Kind of Cool Music Generator Thing-y

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Letters of Love to my Subway Peeps

Dear Guy on the Subway this morning:

I did not mean to touch your leg while I was knitting my sock. The yarn had started pooling awkwardly, and you were sitting with your legs splayed all over the place - including in my space, and I only accidentally grazed your knee to remove the tangle from the working end. This was not an invitation to play footsies or continue to touch my knee with your knee, which you should have understood when I shifted two inches to the left to avoid you. I was not, as I guess you figured when you also shifted two inches to the left and continued to touch me, being coy, or flirty, or cute. The glare that you got when I had to stop knitting to stare at you incredulously should have tipped you off. Thank you for making my subway ride this morning as pleasant as the ones I used to have in New York.

P.S. - please also learn how to take showers, or at the very least, do your laundry. Faded jeans are both passe and unforgiving of what looked like a month's worth of dirt and pizza and coffee stains.

**********

MC with obsessive Knitter on the Red line last night:

Me, long brown hair, bedraggled look on my face, having trouble casting on a sock - You, more than happy to ask someone to move so you could help me out

You took the sock out of my hands and showed me how to knit in the round correctly, and we chatted about knitting until you got off at Harvard Square.

Please be my new friend. By comparison, I will seem far less crazy and obsessive about knitting to my friends.

And I would have stayed up with you all night

There has to be a better way than putting pinholes in my good sheets:

And, the scarf, she is blocking! w00t! Given that I broke my futon tonight by throwing myself on it, I can't decide whether to sleep like this, with the scarf pinned to my mattress next to me, or take my time getting to bed to avoid sleeping with my damp scarf. Well, the futon's not broken, but it's definitely...more..."delicate" now. What can I say? I've put on a little weight, okay?!

Now Listening: The Fray - How To Save A Life

My nice clothes are all black

It is a cruel fate that I work in a profession where I am expected to both dress nicely and work with white spray paint.

Also, there is no coffee, but are no less than four (count them: four) boxes of tea in the kitchen at work...ALL DECAF.

Who had $5 on the Trellis Scarf?

I finished the trellis scarf on Sunday. I had every intention of blocking it after work last night, but when I got home after midnight, I decided that it was more important to sleep than block a scarf (since the blocking gets done on my futon, and as much as I love lying in bed next to tens of dozens of blocking pins, I thought it best not to tempt fate).

I didn't write about finishing the scarf, but thought I would chronicle it, since it was kind of funny. It happened kind of like this:
me: I CAN'T STAND THIS SCARF ANYMORE!!!
jess: I'm starting a paper right now, sorry - can we chat later?
me: Oh - sorry!
*glares angrily at scarf with eye daggers and fire-breath for a few seconds because you! brought this on me by being so soft and pink and cotton candy like, but ceased to grow at any visible rate about five repeats prior* then:
me: So, I have a problem. I seem to only have enough yarn for one more repeat in this lace, but I still have two more repeats to go...
(lies, all lies - plenty of yarn was left. Oodles. I probably could have done three more repeats - four if I had wanted to live on the edge)
laura: well...
me: I mean, two inches shorter isn't a lot in the scheme of things, is it? Should I start the end border?
(two inches pre-blocking, that is, but I was trying to convince myself that I could end this dang-blasted thing once and for all, and I was starting to get desperate because of Laura's nanosecond of silence, trying to convince her myself that I should just end the scarf since I was getting no more enjoyment from it as a project)
laura: I think you can start the ending border.
me: sweet! That's all I needed to hear.

And so I finished the scarf...maybe a little earlier than planned. However, I'm not sad that I cast off early, and the second the ends were sewn in, I had to wear it. Now. This instant. I was going to be a good girl and wait until it was blocked, but, well, last night happened. So today, I donned it like an ascot. A wonky, several inches shorter than it should be, purl-side-all-a-mess asccot, with two ends that don't resemble each other in the slightest (the cast off edge didn't taper, for some reason). Pictures to follow - eventually - because I couldn't find my camera this morning.

But It's A Good Tired

Today, as I dripped blood on my way to the kitchenette, it occurred to me that with the right blade, you probably wouldn't even feel it if you slit your wrists. Provided you were quick enough, that is.

And then I laughed when I realized how morbid I was being and hoped that no one could read my mind while I was staring at the blood in the sink and wrapping a bandaid around my finger (and then posted it on my blog...).

I worked fifteen hours today. On one hand - ouch. On the other hand - overtime!

But now, without being able to tell you about my fifteen hour first day, I have to go to bed, because it's one in the morning and I'm so damn tired I can barely think.

Snuggle Puppy!

Today, in celebration of my starting a new job tomorrow, I bought myself this CD (on half.com, so I'll be listening to it soon!):

At least one of you might recognize this fantastic CD with a few of my favorite songs, The Philadelphia Chickens and Be Like A Duck (quack, quack - quack, quack!). I look forward to many sing alongs with my Philadelphia Chicken, who is sitting on top of my yarn shelf as we speak.

