prince is automatically beautiful in my mind. I feel like I could really, actually love this man. I don't know what he's like in real life, but his screen presence in all of his movies makes me swoon over and over again. Plus, he's got stunningly blue eyes:

I also forgot to slip this in earlier, but Jen and I were discussing trying to get tickets to see Keane, but they were expensive as all hell, and were waaaaaaaaay in the back of the BofA Pavilion. Shit.

I was kind of laughing at Jen, though, because she left me this message: the keane tour got canceled because the lead singer is in rehab! woo hoo!

Only my friends and I would rejoice in someone's rehab. And not because we were happy they were being rehabilitated.

*(Como que I think I've talked to people about this? I just told Laura this story:

I was, unfortunately, up until 2 in the AM.
what this time?
Gene Wilder and his compelling memoir
only you
Haha - the sick thing is that this goes sooo far back it's not even funny
like to the beginning of time when he was born?
Lol, in high school, my Spanish teacher rented the Little Prince for me (because he plays the fox) . I mean, we had read El Principito in class that year, but the movie was in English. And we watched it on a free day. And she never did it again, so she wasn't joking when she told me it was just for me.

So who am I kidding? Psh...Think I've told people. Sheesh.)

Look me in the heart and un-break broken, it won't happen

Roddick VS Pong

Not the most addictive thing I've ever played on teh Internets, but close to.

So, I bought my last pack of cloves this week. It's just like my last last pack of cloves, except I'm hoping this one will get me through Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close , and then it will be my last pack ever for real since no one will be here to suggest going out on the balcony anymore (but don't ask me how that logic works, since it technically doesn't).

Juny is heading back out to PA for school tomorrow, so tonight is her last night here in Boston. We're going to the Slightly Larger than Average Room tonight for a proper send-off. We're such yuppies.

[Currently Spinning: Tegan and Sara - Where Does The Good Go?]

I'm Definitely Still In The Game

I lost my job in March. Do you know that means I was only unemployed for a total of about four months? And that during those four months, I temped at an architecture firm for five weeks?

You know how when a situation is behind you, you can remember how utterly horrifying, embarrassing, sad, and depressing it was, but you gain a fresh perspective that can make you feel like it wasn't that bad?

Yeah. I'm not there yet. I remember the sucks of being unemployed. I remember the feeling of worthlessness, and I remember the embarrassment, and I remember the depression. I'm still getting over it. But I was looking through some of my posts from back then, and while it's definitely been a long, difficult journey, and some of it has made me feel like I may have really hit rock bottom this time, I'm still pretty happy with the way it's turning out.

I've become my own person because of the adversity, not in spite of it, and I'm lucky. It could always be worse. Even though I haven't gotten to choose all of the cards I've been dealt lately, I think I'm playing a pretty good hand so far.

College Freshman Mindest: Make Friends Old Enough to Buy Booze.

Beliot College's new mindset list for the class of 2010 is WAY OFF. Take this list and compare it to "our" year (2005ers), where the only one I have a real problem with is number 39. The 2010 list is riddled with blatant assumptions and blanket statements that all 2010ers don't seem to know anything about history. They have rarely ever mailed anything using a stamp? What?! Yes, most of their correspondence is through email...But there are different better ways to say that. And number 37: Brides have always worn white to a first, second and third wedding. Yeah. I get it. People in this generation are completely without morals. Anyway. Peruse for yourself, and see if you get worked up like I did.

You might not. Remember: I'm a piping hot giant bowl of crazy.

That was the worst thing I ever put in my mouth*

*and other awkward things you probably shouldn't say to your co-workers.

There was so much to type while I was busybusybusy at work today, and now it all wants to escape. I have some down time before yoga, though, so I thought I'd get it all out before my caffeine buzz wears off.

------------

Erm, scratch that -- went to yoga, then ran a few miles, and then had dinner. What happened was I ended up taking a phone call and talking to Laura instead of blogging, so you get me now at 10, instead of 5. I also quickly want to say that actually laughing out loud at work is only okay when most of the office is gone -- thank God for that.

So, anyway. Yesterday felt like several days.

I worked late, but between two and four-thirty didn't have anything to do. It was awkward, and kind of a bummer because I had to work late, but not long enough to get any overtime. Anything between thirty-seven and a half and forty-five hours in a week is a wash, actually. So I was riding the T pretty late, and it was kind of empty, and for some reason, I started thinking about New York. and my grandma. And sometimes I still get profoundly sad about losing her, and all these things remind me of her. I mean, it could be anything, but things that are inextrinkably linked to my grandma are New York, the subway; especially when I'm looking over the barrier, certain songs, morning glories, roses, and mangos. Yesterday, it was the subway. It kept crashing over me like waves. The feeling of loss, the emptiness, the tears. I couldn't keep it together the whole time, so I was grateful for the relatively empty train. I mean, when I was riding back to the apartment in New York from work (all the way from Trinity Church to 91st Street, y'all), I was sobbing, and hugging myself and bending over (And still - I couldn't get a seat. That's New York for you. Too many crazies for anyone to notice that I was in complete grief and maybe offer me their seat), and basically having a fit to be tied. All of that emotion crashed over me last night for a few stops. I let it. Sometimes I need to let the grief embrace me so that I don't need to go looking for it. I can be happy when I think of her if I allow myself to be sad for myself occasionally, I guess.

