22 September 2006

I prefer the bright floodlights of cynicism

Okay, here goes. If you haven't seen the Last Kiss -- SHAME ON YOU. But if you have, there's something I didn't write earlier because I saw it opening weekend and I thought it would actually be really mean to post this since maybe some people wouldn't have a chance to see it until this weekend.


So, you know how at the end of the movie, she finally lets Michael into the house? And you're left to imagine...Whatever you want about whether or not they get back together, and how happy they'd be?

Then, the song that they play over the credits is Joshua Radin's Star Mile. It's one of those things that I kept inside at the time. Like...Yeah, sure they'll be happy together. Yeah, I'm not a cynic. Yeah, I believe in "love." You know. Love, and the loch ness monster, and objectivism. And bigfoot.

The truth is, we believe what we need to believe to get on with our lives, or what we need to believe to wake up in the morning. In high school, when everyone thought I was...So hopeful and one of those people who truly believed in love, I was still the same bitter and cynical Briar underneath it all, even though I really did believe...In what, I have no clue, I just believed. And I really thought that if I believed strongly enough, it would be true (I pulled the same thing with Santa, okay? I was a delusional child. I was smart. I'd figured it out. But I sat there and lied to my mom -- to her face -- and told her I'd seen Santa, even though we both knew I was 110% full of shit. I was five, and we both stared at each other for a while, and that was the first time I figured out that my mom didn't really have all the answers, after all). I always believed that love, whatever it was at the time, would get me through all of the crap. LOVE? WHAT? Jesus. What was I thinking? LOVE? If romantic love is an ingredient in the recipe for happiness, then it's just in there for flavor. Love isn't what makes a relationship work, hard work is. I don't mean to take the romance out of it, it's just that at the end of the day, when you take away those really great, butterfly in the stomach feelings, you're left with something else -- something different -- and what you choose to do with that is what can make it real, or special. But there's always going to be temptation, frustration, and external factors beyond your control (like college boyfriend's horrible mother. Wait, did I say that out loud?). You can't rely on this intangible notion of some fairy-tale feeling to get you past all of that, unless you're both equally delusional (and I say this as someone who is very susceptible to delusion. VERY SUSCEPTIBLE).

And that was today's rant brought to you by my future as a bitter spinster. Yesterday, a cat tried to FORCE it's way into my apartment. It's like someone is telling me to just go ahead and embrace it now -- just to save myself years of lying to myself.

*I don't really feel this way. Completely. I feel this way today. Because today I am on a rampage. It's a "Best not get near me if I have a pencil in my hand, or it might find its way into your eye" kind of day.

**Oh, and I'm also just kidding about the shame on you thing. Really. I understand that people besides me actually have lives and don't need to go see Zach Braff's New Movie Right Now all the time.

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