So, I promised I'd write about the awesomeness that was hosting Steve in my living room, and while I can't promise eloquence (I feel pretty dizzy right now, and other than smoking the crack, I can't explain my vertigo), I can promise accuracy:

Steve came over on Wednesday, and we were both kind of happy I was unemployed at the time (I would say Stevie more than me), because at least he had someone to come and play with. His activity suggestion: a Jackie Chan movie that prominently features Rotterdam. I proved to be a boring companion, until I suggested we go to Hollywood Express to rent the DVD, which at least got us out of the flat. The Davis Square video store didn't have a copy of the DVD, so we headed to the one in Porter Square. The day was nice, as was the walk, and then Steve left for MIT to [insert Steve's MIT activities here].

We decided to cook dinner, but also that since the day was so lovely, we should sit out on the balcony and chat. Well, you'd think I'd at least learn things the hard way, but evidently not even the hard way can beat some lessons into my brain. See, it was a very blustery day, and the door to the hallway ended up slamming shut. The balcony door locks automatically, and I never have my keys out there because we're usually chillin' and...why would I carry my keys around the flat??? I have to say that I am eternally grateful that Alisa's window was easy to "break into," and that I had been in this very situation before - except that means I've locked myself out of the apartment on more than one occasion (twice now with no one inside the apartment, and more times than I can count with people inside to rescue me). We managed to crawl through Alisa's window and back into the apartment, but I don't know what would have happened if that weren't an option. Visions of having to bug the neighbors for the landlord's number (and borrow their phone), or maybe staying at WILG until Alisa had gotten back from her New York trip flashed through my mind - and that was assuming I had been brave enough to jump off the balcony in the first place, nevermind what the hell Steve was going to do.

Crisis averted, we went to Star and procured dinner; lamb, couscous (they added the second cous in 1971), asparagus, and salad, and then after watching the Sox game (and nothing else - on which Brooke finally got kicked off), we settled down with the Jackie Chan movie, Who Am I? I liked the movie. I wouldn't have rented it on my own, but I have to admit I am always impressed by the whole "doing his own stunts" thing, especially when they involve falling off buildings (I realize that a 45 degree angle isn't that steep - but clearly Steve had never watched a movie with me before that night, because my gasps and the perpetual covering of my face was mocked).

So there you go - fun times. But you know what will be more fun? Singing Be Like A Duck while I get ready for work in the mornings!

Because I Can't Keep Lying to Myself

I decided to sort of assess the knitting situation today. I have way too many things going on right now - and at least three more projects in the basket. I kind of took the policy that "if it's not in the picture, I don't have to work on it" today. The embarrassing ones are not in the image because then I'd have to think about them the white mohair branching out, which has been on the needles forever, and the "dutch scarf," which should have been done last year. It's nice to have variety, but I'm in desperate need of a finished project, and I'm starting to hedge my bets. Anyone want in on this pool? Which one will she finish first?!

Also, today: A completely inane, self-serving music survey in my Last.fm Journal titled My Life in Random Songs (not to be confused with the Soundtrack to My Life, which is something I compiled last year with songs I chose - this one is totally randomized. Thus, stupid...er)

And finally, not to be forgotten, today's perspective on the job search in AIM conversation format:
(laura): so you walked out after that interview? i was imagining you pacing and i would pay to have seen that
dearsweetbriar: hahaha
dearsweetbriar: if i think of my life as a sitcom (which i love to do), i would have wanted to watch yesterday from an outside perspective, too
dearsweetbriar: it was too funny
dearsweetbriar: it sucks, though, that interviews that went well didn't pan out
dearsweetbriar: and the ones that sucked all want to give me jobs
dearsweetbriar: it really is way too much like dating

Now Listening: Fiona Apple - Tymps (The Sick In The Head Song)
Now Reading: The Secret Life of a Knitter by the Yarn Harlot

Bye-Bye Sock

I cast on the second sock yesterday on my way to the interview-where-nothing-went-right (except the interview itself) - and was kind of proud of myself. I mean, second sock syndrome wasn't really affecting me yet, I was excited about the sock and given that my self-imposed deadline is kind of far off, I was doing fine. Great, even!

Today, while I was at the interview-where-I-had-to-leave (that's right, get up and leave...Story to follow), I realized that I had done it all wrong. The pattern on the other sock went k3, p1, k1, p1. On this one, I had done k3, p2. I wondered if anyone would notice the cuff being different (no one would), I wondered if I could live with myself (I could), and almost went on. By this time, though, the interview had taken the turn for the worst, and I just started ripping without a second thought. I regret that now only because I don't feel remotely like casting on a sock anymore. It will be nice that they're both completely correct *rolls eyes*, but I only say that because I still assume there will be two.

Regarding my second interview today: I got there, and the principal architect came in to interview me (it's a 3 person firm, give or take a few satellite workers from time to time). The position wasn't awful, nor was it superfantastic. It was just...a job. I wasn't particularly thrilled about it, so when he got to the (embarrassingly low) salary offer, and the tiny little fact that the medical insurance is opt-in and taken out of that low salary, I was about ready to say thank you and let us both be on our way, but then he remembered that he has a questionnaire that he has potential interns fill out! So, I say, "okay," and get a two question form ("Why do you want to work at this firm?" I don't. "What can you contribute to this firm?" Well, more than making coffee and running errands...Which is mostly what the job description seems to be.)