Anyway, I was fine once I was above ground. I felt silly, even. But through all of that, I forgot about getting off at Porter instead to pick up my dry cleaning, so I had to walk from Davis to Porter. I decided to call Ben. I knew he was leaving for Japan in a matter of weeks, and the voicemail I left seemed appropriate because it's Ben, but I implied that he should probably call me back before he leaves the country [in what, to me, was still "the unknown near future"]. Why this was funny was waiting for me at home: a facebook message telling me that he was actually leaving on Saturday (!) If that's not fate, I don't know what is.

So I talked to Ben for a bit. It's funny, because I think he'll be more accessible now that the blog is set up, and now that he's got a computer :) but I'm going to miss him just the same. Aside from Alisa, I'm mostly out of local friends with whom sitting around doing nothing is considered the most awesome weekend, ever.

Today was just batshit insane. Oh, no wait, it started yesterday. With the t-shirt fiasco, which quickly turned into the t-shirt joke of 2006. Haha. No really, guys. It's actually funny. I swear. Haaaa. See? See, we turned it into fun by having a t-shirt design war. During work. I mean. On our own time. This was the winner, by the way, designed by Laura:



If I can get permission, I'll post what I wish were going to be WILG's rush t-shirt. Seriously. My friends are too freakin' hilarious to handle. I also wish it didn't cost $200 to get any reasonable amount of t-shirts printed.

I'm very excited about tomorrow. I get to fill out health insurance forms and pick the stock options or whatever for my 401K (that's pronounced four-oh-wunk, right?) -- hooray!

I hope it works

Gah. I took it down because the DAMN javascript was being pissy and not letting me load my page.

More trouble than it was worth.

Gar.

(but if you had bloglines, it's still published there...if you don't -- all the more reason to get it!)

Jessica is all kinds of awesome

She emailed me a link to this today:

Set List From Snow Patrol's Boston Show

Because someone on the Snow Patrol forum was kind enough to post this for me, even though most of you probably don't care, but this is my blog and I post what I want to muahahaha:

Spitting Games
WOW
Chocolate
Beginning To Get To Me
Headlights
Grazed Knees
Chasing Cars
Shut Your Eyes
How To Be Dead
Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking
Make This Go On Forever
Ways And Means
Run
You're All I Have
----------
Open Your Eyes
Tiny Little Fractures

Penguins...with Guns!

I leave you with this photo-narrative to demonstrate the danger of penguins with guns:

Me & Emma

I just finished reading a book called Me & Emma, and like most books that I pick up and buy for no good reason, I don't know how to feel about this one yet.

See, it has a twist ending that I think I should have picked up on earlier. It's not exactly a brilliant twist, and it makes me think that if I were "smarter" about these things I would have known how the book would end just from the blurb on the back cover.

You know...I set my alarm clock ten minutes ahead. And while I know it, and am completely conscious of it at all times, it still "tricks" me. I mean, I let it. I do it with movies, too.

I don't know if I enjoy it, though. I like feeling "smart," but I also like being entertained. And so I don't know how I feel about being tricked.

Pandora

I've been over at pandora a lot lately, trying to find new music. I don't know what it is, but I get really comfortable with bands and songs and then don't bother to venture outside of them. Then they get stale because I listen to them too often (Motion City Soundtrack? Anything by Franz Ferdinand?), and by the time I'm in a rut, I'm not prepared for something new. I'm trying to nip that in the bud, but the problem is how long it takes me to get used to new things. Some of my favorite songs end up being ones I hated when I first bought some album and listened to it straight through.

Anyway, my point -- (get to it, already). Well, my point is kind of funny. The bands being recommended to me aren't all new, which is...irritating. It means I haven't figured out how to use this site. See, I started a Dandy Warhols station. Then, they played one of my all time favorite songs by Stars. I was like, "Oh, cool. Dandy Warhols --> Stars...let's add Stars to the station and see what kind of music we get." So then I start listening to the Smashing Pumpkins. So...yeah, it wasn't working like I wanted it to.

Still, it's very awesome. I recommend it. I found a few new bands on my Snow Patrol station, and I'm trying Keane now.

----------

EDIT
I've come full circle; my Dandy Warhols/Stars station just recommended Snow Patrol

*emo tear* for the end of SYTYCD Season 2

Ohmigod Teresa is right. Here it is, Thursday afternoon and I still have not updated about SYTYCD.

