26 April 2006

Letters of Love to my Subway Peeps

Dear Guy on the Subway this morning:

I did not mean to touch your leg while I was knitting my sock. The yarn had started pooling awkwardly, and you were sitting with your legs splayed all over the place - including in my space, and I only accidentally grazed your knee to remove the tangle from the working end. This was not an invitation to play footsies or continue to touch my knee with your knee, which you should have understood when I shifted two inches to the left to avoid you. I was not, as I guess you figured when you also shifted two inches to the left and continued to touch me, being coy, or flirty, or cute. The glare that you got when I had to stop knitting to stare at you incredulously should have tipped you off. Thank you for making my subway ride this morning as pleasant as the ones I used to have in New York.

P.S. - please also learn how to take showers, or at the very least, do your laundry. Faded jeans are both passe and unforgiving of what looked like a month's worth of dirt and pizza and coffee stains.


MC with obsessive Knitter on the Red line last night:

Me, long brown hair, bedraggled look on my face, having trouble casting on a sock - You, more than happy to ask someone to move so you could help me out

You took the sock out of my hands and showed me how to knit in the round correctly, and we chatted about knitting until you got off at Harvard Square.

Please be my new friend. By comparison, I will seem far less crazy and obsessive about knitting to my friends.


Guy on the Subway said...

Dear Girl on the Subway this morning:

I had a severe rash on my scrotum! Of course my legs were "splayed all over the place." And when you moved away, I clearly took the opportunity to take more room. Just because you're cute doesn't mean when I touch your knee with mine I'm being flirty with you. So don't stare incredulously at me. It's the rash on my scrotum.

P.S. - I should learn to take showers. That's probably why the rash developed.

Scary Knitting Lady said...

Hello Briar...

You don't want to be my friend. "Why?" you may ask. I'll tell you why. I'll lure you to my beautiful basement level home at Harvard Square where I will then shave your head and turn it into yarn. Then I will either let you go, or kill you. But I don't get to make that decision (I leave it up to whether or not my dog likes you).

<3... Knitting lady on the T

PS - by "shave your head" I mean rip it out visciously

Briar said...

Thanks a lot Steve - your rash got me some Google Ads about rash cremes.

Karma's a bitch. Remember that.