This isn't even the worst part. Desperation could have allowed me to take this job over retail or serving people. It wasn't the job. What made me leave was this: When I was left with this questionnaire, he went to take a phone call. Twenty minutes later, he took another phone call! I had been done filling out the form in under two minutes, already having decided that I wasn't about to gush about how much I wanted this job, so I had filled in pretty standard BS answers. This was the last part of the interview. I was to hand it to him and presumably be shown out, but since he was locked in his office...I just sort of put it on the pile of papers he was writing on and left (mind you this was after a few minutes of pacing, hoping he'd notice me, and maybe say goodbye or something).

So, that was a big fat bust, as was the sock. I guess the interview could have been worse. Like three years ago, when an interviewer laughed in my face at my experience as a waitress. I put on the most forced smile I could, and told him that since he had requested applicants have good people skills, maybe the waitressing (the only other job I'd had at that point besides my UROP) would serve to demonstrate that (at least in print), but yes, maybe it was silly for me to list it, after all. I didn't need the internship at the time, so I should have thanked him for his time, and left then, but I was young and naïve, so I stayed. This was five minutes before he told me that the internship was unpaid (a detail that he had neglected - perhaps even flat out ignored - throughout our weeks of contact prior to the interview).

So, today's been kind of sucksville, but I might have a temp position as a drafter at a great firm. Even though it's got an expiration date, it might be a phenomenal experience, so...Maybe I'll celebrate a little tonight after all.

So far, keeping it together's been enough

Geeked Out

...Perhaps. A little. Okay. A lot.

So, I met the Yarn Harlot today. Got to listen to her talk, worked on my feather and fan shawl a bit, and met a nice Harvard girl named Inna, who has a stitch n' bitch at her dorm every week - that I am now invited to. (I was going to ask her if she went to MIT, because she gave off a vibe...turns out she's going there for grad school after a year in England. I may have graduated almost a year ago, but I can still read the vibe.)

Regarding this picture: I felt I needed to point out that I'm wearing heels. I fall victim to the same "short person" feelings. I compensate my elevating myself with painful shoes :) I only say this because Stephanie mentioned her height, or lack thereof - and I can feel her pain.

Stephanie, me, and the Paisley Lace Shawl that did not earn an Olympic gold medal but tried it's gosh darndest

I wish I had written some of the things down - like the joke about weenie warmers. That I will spare you from - for now. But beware, friends.

Also, meeting a large group of knitters - all different ages and "types," was so enthralling. Much different from eyeing another knitter warily (or all friendly-like) on the T. Sure, you can strike up a conversation, but you should see the looks you get from other subway riders! It was a lot of fun - an experience that I wouldn't mind repeating (meeting lots of knitters and stalking Stephanie around - joke!). All of my knitting friends, like all of my boyfriends, have been friends first...So it's a bit weird for me to meet people this way. (Weird as in "OMG, why haven't I done this before!?" - unlike casual dating)

I also have to give Stevie McSteviekins his due and also props for our entertaining day yesterday. But that's for later. I'm leaving for WILG now. (Ay, and there's also job stuff to sort of report. But I'll probably save that for tomorrow)

Holy Crap!

When it rains, it pours.

I heard from an architectural placing agency today, and am going in for an interview tomorrow, but right after I set that up, she called about a potential immediate job at a firm owned by a GSD professor. I still have the interview tomorrow, and possibly the weekend to mull this job over. It's a contractural job, hourly pay - to end in June, but it might look as good on my resume as my stint at SOM, which only lasted a month...

Then, while I was on the phone with someone else, I got a phone call from another architecture firm about an interview for next week!

Just when I had started losing all hope, and seriously thinking about hauling myself over to Starbucks (except that would require not being a sad lump on my couch, which was one thing stopping me from that fate)...someone saved me - and at least helped me realize that I have a good ten weeks or so to find a job in my field, at least.

(Not to get all weird about this, but I've been lighting prayer candles for my grandma for over a year, but in the past month or so, I had stopped because I felt dejected and sad and just...not in the mood. Two nights ago, I decided to say a little prayer to my grandma and lit a candle - and apologized for neglecting her and our little ritual. I also told her about my job troubles and...I know this...sounds ridiculous, so I'll stop - but seriously. It's a little freaky, and also makes me feel a little bit like someone is looking out for me.)

I AM SO EXCITED I MIGHT POO

Today, I've decided not to bore you with my usual routine to let you know that I will be spending all of my free time knitting and reading THIS...:

...in anticipation of tomorrow, when the Harlot herself (who is so amazing that Porter Square Books had to change venues because they could not house that many knitters who wanted to meet Stephane - that's right) will be at the Masonic Hall (1950 Mass Ave). The invitation is still open to any of my knitting (and non-knitting) friends...eh? eh? It'll be fu-un...

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the living room...reading.

CRUCIO!

"This is me and Manish, meeting for the first time"
-Ben

Sudokuwhat?!

Aw...My computer, or the Sudoku website, reset my play count! I had played over a hundred puzzles on my computer, and my fastest times on the easy and medium puzzles were AWESOME. It's all gone...