And about how Benji won.

And how he cried, and so did his dad.

And how I want to marry him and have lots of his babies.

Travis, maybe, was the "better dancer," (by whose standards? Not mine. But that's what everyone seems to say) but his attitude wasn't always as good as Benji's. He has an arrogance that is backed up with talent, but next to Benji's shining, wonderful personality, Travis looked like a wee *teensy* bit of a jerk. I do hope Mia offers him a job, though. I despise Mia as a TV personality, but she's a great coreograhpher, and she couldn't get enough of Travis, it seems. And in the end, I really think that based purely on talent, Allison should have won.

Not that I'm not happy Benji won! He will do amazing things with the prize money. And he's not really suited to Celine Dion's show (apparently the winner "won" an audition. I feel gypped. And lied to), so I'm glad he's considering not taking it.

Evidently, Lacey Schwimmer will be auditioning next season. She's been maintaining Benji's myspace while he's been on Fox, so I feel like I know her -- I hope she makes it!

And in case this is the sort of thing you find interesting, there have been pictures of Travis in drag all over teh Internets...But I found most of them on a blog through Technorati.

Except when it's not

My to do list as of July 24th should be updated to read:

1. Get job
2. Organize sock drawer

I'm kind of flexible on number two (haa. I said number two).

Okay, people. Even though I want to make a very important point - that this blog is about the love^TM - I'm going to start with gripe that, to the naked eye, might prove otherwise. Ready?

I try to extend people the same courtesy that I would expect for myself [from them]. I don't always succeed, because like most Americans people, I'm pretty self-absorbed and half the time I walk around like I'm entitled to more politeness than the people around me, even though I've done nothing to deserve it. So fine, sometimes people are jerks, and...well, everyone deserves a by - I get them all the time. I don't always get butt-flaming pissed when someone does something really rude anymore, either, and I think I've gotten my temper and how I handle situations to a good place. Sometimes it becomes Too Much, though, and I have to rant here, or call someone a bitch on the T. This morning, I sat next to a woman on the train. She was reading her copy of the Metro, and I was reading mine, and everything was peachy for four stops. Things didn't go to shit until Kendall/MIT, when she stopped folding her paper and started getting all up in my space to read it, probably assuming I'd move to another open seat, now that the train was emptying. I let it go, because I was already halfway to my destination and all the open seats were in between occupied ones, anyway. Unfortunately, at Charles MGH, the train was stopped for a while longer than usual, and as more time passed, I was becoming ever so slightly more annoyed. I stopped doing my crossword puzzle to change the song on my ipod, and i dropped my paper onto my lap, which would fall under the category of "in my space", and it fell onto her paper. I did do this to be rude, but also because I wasn't visibly annoyed yet, so it could have been an honest "mistake," and maybe she didn't realize, and this would clue her in. She was onto me, though, and she shook my paper off onto my lap and proceeded to keep reading in my space, taking up more now that it was "on." After Park Street, there were a million open seats, so when the whole row across from us was open, I decided to let her "win" and move, because she was clearly on a mission to be This Morning's Biggest Bitch. I didn't move before informing her that she was a bitch, though. She was unfazed, but hopefully karma will catch up with her and she'll fall on her face sometime today, or get hit by a car, or get shit on by twelve pigeons. All at once. Granted, this rant comes after a string of equally self-centered mbta riders this week who have taken advantage of the way I obviously and with great purpose try to only take up the space within my designated seat area. Throwing your legs apart, fully opening a newspaper, sticking your elbows out...just generally feeling entitled to more space than your seat and a small buffer around you, all make you an asshole. There. I said it.

Moving on, I checked my survey count for the past two months, and it's two. Three if you count the one I took down because my feelings were hurt. Hurt is the wrong word, but it's the closest one I can come up with at the moment. Now, here's where I say this blog is about the love^TM -- Except when it's not. Rants, gripes, commiseration; all pertaining to topic, or even slightly off topic...and hell, even COMPLETELY off topic, are all appreciated by yours truly, and yes. Mostly if they're not about me. Sorry. Comments of the negative strain are less appreciated because no one likes to be bitched at. Fortunately, I haven't actually gotten any of those nasty comments here on blogger, but I remember a few times on d-land where people thought it was okay to come into your space on teh Internets and call you all sorts of awful names for having any opinion at all. That's not what this blog is about (and if I really sit and think about it, I can't imagine how my other blogs were opinionated, either...but I digress). What I choose not to publish here is my business. Sometimes life becomes...very complicated. Sad. Confusing. Boring. Any of these things can cause a dryspell in the update because I've learned not to share everything with y'all all the time, especially when the topics make me cry and I don't want to hear "constructive criticism," and unless it's explicitly solicited, it's usually interpreted as "I know more than you do, and I'm right and you're wrong, and you suck." Even if you're trying to help.