*EMO TEAR*

Now Listening: Little Texas - What Might Have Been

Happy Easter!

I give you...(drumroll)...the eggs! (of the hard boiled variety, because man - it was windy when I took these, and I was afraid the hollowed out eggs would blow off the balcony and break).

As usual (not always, but usually), you can click on them to get larger images.

In My Next Life, I'm Going To Pay Attention in Math

Sometimes I dream of a place in France or maybe it is Ohio where people live in big houses with peeling white paint and children play on swingsets in the backyard

How I Got Turned on to My Top Ten

I wrote a journal entry on last.fm today that I thought was kind of cool. It's about the top ten bands that I listen to and how I was introduced to them. It was kind of fun. Matt, this is my prompt. If people don't have an audioscrobbler page, they can just pick ten bands (although I recommend getting an audioscrobbler page, anyway).

How I Got Turned on to My Top Ten

Apron Boobs Face

So, I just went to Star and broke my arms carrying too many groceries. I didn't know I was going to do this. I only went to get more coffee, diet coke, coffee creamer - and eggs.

I came back with salad, whole grain bread, roast beef and horseraddish sauce, strawberries, coffee, diet coke, creamer, and...wait for it - plants. No eggs. Damnit!

Meet the two newest members of my little plant family, (Princess?) Buttercup and Cyndi (haha - I know, I'm sooo creative. Stanley II was better, but again...not all that creative. I pity my future children. They're going to get names like "Apron Boobs-face", or "Shoes butt-back"):



Also, for your viewing "pleasure," what happens when you leave a hairband on your wrist when you fall asleep, and trellis scarf progress:

What?! There's an Eight IN THE MORNING?!?!

I am awake so early because my orthodontist scheduled an appointment for 10AM today. I figured 10AM was late enough that it would be embarrassing to ask him to move around his stuff for me because I haven't really seen 10AM in weeks (which is only a partial truth. Usually if I wake that early, I roll over and snooze a bit, until a respectable 11AM rolls around, but I still know it's there, on my clock).

I just hope he doesn't ask me if I've made an appointment with the surgeon yet, because the answer is what it has been at my last three visits - "No."

I'm eyeing my knitting warily right now, deciding who gets to come with me to the orthodontist's office. My cross stitch piece is also an option. It's like Sophie's Choice. I can take some knitting on the train, but if it's too complicated, there could be issues. Lace knitting and train rides aren't exactly the best mix. Also, there's residual guilt from when I was supposed to cast on the second blue sock during America's Next...erm...show I don't watch, but I was at WILG with no knitting on my person (*emo tear*).

Also, a book is always another option (I usually take both and decide what to do based on my getting a seat and/or how I feel at the time). I'm getting through my stack o' books more rapidly than I'd like to - mostly because I've never had time to read before, because I was always ever so busy with More Important Things. Now that I'm reading a lot, I feel guilty. I guess I keep asking myself, "Is reading suddenly a More Important Thing? It won't pay the cable bill...so, no." But there's only so much I can do on that front (like apply to three jobs for which I am not remotely qualified a-la this week). I should just stop feeling guilty about things. There, problem solved.

Ok, I need to get going now. I love that I paid half the price for these braces, there are no rubber bands to change, and instead of some "old guy," an incredibly attractive younger man puts his hands in my mouth once a month - but it's about a forty to fifty minute commute from my house, complete with line switching. I guess you can't win 'em all.

I do want to leave you with this perfect recipe (that I have yet to try, but holy wow...I will):

Ziploc Omelette
Crack 2 large eggs into a zip-top plastic bag, or use egg substitute.
Shake to combine.
Add ingredients as desired: Cheeses, onions, green peppers, mushrooms, olives, tomatoes, etc.
Make sure to get the air out of the bag, then zip it up. *
Place the bag into rolling, boiling water for exactly 13 minutes.
Open the bag and the omelet will roll out easily.
Enjoy!

*- For a brunch, 6-8 omelets can usually cook in a large pot.

"I kind of wish I didn't have the Spidey tattoo right now.""Yeah. Me too."

Have you ever wondered what the title of Briar's blog is?

A guest post by Matt...

I have. But I've never asked. I guess I should. Here goes.

Its a quote from "The Little Prince." It means "One must support two or three caterpillars if one wishes to become acquainted with the butterflies." I'm glad I know that. It's not what I expected it to be.

What did Briar do today? Well I know she tried to go for a run because I read that in her away message. And I know she didn't go to work because she's still unemployed. And I know she came over to WILG because I met her there.

What did I do today? I'll write it here because I probably won't blog about it later. I woke up, was supposed to go to a meeting with a professor to approve my Journalism minor, the professor didn't show up, went to the gym, had IR and my communications class, then came over to WILG. And then I enjoyed trashy TV, my birthday present from Skylar and Emily (thank you!), and ate Chinese food.

Speaking of trashy TV... we're watching "The Bedford Diaries" -- a show on the WB about kids in some high school class who look like grad students and who keep video diaries about their lives. Today's theme: sexual secrets. The show is pretty dumb, and its in widescreen which tries to give it credibility but really only makes it worse.

Alisa and Jessica are here too. But Alisa really only came for the Chinese food. Jessica has been here the whole time. I'm gonna miss her when she moves to Washington. Well, actually "rural Virginia."

Oh, and Polar Cola is really good.

There goes Alisa. Out the door. Chinese food is done. Good luck on the marathon Alisa.

Jessica and Briar started a Facebook group called "Knitting is for Whores." And it is. Jessica's title is "Not just a shopper, but also the founder and CEO." We also changed Kristina's sister's (Laura's) profile to make her a big fan of Russell Crowe, which she apparently isn't. Ben (HRVRD) approved.

Oh, I was supposed to tell you what Briar did. She went for a run and then she drank a beer and then she went to WILG and drank some more beer. She also applied for a job.

That's probably all I have to say. Read my blog later tonight for more fun information. I have to give a presentation on Human Rights Watch tomorrow at my 9:15 IR recitation. Not dreading it, but not excited either.

Adios.

Now watching: Crappy TV show on the WB
Now drinking: Free beer from Talia because its Passover
Now feeling: Full from Chinese food and buzzed from my birthday present

Barf, Mushu! Barf Like a Freshman!

Matt's leaving for WILG in ten minutes.

That means I have ten minutes to finish my beer, and leave for WILG, myself.

What? If you don't start drinking in the morning, you can't drink all day.

I'm only kidding.

I wasn't even awake this morning.

Now Listening: Green Day - Church on Sunday

Hanging out with Matt

"We're going to hang out with your friend. Right here, without you. In your room."
"It's like having sex with your boyfriend in your bed!"

I'm watching Party Monster right now. It's everything I wanted it to be. Terrible and so amusing.

Some Yarn Porn

The only difference is all I see is now all that I've seen

Matt Asks: What high school class did you learn the most about life from? Not facts and figures and stuff like that, but more important lessons. What made that class different from the rest? What did you learn?

Wow. High School seems so far away, and yet that might make it easier to answer this question. I think that my high school experience was shaped by people more than classes, but if I had to choose only one class, it would be Mr. Burrows' AP Physics class. Possibly because I was there for a full year, and there were only ten of us, so we became pretty tight as the year wore on.

Short-order list!: I learned that the answer to any question is "thirty eight." I learned to always, always, always read the directions first. I learned the importance of sharing coffee and toast and physics notes with friends at Village Inn during the morning before exams. I learned the value of a foot long burrito from Bonny's and that when you share a lab room with the anatomy class, one of their dissected cats always looks enough like Mr. Burrows that they give him the skin as a souvenir, and it's the gift that keeps on giving (especially when he throws the cat skin at you for not knowing the answer to a question, or dresses up the scale "man" figure up as "Chip the Cat Man"). I learned not to trust anyone with a Van De Graaff generator, fifteen anatomy kids who didn't take physics, and a metal sink on the anatomy class end of the human science class chain. Most importantly, though, I learned the value of canceling your units, and showing your work (I don't think you have any idea how many times this "philosophy" or "school" of Burrows has helped me in class, on the job, or just...in general).

I also learned things about Ashley, and how silly and romantic she could be, which surprised me. I learned how to pound out the theme from the Terminator with my fist on a desk. I learned the lumberjack song, and the magic of whiteboards (up to then, the public schools had only provided me with plain old blackboards. It's magic what a white board and dry erase markers do for the creative and physics-minded soul).

I have some stories, too; some related to the above lessons, some not.

During the "Calorie Lab," Joey and Randy jumped into the assignment and burned their Brazil nut (because it was the biggest and thus most fascinating) before they read the lab (naturally, the third instruction "use the burner to burn the nut" just jumped out of the page at them before anything else could set in). The can of assorted nuts only afforded each lab group one Brazil nut, although there was a plethora of peanuts, an abundance of almonds, a considerable quantity of cashews, and...well, a whole bunch of hazelnuts. This left them with a beaker that they had yet to even fill with water, some 'splainin to do, and a very angry physics teacher. They were already on thin ice after the incident where Joey was tossing around a mercury thermometer and broke it in the lab room, and after they had piled up the tables to make a fort.

Speaking of the fort, that day, Mr. Burrows walked in, saw the fort, and jokingly barked, "What are you doing over there, Joey and Randy? Making a fort?! This isn't Habitat for Humanity! It's more like Habitat for Insanity," and thus was born the moniker for our humble little AP class.
Sometimes I really miss high school. But not really.

Tomorrow, I'll come up with a prompt. It's no good when I'm under pressure. Y'all know, though - all y'all who've played loaded questions with me, anyway.

Now Listening: Franz Ferdinand - Outsiders
& Listening: Alison Krauss - Maybe
& Listening: The Dandy Warhols - I Am Over It

Why would I joke about something like that?

I really do wish Michael from Prison Break would rip my tshirt off with his teeth.

Really, I just want an excuse to talk about hoes

The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
- CP Snow

At the supermarket a few days ago, I was staring wistfully at the floral section, and something inside my head just snapped. I needed to have a garden. "I want - nay, I must have a garden on my patio," I thought. And then left the floral section before I could put anything in my basket because, hello. I'm not quite that crazy, yet.