That said, what I DO choose to publish here is also my business. If I wanted to post daily images of Stuff on my Cat, I could do that (*my own point starts to dawn on me. I start to feel stupid*). If I wanted to post a daily survey or meme, I could. And I do consciously try not to post them too frequently. But, you know? Surveys are the opiate of the blog-masses. Especially on myspace which I refuse to utilize for that purpose for some reason, but it's where I borrow a lot of these surveys from. And then my [cool] friends [with blogs] do them, too, and I feel vindicated.

I mean, I don't want to lose readership. Especially of friends. But for some reason, the comment area seems like a more valid forum to say, "Hey, what's up with all the surveys lately? Tell us about your life!" (Which, PS, is the polite way to say "maybe you should stop with the online quizzes"). But instead of filling you in on the torrid backstage happenings of the blog, I'll stop there. The moral is: do not talk about fight club. This blog is a place to keep in touch with me, fine. But blog stuff stays on the blog. Or gets toned down from "up in my grill for no reason" to "pleasant inquiry from a friend." Capisce?

So, from now on, this blog will be all about the love^TM. Okay?

if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out

The concert last night was amazing. Not just Snow Patrol, who put on a PHENOMENAL show, but also the opening band - Aberdeen City. The lead singer [Brad Parker] was a hottie, as was the lead guitarist [Chris McLaughlin, I think]. The sound was just what you'd expect for a Snow Patrol opener, and I plan on buying a CD in the near future. The funny thing about the opening act was that Chris was acting like he was completely smashed. He was drinking from a Boston Lager bottle, and he was stumbling all over the place, he knocked over the mic, and he threw stuff at the drummer a few times. After the show, though, he walked to the front of the stage where he was talking to someone he knew, and it was obvious that he was almost stone cold sober. I thought it was a funny act to put on, but maybe his guitar playing is like my dancing.

He was quite the hottie, though...

When Snow Patrol came on the stage, the first two rows jumped up and went to the railing. Of course, I followed suit, but I got a spot on the side of the stage, so I didn't catch any picks or drumsticks. Instead, I got a gorgeous view of Paul Wilson, which is somewhat of a compromise:

The theme of the evening was pants. Or trousers, as Gary [Lightbody. Of Snow Patrol] calls them (because he's Irish). The lead singer from Aberdeen City [Brad] said, "Wow. I didn't know there were going to be so many people here so early. I would have worn tighter pants."

Then Gary mentioned how they'd been on Newbury Street earlier that day to buy him some trousers for the show that night. "These," he said, and pointed at the seat of his pants, and then he commented on how tight they were, and that Boston (squeee) was the place to get trousers. I laughed. I wondered if they'd been listening to Aberdeen.

Look at those pants!!!

All in all, it was probably one of the best experiences of my life. Earnestly. I'm more than a little bit in love with this band (also? I knew ALL of the songs. That's actually never happened to me at a concert before. It probably helped that they only used repertoire from their US released CDs, but still. I win). I can't thank you enough, Ben. I only wish someone had been here to use that extra ticket.

Cry Me A River

I'm taking a quick "break" to update, because I really wanted to, even though I can't remember what I wanted to say.

I went to yoga tonight. It completely kicked my ass. Seriously. It hurt and it was hard, and by the end, all of my muscles were shaking so badly I could barely do the balancing poses. It was awesome. Someone said something disparaging the other day about "needing" a class to get yourself to a gym, but I don't think that's it at all. This same person did cross country in high school and I doubt that they would have gone running by themselves, actually, because they hated running. They loved how they felt afterwards, but the motivation was joining the team. I can go to the gym by myself, and do the elliptical and lift some weights, and it gets stale and boring. The best thing about yoga is that when class is over, I jump on an elliptical and kick it's ass. I just get...Happy and exhilarated and sometimes a little angry and it gives me the push that I need. So there's nothing wrong with preferring to work your schedule around a class because you know it will make your work out better, and if someone wants to interpret that as "needing" the class to get me to the gym, then, well, you know. Whatever. Today was awesome.

I had a similar thought recently about "needing" to be in a relationship. And I know that "needing" to be in one is unhealthy. I do. And I don't know if I've reached a healthy place in my life about all of that yet (well, honest to God? I know I haven't), but I did realize that there's nothing wrong with wanting to find someone to be with - eventually. I know I want a husband and family. Someday. I just need to not let that pressure me into thinking any particular way now.

Okay, msn radio totally pissed me off, promising Gnarls Barkley, but playing Justin Timberlake instead, after the commercial. Bastards. (P.S. -- Justin Timberlake is way better off...Britney Spears?! WHAT was he thinking?!)

So, I'm at work now, definitely trying to get some work done, but I just wanted to update about yoga, and not fling my computer out the window.