I know better. I was raised to be smarter than this. Things come into our home to die, not thrive. The green thumb did not just skip one generation, friends, it definitely skipped two (unless my sister is harboring some secret mad gardening skills).

Stanley II has been alive and well for almost a year now, but I don't know that I'm ready to handle anything more than a single Porthos vine that Robin had to resuscitate several times before he was strong enough to survive me.

Unfortunately, like when I learned how to knit, I feel this pull because I think something is missing from my life, and if I know myself as well as I think I do, I won't be satisfied until there are some dead plants on my porch and/or balcony. When I learned how to knit, the feeling inside me that I needed to create something useful from something unassuming was so overwhelming it didn't take long to turn into a full-fledged obsession. How marvelous; to use your hands so quietly and have an end result that you can share with people you love.

Now, I want to cultivate life. I want winter to be over. I want things to grow, live, survive - because I cared for them, I tended to them, I loved them.

Is this silly?

Not quite a mop, not quite a puppet

I am watching Extreme Makeover right now, and I've cried at least three times. The whole time, there has been a lump in my throat - and I know I'm not alone...Laura.

I'd become too bitter for Home Makeover recently, but this week just...gah. It's really tugging at my heart strings.

Part of it is probably perspective. I'm reading Expecting Adam right now, an autobiography about an academic couple at Harvard who accidentally conceive a child, then find that he has Down syndrome, and ultimately decide that they could never even consider abortion. I'm only 20 pages in, but I've read the blurbs: the story is about all of the incredibly miraculous and spiritual things that happen after Adam's conception, and it takes both parents a while to admit to the many curious things surrounding the conception, pregnancy, and Adam's life - and how they have to mentally and emotionally break free from Harvard, and unlearn everything they learned there (Martha knew women at Harvard who had abortions rather than face having a child during the stringent academic year - but keep in mind that this book is seven years old, and Adam was about seven when the book was written. And as with any school, Martha's experience may not be everyone's experience. See, also: me speaking out of my rear because I haven't actually read the book yet). I finished Everything Is Illuminated last week. Another cryfest of a book. I can't wait to see the movie, but I don't know how it can possibly do the book justice.

Also, kermit the frog as a guest star on Extreme Home Makeover??? Too much. They're singing The Rainbow Connection right now. And I'm crying again.

Now Listening: Kermit the Frog - The Rainbow Connection

Look at the way, we've got to hide what we're doing

Yesterday was a long day. A long, fabulous day, but still l o n g. I went over to WILG at 3:00 then from there headed to the yarn store on Newbury street, then to the salon for a pedicure, and finally to dinner and a movie.

I was pretty beat when I got home, but I called college boyfriend because I wanted to talk to him about Thank You For Smoking needed to talk to him. For whatever reason, I needed to hear his voice.

I swear to all that is holy that I did not call for any reason other than that I saw a movie that made me think of college boyfriend, and I wanted to talk (I say this because I asked him a question in the middle of the conversation, and it was a natural segue, but I "got all serious," and apparently it was an intrusive question or something. I also ended up crying.) It was like when you know you want to take a walk, but you wander around aimlessly and get lost and find your way back. That's the type of conversation I felt like I needed last night. My heart was burdened with so many sad things and I needed to release them somewhere.

And then I cried.

Because I got the memo that this is not the type of conversation you have with your ex-boyfriend, but it got lost in the mess on my desk.

I would like to be better, calmer, more collected. The way I know I am when I'm happy. I'm trying so hard, and most days it's okay. But sometimes...sometimes I'm the same person I was at Christmas, and it drives me crazy. It's okay when I can compartmentalize, and breathe, but last night so many other things were happening around me that I just wanted to run screaming out of the theater and keep going until I didn't know who I was, or where I was, or why.

I think of places like LA, San Antonio, St. Louis. I want to be there. I am afraid it will never change. I am afraid that I'll go on like this for so long that it'll become chronic, and I won't ever snap out of it. Just tell me that I won't be like this forever. Tell me there is hope. Tell me I will feel better. Tell me, PLEASE, that one day I'll see him or think of him or speak to him and feel nothing. The best day would be the day I felt happy for him and nothing else.

Now Listening: The Click Five - I Think We're Alone Now
Now Listening: Tommy James&The Shondells - I Think We're Alone Now

And by could, I mean just did.

I could watch the "girl power" scene from Pretty In Pink over and over and over again, where she takes all the pain and anger from Blane's breakup and puts it into her dress.

"If you don't go to him now, I'm never going to take you to another prom again, you hear me? I mean, this is an incredibly romantic moment, and you're ruining it for me."

One of my many charms

I'm terrible at keeping secrets. Seriously. Don't ever tell me anything.

I need to add a quick disclaimer that if it's something truly important, I can keep the secret - I will take it to my grave if need be. I'm not *that* girl. But I do tend to just blurt things out - even if I know they're supposed to be secret.

Once, at Christmas, my mom got my dad a cell phone and a laptop because he had just been promoted to Lieutenant at the time, and with the pay raise plus his new responsibilities, she thought it was high time he had both of these things. Well, he opened the cell phone, and in the afterglow, when everyone was just beaming with pride/happiness/glee, I burst out with, "Wait till you see the laptop mom got you, dad!"

This is just one example of how I cannot keep a secret to save my life. I just get too excited. It's part of my "charm."

The "I've had this yarn for six months and it's high time I knit something with it" sock

The more I listen to the Joshua Radin EP, the more excited I get about the idea of hopping a bus to New York to see him live. Follow through, Briar. Learn it. Live it.

Oh - and the hair dye update. I am really digging my "new hair colour." It's amazing, actually. So, what happened is the rusty tint at the tips is now the same color as my roots. So my hair isn't actually a different color, but now it's all the same color, which to me equals results, and therefore not a waste of money or time.

Sock update: I had to pull back the heel. Some 30 rows of work. Mostly because I'm stupid. See, I know a heel has a sl1 k1 row, then a purl row. Yet I did the whole heel in stockinette. Me<---stupid. So now I'm about a quarter of the way through the [correct] heel. I don't know what to call these socks yet. They're blue. They remind me of this wrapping paper I once used. I don't want to give away their final destination by naming them that. Like, when I get around to making dad's scarf, it will be called the "Harley Scarf" - but he knows it's coming. Someday. Or like the Dutch Scarf. I mean...nothing. Things I knit usually have patterns, you know? So they're already named. But sock patterns don't have interesting names. So if anyone has any clever suggestions...otherwise, It'll have to wait until they're done.

Now Listening: Joshua Radin - Girlfriend in a Coma

Joshua Radin - The Fear You Won't Fall

Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me
Air's gettin' thin, but I'm trying, I'm breathing in
Come find me

It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you

And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you.

I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you
Is the fear you won't fall

It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you

And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel
This way
I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off you

And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than
Was better than

And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel
This way
I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

Can't get my mind off of you

And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel
This way
I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel
This way

The Sucks

I had a moment of clarity today, and then it was stolen from me by my hyper-active sense of hope and optimism. Next time I'll let the cynicism and bitterness reality in a little bit more.

In better news, Jessica finished her shawl! It's about time Hooray, Jessica!!!

Now Listening: Rhett Miller - Come Around

Yarn Bowl

OMG...omgomgomgomg - Speaking of yarn...the Yarn Harlot is going to be at Porter Square Books on April 20th.

I think I just died.

Yes...Yep. I just died.

I Really Like the Bubbles

"Briar, why do you always shake the milk before you pour it?"
"...oh. I don't know. My mom used to shake it."
[later]
"Mom, why did you always used to shake the milk before you poured out of the carton."
"[thinks about it for a second] Well, I really like the bubbles."

Like...Maybe There Will Be an SVU Marathon on USA

I don't have much to post today. I did almost nothing. The weather was kind of dismal, so I mostly stayed inside and knit. I did go to Star to get some burritos and batteries - yes, you read correctly: Burritos and batteries. I also ended up picking up some hair dye because it was on sale (the only reason to buy hair dye - yeesh), but as it dries, it's proving to have been a fruitless purchase. See, last time I tried to do this, I picked a reddish color that ended up giving my hair a purple tint that was only obvious in direct sunlight and under camera flash. And it was an ugly purple tint, to boot. This time, I chose a "medium brown" or "hazlenut" color. Level 2 (temporary) lighter hair dye on darker hair = nothing. Or that's what I'm guessing, since some of my hair has dried and the only difference I've noticed is that my hair smells like the dye, which smells similar to a ballpoint pen. Awesome. I'm thinking of cutting it, too. I have a hair appointment at the end of the month, but that seems like a splurge at the moment. If I'm working by then (God willing), I might keep the appointment. If not...well. *snipsnip*

I started a new project today during [the show Alisa and I do not watch]. One of her co-workers came over for dinner, and I knew I couldn't handle conversation, a glass of wine, and lace, so I started a sock. It's coming along nicely, but it means that I'm only seven repeats into the scarf (out of twenty-three repeats, plus the end border). The colorway is not working out as nicely as I'd hoped. It's snaking around, and...doing what I should have predicted it would do. Two of the colors are awesome, the other two are...ick. And when the raspberry color and the blue are blending, it's great, but when that bubblegum pink is alone, or when it blends with the blue? It's no good. I can't wait for the alpaca cloud to get here. Erm, I mean can't wait to start on that hat...or finish that scarf...heh.

And now the combined effect of the wine and the chemicals have made me so exhausted I just might die. I mean fall asleep right here. Hopefully my day will be more exciting tomorrow...

Now Listening: Pete Yorn - Pass Me By

2006 Finished Objects

Soho is, like...on the other side of the world!

I had a dream last night that a certain friend of mine was leaving to work in Soho.

I had just finished taking the "Architecture GRE," and had failed to do one part of the exam. I kept switching seats, and leaving behind one of the packets each time. I knew that I had failed the exam, because I never completed the packet I kept forgetting: the "sketch a perspective" portion of the exam. It was worth 48% of the final score, and I hadn't even finished the other packet in time. It was dark and grey outside, and there was a big storm warning, and the feeling in the air kept me from concentrating.

Later, a bunch of the people who had taken the exam with me were at a table in the hallway, and Steve, who was there as a volunteer because he had already taken the exam, told me not to worry because I could just take it again. I couldn't decide whether to snap at him about his affected Dutch accent first, or the fact that "just taking it again" wasn't an option because $538 doesn't just grow on trees, Steve.