Alison Krauss - Forget About It

Forget about it
I'm admittin' I was wrong
And I'll just take what's mine
And walk right out the door
Forget about it
I'll split and I'll be gone
And you'll have memories
You'll find hard to ignore
'Cause after all
I see you sometime
Maybe when I can't recall
How you drove me crazier
Forget about it
When forever's over
I won't remember how much
I loved you anymore
Forget about it
Put me out of your head
Now that you're free and easy
Out there on the town
Forget about it
When you're lying in bed just wishing
I was there to lay you down

'Cause after all
I see you sometime maybe
When you will recall
How I drove you crazier
Forget about those stars in your eyes
Laying by the fireside
Holding you tight
I can't remember when I felt so right
So just forget about it

Forget about it
When you see me on the street
Don't wink, don't wave
Don't try to tease me with your smile
Forget about it
If we chance to meet somewhere
Don't think it's cause I'm trying to reconcile

'Cause after all
I see you sometime maybe
When I can't recall
How you drove me crazier
Forget about those stars in your eyes
Laying by the fireside
Holding you tight
I can't remember when I felt so right
So just forget about it

Potpourri

Wow, I have not had the energy or time to post, and while a lot has happened, most people who read this were there for some of it, so that just made me even more lax on the update. I'll try to make this entry easy to skim, since it will be long.

Lesley and Steve's wedding:

The wedding itself was beautiful. I cried so many times, but I suppose that isn't a shocker since I started crying when I opened the program before the ceremony started. The bridesmaids were all beautiful, but particularly Lauren, Margaret and Lindy. And, well, the groomsmen, too -- and one in particular.

Anyway, I can't even begin to describe the ceremony, but suffice it to say, it was beautiful, and I can only hope for such a perfect wedding, myself. But since I can't do the wedding justice, I'll just have to spend some time talking about my friends. See, I started my new job the day after the wedding, so I was particularly sober for all of this, which made it so much more hilarious (Laura also angles that it was hilarious to watch me dance because evidently I was dancing like I was drunk (like a spaz?), but I swear I was very sober for that portion of the evening). Anyway, I danced with the sweetest guy ever (nothing came of it), but the real fun was in Alisa and Jess' corners.

There's this friend of Steve's named Ted, who Lesley keeps trying to set up with Alisa because he runs and likes Family Guy -- two things Alisa also really enjoys. But Alisa claimed that she wasn't really that into him, and was somewhat indignant (she is Alisa after all) that "all they have in common is Family Guy and running," and besides, he got a Family Guy quote wrong once at Trivia night. So towards the middle of the evening, we came across Ted by the bar, where he was wowing how his gin and tonic didn't taste much like tonic, and we all tried it. Alisa knew who he was because she mentioned the running and Family Guy, and disparaged him a bit for getting that quote wrong, and they talked for a while. We mentioned that Alisa had learned how to booty pop, and he said that the DJ was going to play Gold Digger for them, so she should go and show him her popping skills. After he left, Laura and I mentioned "Ted," and Alisa asked, "Who's Ted???" They did end up dancing with each other, but Ted has DADD or something (Drunken Attention Deficit Disorder), and that was sort of that (which is kind of how mine ended up, too. Sad boys.)

Jessica disappeared for a good portion of the evening with a guy named Gordon. His last name escapes me, and while I wouldn't post it on this blog, anyway, the reason it's important is because we kept calling him "Gordon Fisherman, you know, like the fishsticks." (We're good people) Jessica got the most action, since she "kissed him for, like, five seconds." Oy, these boys!

Red Sox Game

I got to see a pretty exciting game yesterday. Karissa and Mark were also recently married, and they had a small reception at the MIT boathouse for their Boston-based friends, and then they took us to see the Red Sox play Baltimore. It was a pretty good game (esp. when we won). I'm pretty indifferent to the first four innings, in general, and that was true yesterday, but I was pretty jazzed by the end (and we got to sing Sweet Caroline, so the day was complete).

The only problem was the woman sitting behind us. She was very pro breast-feeding, and belongs to an organization that promotes it. My only experience with this has been on the blogosphere with women who wanted to breast feed but couldn't, and were harassed by women like this. And I mean, hell...Even if you didn't want to breast feed...It's your decision. In my own personal opinion, it's so much less worse than this kid we saw who ate his own bagel, then proceeded to get his morning milk from mom, but you know? My business is no one else's and I try to extend the same courtesy (even though I was judging that woman with all my ability to judge).

Once she and her snot-nosed little rugrats left, the game was much more pleasant, but the kids were everywhere that day. On the way home, we saw this kid who would not stop asking questions! He seemed incredibly smart and precocious, but I couldn't hold it together at one point, and just started laughing at him. His dad seemed slightly tired of the questions, and I felt badly for him, but man -- it was too funny. Then, Alisa and I saw this guy totally staring at his fingers and both of us turned to each other and went, "I know they're called fingers but I've never seen them fing...Oh no wait...There they go." Then we both had to consciously keep from staring at our hands -- or laugh.

Other Stuff

This library plan I'm working on is in Swedish...So I'm freaking out a little bit. I mean, metric is hard enough, but Swedish?! It's kind of awesome, and kind of intimidating.

I bought (a) ticket to see Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins on Oct. 9th. Go me. Being all...Independent and shit. I can't think of anyone who would go with me, so I just bought a ticket. This show is two days after the SYTYCD live tour - which I am going to with friends (double yay).

That's about all I can think of. This isn't severely long, I guess...But that's all I've got to say for now.

Another Knitting Celebrity

Dr. Zoidberg

Is it time to switch to tea yet?

I figured out a workout schedule that will accommodate my TV shows, but it requires going to group classes at the Club Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6:45 in the A.M. This sounds awful, but I think I can do it. I think...

Today was gorgeous -- not too hot, even on the chilly side in the morning -- so I ate lunch outside with the other interns. On Fridays, the young'uns in the office get together for lunch, which is just one of the social perks I missed last year.

I'm still meeting people, and it's so awkward (I'm so awkward)...but there are some really nice folk here. I could get used to it.

Well, I was going to super-update, but it's happy hour, and the bar is calling...or so says the little "[beer]" "smiley" on my Instant-T messenger thingy. I'm with Juny, someone should run around the office screaming "Happy Hour!!!"

Laura is Right

I copped out on that 5 people thing. The real list?

Laura
JessicaTeresaLisa
Peter

In that order, approximately (notice the tie for 2nd).

Second tier friends?

It doesn't mean I don't miss you, just that Laura wanted to put you in your place ;)

I Feel Like One, Too

I am dressed like a total douche today.

Really. What was I thinking? Unflattering shirt? Poorly tailored pants from high school? Winter shoes?

GAH!

"PAX: Public Access Christ!"

I just needed a placeholder for these, because I haven't had time to update about my awesome weekend.

I went out on Friday with Margaret, Lauren, Jessica and Laura. We went to the Big Sleazy, and danced, and I did my body weight in shots. We all did. The highlights of the evening (and, shit, there were a lot of them):

Dancing up on stage -- I would not get off that stage.

This guy bought a drink, and handed it to me. Laura was going to take it away from me, but before she had the opportunity, I pointed to it and told Laura, "There are ROOFIES in here."

When we left, Margaret and I were clearly...very drunk - to put it mildly. These guys tried to take us home, and Laura said, "No, I think they're good." When we rejected them, they said we were "lesbians." That's when I flipped out. I turned around and screamed, "I know guys who are WAY hotter than you who DON'T think I'm a lesbian! I don't need this!"

I asked Laura for a pen so I could get the bartender's phone number (he was wearing a Ramones T-shirt!!!), but all she had was lip gloss. She was busy doing damage control over on Margaret's end, so I ran off. I came back with a napkin with about four streaks of lip gloss on it. Laura thinks I got to the bar, found a napkin, and then forgot what I was doing. I think I probably got his number. We'll never really know :)

He's not the only guy who got away that night. Apparently, I wanted to give my digits to this guy we saw on the cab ride home. Pizza crust boy, we called him.

I'm sure there was more, but I don't know what it was. Honestly, most of these stories are third person. I remember dancing up on stage, and I do remember wanting to dance with some girls (and also trying to convince this other girl to come up and dance with us, but that had less skanky vibes). Laura had to fill me in the next day, and believe me -- there are at least two more stories I don't need out on the Internet. This is kind of like the weekend I "celebrated" losing my job. Where the stories all came out one by one, as I mentioned things I kept mentioning while inebriated.

Maybe there's more where that came from, maybe not. I mean, it's all a matter of whether or not I have time. But my friends and I? We're funny when we've had a few. I will definitely tell y'all about Alisa at the wedding some time - coz that was funny (and I was sober).

Vote for Benji! DO IT!!!

Lesley Married Mr. Lesley Today!

Highly Addictive Game

Click and hold the pixie to start, Try to avoid the moving bars without touching the walls. See how long can you survive... CAUTION: HIGHLY ADDICTIVE

five

5 Things always in my purse:
cell phone
keys
wallet
condoms...erm, I mean gum
ipod

5 Things always in my wallet:
driver's licence
credit cards
subway pass
woolcott & co. discount card
movie stubs

5 Things always in my refrigerator:
milk
polaroid film
beer
nailpolish
eggs

5 Things always in my closet:
blazers
skirts
button-up shirts
shoes
dresses

5 Things always in my car:
I take the subway

5 Things always on my desk:
my laptop
a framed photo or two
some tchotchke or another
post-it notes
mouse pad

5 people I wish I still hung out with:
high school folk
charlie
team awesome
jen from Austin Arch.
some architecture folk

5 pieces of clothing I can't live without:
tank tops from the Gap
Skirts!
tshirts for underneath sweaters/blazers
blazers/sweaters
my 3/4 sleeve dress

5 sentimental things I'll never throw away:
nearly anything my grandma gave me
photos from high school
anything in "the box" or "the box II: the sequel"
movie stubs from half of my relationships (the other half were ceremonially tossed or lit on fire)
three of the CDs in my collection: both Savage Garden CDs, and Thirteen Tales From Urban Bohemia (Dandy Warhols).

5 phone numbers I have memorized:
my parent's house
mom's cell
dad's cell
the o'brien's home number
ben's cell

5 songs I'll love forever:
Alison Krauss - Baby, Now That I've Found You
Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo (tee hee)
The Beach Boys - Kokomo
Motion City Soundtrack - Lgfuad
How Do You Tell Someone - Cowboy Mouth

5 places I have fond memories of:
Cambridge Common (the common, not the bar)
Harvard Yard
The Charles River
Boston Common
Album Park

5 terrible things I've done:
Made people feel badly about themselves
Gotten so angry that I actually felt hatred seeping through me
Pined for boys
Begged for [no name] to come back
Gotten so drunk that I blacked out within the span of one movie

5 scents that bring back the memories:
Old Spice Deodorant (...this was already there, but I believe it's apt)
the scent of my pillows from Pier One.
the air in the autumn
my lucky brand perfume
my rose kimono body spray

5 things I have hanging on the wall:
Paris/Eiffel Tower posters (yep,plural)
Pictures of "pink things" (martini glasses, valentine's box, and some macro shots of all things pink)
My dogs print
The NYTimes+red apple framed photo
Celtic cross

5 things I'll never regret:
Leaving home
most of my DVD purchases
those really expensive shoes (which ones?)
Speaking my mind to college boyfriend's mom in what would be my last hurrah in that relationship

5 knitting projects on the needles:
PofA Scarf (Gryffindor style)
Feather and fan stole
Dutch scarf
Scarf for my dad
frostflowers shawl (soon to be frogged, I believe)

Always a scarf behind

The Prisoner of Azkaban scarf is growing at an alarming rate. This isn't atypical when you start an endless garter stitch project, because you can still observe growth. Once it's four feet long, five feet long...nearly six feet long...it starts to look like it's not growing at all. Hopefully I can complete this scarf before I reach my breaking point. Before the scarf starts to look like it's never going to grow. I'm not quite that bored with this scarf yet. It's growing, it's kind of fun, the yarn is nice. I'm not about to poke my eyes out. But I do have to admit something. While I sit here, slaving away to complete this scarf, I dream of the other scarf. The Goblet of Fire scarf. You know the one. The one that practically broke my spine when I tried to twist every which way to see it in the movie (it was tough, there were only a few scenes with the scarf). I found an image (the one on the right) on the WB website. This is their cheapy version (No matter how much I tried to be jealous of the store bought scarves when we went to see Goblet of Fire, I was very proud of my handiwork on the old scarf. I think the hand knit ones always look more real than the store bought kind, which makes a special sort of sense, right?). Coupled with the lone still on the webernet, and the DVD, I think I can reproduce this scarf. The pattern may even be on atypically.knit someday. But until then, or until I can come up with my own pattern, I have to finish the PofA scarf, anyway. And while she's doing miles upon miles of garter stitch, a girl can dream, can't she?

Negative Feedback

How dare I demand common decency from people. I mean, really. What was I thinking?

Was I thinking that I paid $90 for someone to ship me 3 DVDs Priority mail before July 26th? And was I thinking that when August 1st rolled around, asking questions shouldn't have prompted a cancellation of the transaction with a refund (getting a refund is the sucks if you haven't asked for one)?

Maybe. Maybe I was thinking all that. Maybe I was just wondering if my DVDs were on the way because I was excited, and a little frustrated because I'd paid so much when I'd expected to pay around $28 for one DVD

The seller has agreed to the following:
Order to Ship By: 07/26/06
Shipping Method: Media Mail
Estimated Date of Arrival: 08/01/06 to 08/11/06
Orders shipped via Media Mail typically take between 4 to 8 days to arrive. In some instances, Media Mail shipments will take as long as 12 days to arrive.

Then? This morning I woke up to a response of "If you give me negative feedback, I'll leave you negative feedback."

I was like....what? OF COURSE YOU WOULD, YOU RETARD. What motivation would you possibly have to leave me positive feedback after this? Surely, my reaction to your being a COMPLETE WASTE OF OXYGEN would warrant a negative experience on your part. Really? Negative experience? I thought I was being really sweet to you. Oh, no, Wait. That was someone you didn't completely fuck over recently.

And yeah, I aggravated the situation by sending two emails this morning to that effect (although I thought the one where I didn't write "DUH" was actually kind of diplomatic:

I just don't understand where the problem occurred. See, you didn't ship them within the alloted time frame, you didn't tell me what was going on, you were rude, and then you refunded my money without telling me all of this when all I did was ask you, with only a modicum of politeness maybe, where my DVDs were (because maybe I was frustrated with the length of time it was taking them to get here).

You are a horrible human being.

Hey -- I plan on leaving negative feedback. And if he is, too, I want to deserve it. But really. I was doing okay before the "horrible human being" part, right?

Ugh. I hope he steps off a curb and gets hit by a semi-truck today.

That would be a Table-top system.

Peter: if i did start a business would you come work for me?
Peter: cause having someone who actually knows architecture would help the system a lot; adding a sense of realism to it
Peter: plus i'd be your boss!
Briar: could i do it on a contract basis?
Peter: sure, you could make some extra money in your spare time
Briar: would we have a mini-fridge?
Peter: no
Peter: it would be full size
Briar: SWEET
----------
And also, just because: here is Mel Gibson's formal apology to the Jewish community. I talked to a few of you about this incident (with horror), and so I thought this was the best place to put this (found at PR. Differently).

August 2, 2006 -- There is no excuse, nor should there be any tolerance, for anyone who thinks or expresses any kind of Anti-Semitic remark. I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for the vitriolic and harmful words that I said to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested on a DUI charge.

I am a public person, and when I say something, either articulated and thought out, or blurted out in a moment of insanity, my words carry weight in the public arena. As a result, I must assume personal responsibility for my words and apologize directly to those who have been hurt and offended by those words.

The tenets of what I profess to believe necessitate that I exercise charity and tolerance as a way of life. Every human being is God’s child, and if I wish to honor my God I have to honor his children. But please know from my heart that I am not an anti-Semite. I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith.

I’m not just asking for forgiveness. I would like to take it one step further, and meet with leaders in the Jewish community, with whom I can have a one on one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing.

I have begun an ongoing program of recovery and what I am now realizing is that I cannot do it alone. I am in the process of understanding where those vicious words came from during that drunken display, and I am asking the Jewish community, whom I have personally offended, to help me on my journey through recovery. Again, I am reaching out to the Jewish community for its help. I know there will be many in that community who will want nothing to do with me, and that would be understandable. But I pray that that door is not forever closed.

This is not about a film. Nor is it about artistic license. This is about real life and recognizing the consequences hurtful words can have. It’s about existing in harmony in a world that seems to have gone mad.

I Don't Undrstand!!!

On July 23rd, I decided to buy three seasons of Futurama on DVD. I already have the first season, and I was just looking to buy Season 2, but I found a seller on half.com that would upgrade my order to free priority shipping if I bought three items from him.

So I spent $90 that I really don't have on DVDs that I really don't need, and I figured it was justified because wah, &tc.

Anyway, I've been expecting them for the past few days. And by expecting them, I mean Expecting Them. Sure, it's only been eight days, but the things were marked as shipped on the 24th or 25th, you know? Even if he took his sweet time shipping them, and lied, they should have been shipped last week, right?

So, I'm getting impatient, but I figured I'd contact him and see what the bloody deal was. I sent this correspondence:

I thought I got fee priority shipping for buying three items from you, but it seems to be taking a long time for this shipment to arrive. I only bought all three at once from you in the hopes that they would arrive quickly, since I didn't save very much money by doing this.

Did you by chance get delivery confirmation so I can track these items? Or do you know when they might get here?

I know, I know...that was actually kind of rude of me, right? It was in my tone? God, I can be such a bitch online sometimes. And really, even if it had been over the phone, I might have used the same tone. Sometimes, I'm really really sweet, but I end up feeling submissive and sometimes being sweet gets nothing done. I'm honestly about par with the whole being sweet/getting things done and being a bitch/getting things done, so really, what's the difference?

Well, this morning, instead of a response, I got an email from Half.com saying that my entire purchase has been refunded! Now, I know a person who sells loads of things on amazon.com, and he will refund an entire purchase rather than deal with a customer, but this guy has a computer bot that does all the work for him, and he's not actually shipping everything He sells things in the order of hundreds per week. The guy I bought these DVDs from does not have quite that sophisticated a setup, or he's very bad at it...because his amount of feedback doesn't correspond with someone who sells loads of stuff through bots. I just don't see it being easy to part with $90 for most people.

Did I miss something, though? Was I rude enough to warrant a cancellation of the whole transaction?

Why the fuck hasn't he shipped them yet? If he's willing to issue a full refund, then he can't possibly have sent them.

I just wanted a response. Even if it was as rude and snippy as mine. But instead, I got a refund, no response added.

Thanks, dude.

Now what am I supposed to do? Does this mean I don't get the DVDs after all? Becuause that's not how you avoid negative feedback you idiot. Plus, now I have to think about getting them again, blowing another $90 I don't have because now I feel like I already owned them...and just - GAH!
I wanted them while I was still free the whole live long day for chrissake!