It was just after this that the friend of mine made their announcement, and everything just went dark (because Soho is so ridiculously far away, you see, and I was absolutely crushed). The proctor told us that we needed to go upstairs for our scores and some punch and cookies, and Thomas Ian Nicholas (who happened to be a good friend of mine - and had a bit of a crush on me, I might add) told me to follow him upstairs, but I just stood there while everyone trickled away in different directions.

I tried to track down Thomas, but by the time I went to the stairwell, he had gone upstairs, and I couldn't remember where to go for the punch and cookies. On one of the landings, a used violin string caught my eye, then another one, and another. Out of curiosity, I followed the trail of discarded violin strings towards the roof exit.

I Told You So

With just a few minor snags, I now have two semi-matched socks. Boy, have I learned a lot about socks. First, the gussets and turning the heel. Oy! What a mess! The first time sock was not so successful. I thought knitting Pasha would have helped, but sometimes my brain does this thing where I learn concepts and I know that I should know how to apply them, and then some hardwiring shorts or something because I can't get from "understanding" the concepts to "applying" them practically. I think I'm ready to start taking on more socks, though - aside from what will invariably turn into chronic second sock syndrome. I also feel like there's some lesson here about yarn. I don't really like the cotton or the way this yarn has a variegated texture, which makes them feel kind of wonky on my feet. I mean, I bought sock yarn. So it's not that I bought the "wrong" yarn - just that I probably bought the wrong yarn for me.

Still, today is a joyous day :) I finished the SOCK!!!

Now Listening: Anna Nalick - Wreck of the Day

Yarn Carnage and Grey's Anatomy

There was so much knitting on Grey's Anatomy tonight!!!

I ruined the scarf *blushes* The remnants of what I tried to salvage are in a pile on my floor right now - no batteries in the camera, or I would have documented the carnage. I ordered some alpaca cloud. Not sure what to do at the moment, actually. I might restart it in the colorway because looking at the pictures has kind of made me fall a little bit in love. Or I might wait for the alpaca yarn. The problem is I ordered it tonight, so I don't know when it will get here, and as soon as I hit publish, I'm finishing that gosh darn SOCK. Because, that's it! I've had it up to *here* with the sock.

I will also be doing my best to track down screen shots/download the episode of Grey's that was on tonight. Because...oh, my me. Meredith bumbling through a sweater as her first project has got to make this the best episode of any TV show I've ever seen. Or maybe it was Izzie schooling Meredith and knitting a perfect sweater in one day. I haven't decided yet.

(Although, does she want her hottie patient to be her boyfriend? Because...how does the boyfriend sweater rule work if you're not with him yet? Either way, knitting your love interest a sweater...risky move, Izzie!)

Clown Barf...I mean...Trellis Scarf

I started the trellis scarf last night while watching Bridget Jones's Diary and Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason doing absolutely nothing embarrassing and mockable until four in the morning.

Remember when I first mentioned I'd be using this cotton candy colored yarn for this project, and I thought the colorway might be distracting? It is. Not because the yarn is stealing focus from the pattern, though. No...it's distracting because it makes me want cotton candy in the gross, "ugh but I've already had two pounds of cotton candy," sort of way. The project is coming along nicely, but I'm still not sold on this yarn:

[Also, do I really need to point out my coffee mug?]
A closeup of the scarf reveals the carnival colorway in all it's trellissy glory:

I don't know...thoughts? Opinions? I'm kind of in love with this pattern, but I don't think I'll want to wear anything this color. Ever. Does anyone have a mom/grandma/aunt/cousin that might like this as a gift? Part of me wants to buy the alpaca cloud yarn (in horizon or tide pool) and make another one for me ('cause I'm selfish like that). Another part of me knows that I have a bad track record when it comes to making a second one of anything (branching out, SOCK!, anyone?). Perhaps it's time to let the sun set on this project (the yarn colorway is called "sunrise" - ha...ha...?) and pick up again when I have the right yarn. Or maybe this is the right yarn, and I'm just being stubborn.

One more time for the cheap seats in the back:

Flash Your Stash 2006

It is time for Flash Your Stash 2006! Get ready for some Yarn Porn:

Above are mostly my "reject" yarns. Or just leftovers from projects since complete. Like the black yarn that was used to make my Audrey bag, or the infinite amounts of yarn left over from the Jayne hat. Also the baby alpaca grande that isn't enough yarn to make anything...maybe a hat. This is basically the scrap box, though.

I like this yarn all a little bit more. My NORO is in here! And some really soft light blue yarn that has no project yet - and I need two times more to make the only thing I currently want to make with it. The debbie bliss is for this bolero that will never be done because I messed it up and that made me sad and now I either have to live with the mistake or start over.

This yarn is basically all "neat enough" to display instead of box. I just don't want it to look all unruly. The blue yarn is for an afghan I started in 2004, and the pink yarn is for the Lucky wrap from Stitch N' Bitch Nation. The rest of it is just "filler."

Also, this shot, just because this is yarn pr0n, after all, and this shot was HOTT: